Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi gang - joined this forum today in hopes of getting some advice or at least a sympathetic ear. Melissa Orlov's "ADHD Effect On Marriage" book was an eye-opener for me when I read it last month. In the book, and on this forum, I see sentence after sentence that resonates deeply with me and my situation. To know that I'm not alone has helped me calm myself and think things over more carefully (I hope).

I needed to start a new thread, when I still need to answer a couple things from other threads, but I felt this was important. It's why we (often) long term spouses of ADHD hang in there so long, and try so hard.  First I will answer that, then tell you why and how I came to my finding. I don't know if anyone else thinks this or not, but it's a possibility I've come up with for my own situation. I believe I've stayed so long, because first, I truly have been "in love" with my husband and not ONLY "loving him". We both have believed we were brought together and it was the right thing.

My husband has ADD.  Our marriage has been on the brink of divorce for the last five years.  We have attended counseling, etc.  Some things have improved.  However, the core issue of my husband not wanting to be vulnerable and put himself out there remains.  I am unsure we can get past this issue and I am realizing I will either have to live with it or leave him.  He is very self-centered and hardly ever acknowledges my needs.  He withholds his love and affection, because he doesn't want to be the first one to put himself out there and risk rejection.  I am growing increasingly tired of bei

For those new to the board, I am the non ADD person in my marriage. I have spent years crying and ranting about H. Feeling powerless and stuck. I have come to realize that I can't change someone else.  I can only change me and my surroundings. I thought I would share this reading I found on the internet:

HOW TO MATURE AND GROW UP FASTER by Lawrence Wilson, MD.      Google this and use it as a tool to get past the stage I was in when I began learning about ADHD.  Ranting, crying, being incredulous....looking for a knight in shining armor to save me from my distress!

I love Rick Green!  And I love the Totally ADD webiste.  My most recent e-mail update from them was so in-line with my life experiences this week.

"This is about how a small thing can feel so big, or perhaps how a small trigger sets off a huge explosion… of sadness.  Hmm. That doesn’t sound right. Anger explodes. Sadness… feels more like quicksand, pulling me down, and under."  ~Rick Green~  

Recently in another thread on this forum....I heard a heartfelt cry for something that really made me stop and think.  Saying your sorry repeatedly as a means to somehow make up for the times that we ADD'ers fall short in our relationships....somehow loses it meaning if it is not recieved in a way that the other person really feels that it is sincere.

Hi All:

I was on this website several months ago and decided to disconnect. I found it depressing and wanted to be in a hopeful place about my DH. I kept reading articles, I put myself in therapy, we are in couples therapy - I am doing all I can to "help my marriage" but I am loosing hope again.

After 10 years together, we're just discovering my husband has ADHD (undiagnosed as an adult, but he's had it since he was a kid). We have 3 children.

You all know the basics of living with an ADHD spouse. The promises with no follow through, the lies, the lack of empathy, the forgetfulness, the underachievment, the difficulty in taking care of responsibilities, the messy house, the issues handling anger.

Does anyone experience a husband or wife who goes through a paranoid period and starts accusing me of having affairs 10-15 years ago? Needless to say, I have never been unfaithful to him.He had a meltdown due to overwork and had to use drugs to stay awake in 2000.  Got involuntarily committed for a week and a few years later finally managed to get prescribed dex. we got married after a couple of years of separation  in 2007. Since then, he has an episode of accusing me - usually of having affairs with the people we worked with.

Wow...I have been looking forward to this diagnosis for almost half a year as I began slowly realizing I could have ADHD.  I read the books, talked about it and then finally got tested.  It took a month to get the results of the test, but it finally came yesterday.  ADHD Innatentive Type (Mild) with Major Depressive Disordor (Moderate) with secondary anxiety.