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Well Where to start?

I have been trawling this site (what a godsend it is) for the best part of 4 days and nights (as time and energy will allow at least). I thought it was time I joined to  find some support for myself and to try and gain some insight into my deeply distressing situation.

A bit of back history for you

Disclaimer:  All of this applies to BOTH spouses - I only address it here in this way because so many ADHDers, guys in particular, are working on their ADHD, but their spouses have already checked out and won't give an inch or join the party. 

I haven't been here in a while.  But it's just getting really bad.  My husband is now starting to deal with his ADHD.  He's doing it w/out drugs because he doesn't want to take anything for the rest of his life.  He is aware that he has been moving slow on getting things done.  He is making efforts.  I'm just spent.  When we get into a tiny arguement, I just shut down.  My back and stomach start to hurt and I feel exhausted.  We have 2 children.  He is a great father.  But I'm so tired of saying that because it's not enough anymore.  We have been in therapy.

My husband (with ADHD) has been experiencing growing dissatisfaction with his work/career...again. He seems to go 2 years and yearns to change jobs. He is currently in an educational program to support his career it has been an investment of time and money, going on 3 years. I want to be supportive, but these decisions affect me, our children (his step children) and our financial and emotional future together. We've been together 6 years and married for 3. I want him to be happy and satisfied, but I need stability. Advice?

I'm not even sure I need to say anything more than that.  

I am struggling so badly with this... I cant stop thinking about what DP is doing when I am not with him.  And wishing I was just back home and everything was "normal"

I hate that he wont be honest with me about our relationship, I hate that he doesnt even seem to miss us, I hate that I seem to be the only one hurting and most of all I hate the extreme paranoia that is consuming my thought patterns.

I know that due to my codependency issues I NEED to focus on myself, but I just cant seem to do it...

HELP...

I have my codependency book, I read it and take it to heart, I do my best to put what I learn into the situations in my life. But today, I'm very discouraged. I think it's making things worse.... part of me doesn't even care, part of me just wants this all to be done and over with. I'm tired of being pushed away, the steel-enforced concrete walls, and the condescending attitudes. I feel like he's looking for opportunities to make things even more difficult for me.

I've been frustrated and disappointed in a lot of my 1+ year of marriage. I'm pretty sure after reading this site and the book that my hubby has ADHD. I love him and I want us to to work, especially because we have a 2 month old baby and I know it will just get harder for me to keep everything going.

How should i approach him about this? What would be a non-threatening way to tell him that I think he needs to get evaluated?

Greetings All,

I just found this website last night. I read about three blog posts, figured out that this was what was going on in my marriage, downloaded the book and read it in three hours. I was nodding my head the whole time. I've felt so alone in my marriage of 1+ years, and I feel lucky that I found this information now.