“The key is not to prioritize your schedule but to schedule your priorities."
- Stephen Covey
If you have ADHD, Covey’s comment is critically important, and very hard to pull off. ADHD means that you often get distracted from what you are doing, that it’s hard to stay organized, and that you have trouble focusing on what’s important, vs. what feels good at that very moment.
But if you don’t schedule your priorities, as Covey suggests, you will lose track of your partner. How many times have you heard “we just grew apart” about a couple that ended up divorcing? Most likely, they forgot that their most important priority was each other, not their projects, chores or work.
Your partner is most likely your number one priority. Do you have a schedule of time to ‘attend’ to each other? If not, you need to start. Literally. Write things into your schedule, and stick to them! Consider any of the following:
• Every other week date night – schedule them all (including a regular babysitter), and alternate who plans
• Saturday or Sunday afternoon couple time, during which you pledge to have an adventure or do something together you both agree you such as go for a hike and chat
• Breakfast together without the morning news or paper
• Nightly dinner sitting at a table, with no cell phones in sight
• Parents’ morning. You both stay in bed, and kids have special permission to watch TV or play video games and eat protein bars for breakfast…as long as they don’t disturb you
• Monthly parent play dates – partner with close friends who have kids of similar ages. Once a month one set of parents takes all the kids for 2-3 hours, freeing you up to do…whatever you wish (hopefully, fun and some sort of focusing on each other.)
And here’s one more tip – while you are scheduling each other in, don’t get too hung up on who ‘leads’ on this. You both win when you are together, having fun, and remembering what you love about each other. If the more organized partner has to initiate the discussion about what to do, so be it.
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The Live session starts January 15, 2019.