I often say that though people are quick to label those with ADHD as “lazy” because they often have trouble following up on commitments, my experience is that almost everyone with whom I come into contact with ADHD is a VERY hard worker. Some of that work (organizing the disorganized mind, for example) goes on inside, and so is hidden from view most of the time. Diligence and a willingness to try, yet again, are traits that some non-ADHD spouses say they love about their ADHD partners:
“DH loves to work, and he's very good at what he does. I'm not in the IT field, but I know he rocks at his job because EVERY SINGLE TIME I'm invited to a work function I've been approached by his boss, his boss' boss, the CFO or the CEO of the company. They tell me how grateful they are for him, how grateful they are for me to let them have him so much.”
“I love how hard my husband tries. We only just found out that he has ADHD but even when we didn't know why he did things he still worked with me to come up with compromises and solutions. Sometimes I get so frustrated but then I remember how lucky I am that I have someone who is willing to accept that they need help and willing to work at making our marriage better. I may not have asked to have a husband with ADHD but I'm am so happy to have a husband that works hard and never gives up on us or himself.”
“I love her faithful perseverance with me and her fierce independence. ...and she's hot :-)”
“What do I love about my spouse? He keeps trying...”
“His ability to bounce back, willingness to try, and sense of humor. Feels good to think about him this way.”
It does feel good to remember the positive traits of your ADHD partner. This week, and into the future, make sure to take some time each day to think about the positives. It will help you move forward, and feel good to your spouse, too, if you happen to share those feelings.
And a shout out to the ADHD readers out there – trying really does get you brownie points! Just make sure that the progress made with your diligence can be objectively measured!