Too many couples find that Valentine’s Day is a yearly reminder of what they don’t have – the “picture perfect” marriage with both partners arriving home with red roses, a bottle of wine and sex on their minds. Like in the magazines, right?! Except that’s not how it happens for many couples, particularly if you are struggling in your relationship. So here are four tips for surviving what may be the worst Hallmark Card holiday of them all!
This guest blog post has been provided by Hal Meyer and Susan Lasky of the ADD Resource Center.
You fell in love with his boyish enthusiasm, adventuresome spirit and easy-going charm. Now you are frustrated that he decides to go skiing instead of shoveling the snow off the walkway, or forgets to take the children to the dentist. You were fascinated by her many interests, creativity and “enjoy the moment” approach to life. Now you are fed up with the clutter of her incomplete projects, and annoyed by her indifference to planning meals and shopping. It is easier to love someone with ADHD than it is to live with them.
I gave a one hour webinar for ADDResources.org not too long ago on the topic of "Reigniting Romance in ADHD Relationships" and they have been kind enough to let me link to the recording so you can see it. It's an hour long and one of a whole library of webinars that they offer. If you don't have time to watch, consider putting a reminder into your cell phone (or two, or three!) that will remind you to do something special for your partner on Feb. 14.
When we marry, we hope to remain happily married until death, yet that is not the experience that most of us have. Yes, most of us who get married will stay married, but committed relationships generally include plenty of significant bumps and bruises. Here are some statistics to ponder:
Over the last couple of years 416 people in marriages affected by ADHD have answered our survey about their experiences and feelings. One of the questions we asked was “What gives you the greatest pleasure in your relationship?” I share these responses because too often worn-out posters suggest that there are no positives to be found in ADHD-affected relationships. Next week, I’ll share pleasures from the perspective of the ADD spouses married to non-ADD spouses.
There is a very interesting conversation going on around my “Learning to Like Yourself Again” post of 7/30/09. A number of readers relate their stories about the relief they have felt as they have started to “become themselves” again and let go of some of their struggle. The question for some, though, is “how do I rekindle the warmth/affection in my own heart for my spouse?”