For most of our marriage, H was the primary breadwinner. He had a very good job, and I stayed home raising our children (I worked full time during the first 5 years of marriage, until first child was born). Once the kids were raised, H began hinting that I should work. And, whenever he was mad at me for some minor or NOTHING reason, he'd yell at me to get a job.
My husband and I started counseling toward the end of 2015 and things were going ok. We discovered his issues with anger management likely come from ADHD, especially b/c our son was just diagnosed. I've endured years of his outbursts and walking on eggshells. My husband does have insight and understands his flare ups hurt my feelings. But, unfortunately, insight doesn't always prevent it from happening. The other night, he began yelling at me because I cleaned up his desk and he said I moved some papers around.
Hi,
How long did you know/date your ADHD spouse before marrying?
And what red flags were present during the dating years?
unemployment?
underemployment?
unable to keep a job?
anger?
instability?
losing things?
immaturity?
relationship issues with others?
bad with money?
disorganized? messy?
other red flags?
I stumbled across a blog. today of a young lady who has in her words, "full blown" adhd. As I read what she had written I knew right away about her struggles...What she say's is real, and it's the hope I've held onto for 8 years. If My wife could have said these things to me in the beginning, I think our lives would have been so much better. If she could speak openly and peacefully now (without the chip, and anger) it would change our lives. Maybe some day she will, I still have hope! And if I could thank this Young lady for encouraging me in my hope, I would love to....
I've just recently started reading some of these posts of about being married to someone with ADHD and the struggles others are experiencing. So many stories hit close to home for me and I feel better knowing that it's not just me and that I'm not crazy. But, I'm worried about remaining strong for my kids, and my husband, when 40% of my household has ADHD.
I hate that all I seem to do is bitch about these things — even though I don't actually bitch to anyone other than myself because I don't want to bad-mouth DW to anyone really! DW has just been on 'holiday' for the past 3 weeks, not really a proper holiday, but home to see family etc.
Since my marriage took a turn for the worse last year, the one refrain that keeps coming up a lot from my wife is that she's "done trying" and it's up to me to show that I can put in the effort. I can understand why she'd be at the end of her rope, and I try to put across that I hear that and respect that. So it's on me to make my own goal list and start kicking some butt, right? But it puts me in knots to read about things the non-ADHD spouse could and should do to help save the relationship, like:
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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