Recent forum posts (all topics)

Husband with ADHD plus anxiety and depression. Very Jekyll/Hyde. This is textbook ADHD -- he can't hold a job, bill payment and child care schedules are nonexistent, and he doesn't honour agreements. His cheques to me have bounced, and he is neglectful. He yells or raises his voice at me and our child, and treats me rudely. I've become a nag in response, which is not who I am, and I don't like it at all. He has a very kind 'core' and is known by others as a 'nice' guy. But he has no patience, is very triggered by his family of origin, and responds to me reactively as if I'm his mother or his sister, criticizing him. He loses jobs constantly, and has drained my significant retirement savings to almost nothing, and we've gone from earning over 100k to living under the poverty line. I have become an emotional wreck due to his ups and downs of mood, but feel trapped as I have no money to leave, and I'm afraid of his dysfunctional family, who have ostracized me and blamed me for DH's mental health issues, with which he was diagnosed years before he met me. At some level, I'm hoping for a miracle as I love him. But he'll never change, and I know this.

Thanks for reading! 

This idea in Melissa's book I struggle with. I understand the premise and I understand partners are at their individual juncture through co-construction (destruction) of their relationship. But I have a really hard time to accept not to blame the ADHD partner or to not expect that person to make a move. Unless I'm missing something... isnt that why we're in this situation to begin with? I'm mad as hell. As much as I am willing to do whatever. But if it is a one way street... I'm out. Any thoughts on that? 

Very briefly, I wanted to state that out of the three books that I read on the topic of ADHD, I found yours most helpful in understanding the effects on marriage. However, I will say that it irritated me considerably that most examples you showed or discussed the husband was the person with ADHD. This is not the situation I live in. I think it would have been helpful to ensure alternating your examples, so that it does not create the impression that this is mostly a male driven problem. 

I am currently in a 7 month old relationship with an ADHD man, and I am a non-ADHD women who has very well controlled Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Depression. He is in his early 30s and I am in my mid-to-late 30s.

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For years, my sister, to me, has been so chatty that I hardly get a word in.  By the time she takes a breath, we are off topic of what I might have responded to earlier in her monologue.  It sometimes makes me edgy.  Yet, the other day she said something to me that has me thinking,  she said, our older sister is not supporting her in her new widowhood the same way she supported our oldest sister through "entertaining her with talking".  

I joined this forum because it was by far the best I have found, with help and support for spouses of adults with ADHD. and as myself and OH have lived together for over 16 years as man and wife, we are married except for that piece of paper - therein lies the problem. I hope you will still accept me on this forum - it helps so much to know that others feel as I do and go through similar experiences.

Does your partner 1) acknowledge the disagreement and that you might be correct; 2) tell you you're wrong; 3) attack you; or 4) some combination? If your partner does or might have ADHD, do you think the reaction has something to do with ADHD or do you think it's a separate aspect of his or her personality? I'm assertive and I like to be right but I'm also willing to acknowledge when I'm wrong. Former partner is not very assertive, likes to be right, and has become more willing to acknowledge when he is wrong.