Recent forum posts (all topics)

I've posted about the problems my husband's ADD has caused me. Regular readers are probably sick of me....

I found this site through a New York Times article on marriages and ADHD.  I browsed through the forums and saw many of the experiences and anxieties I have experienced over the years.  I thought that I'd share a little of my story.

My husband has ADHD, and it is affecting our marriage greatly.  I am also almost 9 months pregnant and I must say that this pregnancy has been an emotional roller coaster.  I feel so lost right now and I need all the help and advice I can get. 

Hi fellow non-ADHDers, I'm in a long term relationship with someone who is ADHD. We live together and considering marriage, but our relationship has similar problems to the ones I've been reading about on here: his irresponsibility with money and bills, being so consumed with his band that he forgets to do chores (or he's too busy to do his chores every day which results in bugs). I'm a teacher studying to be a counselor so I know about the strengths and weaknesses of an ADHD person, but my patience is starting to fade and I'm tired, depressed, and downright hateful sometimes to him.

I am six months out of a 10 year marriage, and a nearly 12 year relationship, with someone with ADD.  A huge part of my healing has been sorting out what had become of those two eager people who so loved each other 12 years ago. How did they end up living as they did?

OK, I'm new here and haven't read every single post, but the recurrent theme seems to be that the non ADHD spouse is supposed to let go of the anger. Sounds noble and all that, but how? Oh, I can try to be less critical and sarcastic and bitchy, at least some of the time, but I feel depressed and overwhelmed by how hard it is to accomplish the simplest thing in my family. (I have a card-carrying ADHD husband and child, and another child who is probably disorganized enough to qualify.) And when my veneer of patience cracks, there's real fury just under the surface.

OK, like so many other people I've read my fair share of books, blogs, forums and discussions and what I don't often come across is places where people present an issue or challenge or situation and others suggest real specific strategies to handle, adapt to or overcome the issue.  I'd like this topic to do that.  Let's have people present a situation that has happened or a behavior that they exhibit and  lets have others share some specific strategies or techniques that could create a different, more desirable outcome...sound good?

Here's my first one...

Apropos of nothing, my husband came up with an idea that may explain why he's always late. He says he thinks he gets an adrenaline rush by leaving late and still trying to make it there on time. Does that make sense to anyone? I know it's one of the most frustrating things us non-ADDers have to face in our marriages.

I figured you would be the perfect person to ask for advice. I've been married to my ADHD husband for 2 years and dated for 3. He also suffers from depression and anxiety. The years together consisted of a lack of compassion, communication, and self control. I feel like its been a good amount of mental and emotional abuse but he will instead say its normal and that I'm weak...so with that said, I tend to doubt myself and my decisions.

Since my husband being diagnosed ADHD--innattentive type several weeks ago, and with couples counseling, medication, a new smartphone, and very helpful Hallowell books, my husband and I have made much progress in reconnecting. It's not perfect but much, much better. Fortunately, my husband is committed to learn how to negotiate life with ADD and to improve our relationship.