ADHD and Marriage: You Know Your Relationship is Improving When...

This site spends a lot of time addressing and airing problems - I thought it was time to write a light hearted post about the successes that couples who have come here have experienced.  These are all real stories taken from my clients of the past few months.  Enjoy!

You know your relationship is improving when...

  • You used to not be able to speak to each other but now can’t wait to go camping together for a week and share a tent.
  • An ADHD partner used to ask “what’s the use of planning our future when we probably  won’t be together?” and now is getting ready to make the commitment to a new home
  • A couple who has had trouble communicating learns to trust each other again enough to honestly share their ideas.  They learn they are on the same team.
  • Making out starts to sound fun.
  • A young woman used to worry that her husband’s fury and hurry in the mornings would end in injury for one of her children as he quickly reversed the car out of the driveway.  After he starts to treat his ADHD he gets his anger under control.  Suddenly, their lives take a completely new and happier direction.
  • A man is so unhappy that he could never bring himself to go to bed at the same time as his wife.  Both felt lonely.  As they worked through their differences he learned he could trust her enough to speak about his feelings.  They now go to bed early and spend time reading, cuddling or talking.  Both love it.
  • The non-ADHD partner who was so unhappy that she used to ask “what’s the point of all this?” and now is saying “I’m so grateful we are together.”
  • The ADHD partner gets distracted and rear-ends another car.  He heads home with his tail between his legs, expecting to be chastised.  Instead, his wife says matter-of-factly “well these things happen.”  His heart swells with love for her and both realize that this is the beginning of their new life together.  He moves back in and they start all over at the "infatuation" stage.

Comments

joy

well, this year we went through the whole Family Court circus but we were able to back down and settle for just a Parent Plan

I'm glad we were able to stay together...looking at this site a bit I think influenced me to try again, also for our 2yrs son

Does this group have conferences or a phone group?

Also we have no Chadd or other resource groups in NM that I know of

Christine

(email address removed by admin)

I plan to go to Chadd '11 in FL and get my husb there somehow!

We both have advanced academic degrees and my husband just passed the LPN test thankfully. Life is still very scary and my husband's nurse program has been complaining about his attendance,etc  I think I also had postpartnum after birth of our child which did not help

Yes - I'm giving a Seminar

Look at the top right hand side of the home page for the link to a seminar that I'm giving starting Sept. 13.  I will be talking about key concepts that you and your husband could benefit from, as well as taking questions from participants and answering them.  Hope this will help you.

Melissa

You know your relationship is improving when...

- You can have a conversation with you spouse about his plans and you DON'T do the internal eye roll and think to yourself "I'll believe it when I see it"

- You actually day dream about your future life.

- You laugh when he tells you he accidently threw away his meds.

- You understand (but are a little annoyed) when he takes the advise of his psychologist on something you've been telling him to do for YEARS! Hey, at least he's doing it now!

- You learn to let him learn from his own mistakes.

 

Great idea

I chuckled at a few of these, as I could definitely relate. It is really a huge relief to feel like I am getting my life back...and I am learning to trust him in a way I never have..ever. Just trying to have Faith that my efforts will have positive ramifications for us all.

I have noticed too that when we have an arguement or a situation comes up that we don't both agree on, instead of immediatly calling in reinforcements (texting my friends), I give it some time to sink in..think about what the best way to handle things is..and then proudly report to them when we resolve the issue without fighting.

Also, we have subjects that we often do not agree on and when they come up and they reach 'that point', I have gotten really good at finding a way to completely change the subject...and he gladly follows along. LOL They aren't something we can just never talk about, they concern his daughter...and a member of my family.

I AM very grateful and feel very blessed that we are still together. I always loved him, through even the worst of times, because he was (is) my best friend. I pray everyday that we don't lose sight of things that horribly ever again.