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What am I doing…

My wife is my true love. We have been married twenty-two years and have two children.

I don’t understand why I push my wife away. I hurt her constantly. I avoid her and the conflict. I don’t communicate and when I do I am not clear. I am a workaholic.

I was married once before and after seven years my first wife had an affair. I found out and we got a divorce.

I am not sure this has anything to do with adhd, but my husband keeps starring at other women when where are out together. This bothers me so much. When we were 19 he told me he stared at other girls all the time when he was alone, and that they didn´t need to be beautiful, the he would focus on the nice parts. Back then, I believed men and women were the same, and since I never do that, I thought this was wrong like cheating. I had made that statement in conversation, so later he told me about this because he was feeling dishonest with me.

My wife and I have been married for almost 4yrs and have two wonderful kids (yes, we moved quickly).  When I met her and we dated, granted it was for a fairly short time, she was on adderall (I didn't really know that at the time).  She told me she had ADHD, but I didn't really understand what that meant at the time and she was a ton of fun to be with, so I didn't really think much of it.  I assumed it just meant she had trouble focusing and remembering things sometimes, which I thought we could work through with no issues. 

Hello, My marriage is in trouble with my spouse who has ADHD (who refused taking medication just because his lower muscle tightened up in which he does not like the feeling of it same time being paranoid about his heart issue). I wonder if me being gifted and his being ADHD are additional problem issue? We have a lot of communication problem even though we could talk as long as it is basic neutral subjects such as food shopping needs and activities with our children. We have one child who has been diagnosed having ADHD and is very bright while another child is diagnosed being "Gifted".

As I wrote in another posting, our family physician told me that I need to hold my husband responsible for things. That he is not an in-valid and should take responsiblity for his action or lack of action. Exactly how do you do this? He is an adult not a child. I can't punish him if he doesn't do something that is his responsiblity or that he agreed to do.

I previously posted this in the "Organization" forum w/o any responses, . . . So I am pasting it up here with hope I might get some of your thoughts on this real problem.  This really is about the lack of joy in my marriage with respect to leisure time,

Thanks in advance!

Springerswimmer

My husband has not been diagnosed.  We have been struggling for years, I have walked away, and told him that he needs to figure things out for himself.

He suggested that we go to counselling together.  He had an appointment with the counsellor before our meeting and she hinted that he could be ADHD.  He has since done a lot of online research, and has made an appointment with the family doctor.  He has taken the online surveys, and has self-diagnosed that he is ADD/ADHD.

Well first, I'm new here. My husband was recently diagnosed with ADD and he actually sent me articles off of the blog. I was shocked when I read them because it was like they had come straight out of my head. While I am happy that my husband is taking things seriously, and is experimenting with some meds (per his doctor's recommendations), I am still struggling with dealing with him.

Has anybody had to deal with a spouse who has become more and more religious and now less tolerant of my beliefs to the point of considering me a non believer of God?  He keeps changing the rules of how he lives his life and expects me to follow.

My husband has ADD, we agree on that. And he's been willing to get treatment, and also marriage counseling. (Whether it's doing any good is anyone's guess)