Eight Mini Love Letters to Non-ADHD Spouses

Want to read some love letters?  I like to be even handed, so I asked the ADHD spouses in my last couples course to tell me what they love about their non-ADHD spouse.  Here is what some said:

“I love how my non ADHD partner is willing to stay by my side and work very hard to better understand how my brain works to help grow our relationship. We are 2 very different people and rely on each other’s strengths to grow as a partners and she is always willing to sacrifice her personal time in dedicating herself to ensuring that we both grow old together. She is a very motivated goal oriented woman and we both realize that this is my weakness and she wants to be there and work with me so that these area’s someday become strengths for me also. She has opened my eyes to a world that I have never seen before and she has made it so that I want to experience more of what the world has to offer with her.”

“We make a great team, great travel partners and I look forward to being with her for the rest of my life.”

“What I love about my non-add spouse: His Kindness, ethical nature and generosity of spirit,
Emotional honesty,
Willingness and interest in listening to me and offering feedback,
Sense of humor,
Wisdom, Intelligence and breath of knowledge,
Great observer of life and story- teller,
Wonderfully inventive cook and folder of laundry,
The way he loves me,
His commitment to working on our problems,
His aesthetic sense...
Being at times my personal shopper!
Adorable smile and muscular body....
I could go on!...”


“What I love about my NON-Adhd spouse is his sense of humor & patience with
my messes.”

“She is a wonderful mom and would do anything for our kids.  She's also smart and beautiful.”

“In spite of years of my denials, my spouse kept loving (and sometimes angry) pressure on me until I accepted that I needed to seek assistance with my issues. It's only up from here.”

“My non ADD spouse has the biggest most trustworthy heart that I have ever known.  Her heart is pure and true, and she has the courage to show it and live by it every single day.  I never wonder if she is doing her best.  She does not know any other way to be.  She has been the biggest blessing to me in my life and I am over the moon in love with her.”
“I love my non-ADHD spouse. She is intelligent, loving and dedicated.  Her commitment to me, and to our children, sometimes amazes me. I want to thank her for never giving up on us, even when it comes at a great personal expense, or when it seems that I don't care as much as she does. Despite my inattention, her desire to be with me, and to share a life together, never ends. I want to thank her for her dedicated patience and love all of these years. Most of all, I want to thank her for her forgiveness.  Without her undeserved forgiveness our marriage would have ended years ago. “

These couples were taking my course because they felt they needed help.  Yet underneath it there is a lot of love, as shown in these quotes and the ones I've posted previously about "what I love about my ADHD spouse."  And so I would ask you - have you shared what you love with your spouse lately?  And do you keep it in mind as you think about what you wish to contribute to the relationship and how you can move your own future forward?


nomorebadhead's picture

I could live on love letters!

the thought of getting any unprevoked appreciation from my ADHDer is a fantasy. not to say it would never happen, it just would take some small miracle. I am just writing again after several months of hard times with marraige and family issues we have just gone through. My wife was diagnosed with ADHD about two years ago after our oldest of 2 sons (now 8) was diagnosed with autism spectrim or PDD otherwise unspecified. My wife is a flight attendant and is gone 3- 4 days every other week. in 06 i had a blown out disc and underwent my first of two back surgeries, the latest was a Fusion surgery at l5-S1 in 2009. This past June everything came to a head when I landed myself in jail(domestic violence) for the first time in my life. I was on very strong medication from my surgeries as well as drinking to excess. I almost died in jail because of severe xanax withdrawal and wound up in intensive care for 5 days. Well here we are 6 months later and we are in a better place than we have been for quite some time. I am on no medication and we now have many damaged relationships with friends and family because of the collateral damage caused by  events of this past summer. Any advise on how to help people try to understand how hard it is to make the pieces fit in a marraige with ADHD?

My ADHD husband does not

My ADHD husband does not write me love letters but he always let me know how important I'm in his life :) Thanks for sharing this letters full of love and understanding. That prove again that ADHD marriages can be successful and functional if both  work as a team. That is my experience too.

Tears :(

My, my, my....would I love to get one of those.  Every once in a blue moon after a fight or really long period of no communication, he will say I'm a good wife and great Mother, but never much more than a word or two here and there and it always comes after such HELL, that it hardly means much by then.

One day maybe I will hear, see these things, from him, directed at me.  Sadly, I feel he would say these things at my funeral or etched on a headstone.  Too late then :(

Damned with faint praise

mostly. It's almost better to hear nothing than "you look nice," or "I DO like you."