I’ve been married almost 19 years. I almost divorced my husband 2 years into our marriage primarily because of his rage episodes. So much damage was done those first 2 years. Then disaster happened—his sister died a very sudden tragic death. I got sucked back in during that crisis and he swore he would change. He saw a psychologist and went on medication and for a while was doing much better. We also went to marriage counseling. He is currently on antidepressants and sees a psychologist, but I believe he lies to her.
Through the years, I strongly suspected ADHD and bought a few books on the subject. He didn’t want to hear it. Would not get tested. We have struggled on and off for almost two decades. There have been good times, wonderful times, and there have been bad times. . . not as bad as before.
About 4 years ago I again considered filing for divorce but did not only due to finances. We had just made a major out of state move and the stress of it all led my husband to completely freaking out. He had insisted on taking care of the moving company himself (I should have known better) and it was a disaster because he got the names of companies mixed up and hired a horrible company that basically extorted money from us. It was horrible but I stayed quiet. . . because he is so sensitive about his screw ups (sigh). He turned a stressful time into a pure nightmare. I didn’t know if I was able to forgive him.
Since that time, I have developed a life of my own. I work. He retired early and has no interests. He sits at home watching TV every day. I am active in our community. He isn’t interested in people. He bought a family gym membership. I work out 3 times a week. He never goes. I do all the cooking. I work hard to eat healthy. He eats fried foods, junk and pastries. He has health problems. I do not (knock on wood). He ”reorganizes” things in the house, creating constant trip hazards and chaos. I’m scared he’s going to burn the place down because she’s so forgetful. I come home to the heat on and windows open. Sometimes I just want to scream.
My husband has become a hermit who has withdrawn from life. Why I didn’t see this as our future long ago is beyond me. If I die before him, he will never be able to handle my accounts (I have kept them separate from his; he’s had a bankruptcy and is a shopaholic). . . it will be a disaster.
It’s like all the air went out of everything and I stay above water because of my work, my friends, my activities, and my interests. But I waited too long to make that one change in my life and I feel it’s too late now.
Thanks for listening.
