Guidelines for Making an ADD Marriage Work

I came upon this article about making one ADD spouse / one non-ADD spouse marriages work.  The author, Andrea Little (now Andrea Betts) had culled these guidelines together with her marriage support group peers.  I link to it here and hope that you enjoy the group's perspective and collective wisdom.

Follow this link to get to "Odd Couples!" by Andrea Betts.


re: Guidelines for Making an ADD Marriage Work

I read Andrea Betts article "Odd Couples." It is very good however I do take exception with a few things. She seems to imply that ADD'ers are unable to change the habits that wreak havoc within a relationship. It appears that the partner without ADD is the one responsible to facilitate change to accommodate the other's behavior. I don't completely agree with this. If a person is diagnosed with ADD, has sought treatment for the problem, and then ignores both the diagnosis and treatment why should the Non ADD member continue to do all the work? It's exhausting, frustrating and let's not forget the esteem implications for the Non ADD partner as well. When having to keep all the balls in the air at the same time we also suffer from diminished esteem when we inevitably drop a few of those balls due to sheer exhaustion.

re: Guidelines for Making an ADD Marriage Work

I have posted a couple of comments on this site, because I have been at my wits end. I have been googling and googling and well you got the picture, and I came across this article that I thought struck a chord with me and maybe most non adhd spouses. It was suggested also in response to one of my previous posts that I definitly didn't need to be playing "mom" to my husbands adhd behavior. Well after I read the article....I think I might have this sort of figured out, well at least what I have been doing pretty much my whole marriage as well as for my adhd daughter and dyslexic daughter, which would explain the burnout I am experiencing. I have been a CODEPENDENT all these years. Codependence is defined as a state of mind where you put your needs and dreams aside in order to help the other person have a life. Kindness is doing these kinds of things sometimes and having a balance of give and take in a relationship. In a codependent relationship, no matter how much you give, the other person does not return the favor. Yet you keep on giving, getting more fatigued, frustrated and resentful. Well here's the link: