Recent forum posts (all topics)

I'm trying to figure out how to communicate with my husband but I don't want to dwell on him.  Whenever I communicate about my feelings about relationship issues, he fires back with bitter and snarky comments.  But if I communicate about an issue (e.g., money) and request a response and I don't say anything about my feelings, he doesn't respond.  Yesterday, he said in an email that he is less likely to respond to my messages if they contain "negative asides."  Unfortunately, it is hard to determine what he considers a "negative aside" to be.

Hi all,

Stuff.  It has been an ongoing bone of contention since before we married in 1984.  Now our own property is overrun with stuff. I do understand his need to have items as his creative mind can truly make amazing things out of items I would label as junk.  

I truly do not know what steps to take to get to a place of harmony.  I can state some examples.  

My ADHD husband and I are at the point of separation after 30 years of marriage.  I just told him that I plan to move out in September.  I did a lot of work on my own to get to the point where I clearly communicate my boundaries to him, and he is using one of his most common conversational weapons to respond to me...plenty of sarcasm. The problem is that I truly can't tell any more if he is being sincere ("Sounds like a fair proposition") or sarcastic. I am wondering if anyone else has any suggestions for overcoming this.

I am brand new to this forum and I'd like to first start by saying "thank you" to Melissa Orlov and Dr. Ned Hallowell and to all the folks who come here to ask questions and leave comments. I can't begin to express how beneficial it is to find that I am not the only one dealing with this issue. I have found myself increasingly isolated as I've had to deal with my husband's issues, and to be honest, the only thing that has kept us together all this time has been the terrible economy and the potential financial ramifications of separation and divorce.

I'm once again disappointed with my kids dad (ADD) and his reaction to our daughter wanting to play lacrosse for the summer.  In the spring, he took her to 1 or 2 games, stayed for 1, and took her to practice once a week- down the block from home. I was at every game, stopped at every practice after work and took her home. I paid for the season and made sure her uniform was purchased, paid for and clean every week. Our daughter wants to play for the summer. I asked her dad: Our daughter was asked to play summer lax league- it's mostly away games about 20 minutes Away from home I believe.

Dh has his areas of house.  I have mine.  His are messy, disorganized, greasy, dirty, disheveled.  Mine are cleaned and tidy and organized.  Sunday night after company, I didn't feel like washing the dishes, so I didn't. Yesterday I didn't feel like doing the dishes in the kitchen so I let everything out on counters.  Today I looked at the messy kitchen and thought, "This is what dh's areas look like all the time.  He doesn't organize or prepare or clean his areas.  Will he notice that the kitchen is a mess and that there is no silverware or dishes?

After years of discord and struggle, I decided to leave my ADHD marriage. When I informed my ADHD husband, he insisted he would do anything to "keep our family together." As an example, he explained that we fight because I'm too controlling and he needs to assert his individuality. He offered to "give up his individuality" if it meant I would stay. In the days since I said I was leaving, he's been Mr. Perfect - home on time, brings flowers, no major conflicts. After years of riding this roller-coaster of a relationship, I don't believe he can sustain this focus on our relationship.

Dear Melissa:

I like most of you, have been angry, make that "furious" a lot with my husband and his antics. I was miserable, and just filled with hate. I resented the lying, especially since it's almost always over what I would consider stupid things. I've finally realized that in order for things to ever "change", I had to stop worrying about my husband and if he was ever going to change, and instead free myself. I developed a mood disorder after the birth of my daughter, as well as depression.