Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Oh no, once again
I forgot something for you!
Does this sound fitting?!
Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that can bedevil couples impacted by ADHD, as ADHD partners often forget to do something special for their partner. The result ican be either a last-minute underwhelming and impersonal gift, or no celebration at all.. Over the years, as resentment builds about being forgotten on this day that is supposed to celebrate romance, non-ADHD partners can become downright hostile about the holiday.
ADHD partners CAN do better. If you have ADHD, try these things:
RIGHT NOW (not at the end of this article) open your calendar and insert two 30 minute appointments labeled "Valentines planning' - one in the next 48 hours and one 2 days later. These will remind you to take the time to figure out something meaningful for your partner while you still have time to follow through to make it happen. (If you're reading this out of season, go to the end of January and do this...if you envision a holiday that will take more planning, adjust accordingly. The concept is to schedule it right now so you don't forget.)
Use the first appointment to brainstorm and explore ways to execute. Think of at least 5 ideas, asking yourself if your partner has mentioned anything lately that he or she would like to do. Try to avoid things your partner doesn't like that well, even if you think they're fun. (I know this is obvious, but...) If you don't have a specific plan in place (and preferably prepped to execute) by the end of the first appointment with yourself, make a third appointment. Just in case.
Use appointment 2 to do what is needed to make it happen. If you're cooking, schedule time to buy groceries. If you're traveling, make all the reservations and get that travel book. If you're getting a card, go buy it and spend some time thinking of loving things to write. You get the idea...
Yep...a successful Valentine's holiday is about planning ahead. And with ADHD, planning ahead is about making appointments with yourself far enough in advance, then following through.
And, if you ignored me the firest time and still haven't opened your calendar don't wait! Do it now. Your partner will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
P.S. To make it more fun, promise yourself a reward once you're done. :-)