Recent forum posts (all topics)

In my attempt to recognize (be aware) the warning signs, triggers, and common themes that surround conflict in my marriage, a few things are startling clear....Probably 85 or 90% of our worst conflict revolves around activities, 75% of these or outside the home (acceptance, and avoiding enabling has really helped on the day to day things in the home)...What I've come to realize is in many (if not most) peoples mind, they experience a loss of awareness when emotions are heightened or when they experience a peak in focus or desire for or in an activity, (and were talking most anything)....The

Hi, this is my first time posting but I'm in a real mess everything has escalated for so long we just can't seem to get good ground my wife's anger outbursts doesn't help anything she's had one several times in the last couple of weeks. My stepson father just committed suicide they both have ADHD. I love my wife I love my step-son I don't want to lose this marriage I just don't know what to do.

Ambigamy.  Noun. A relationship that defies classification. Can be short term or may last years.

I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun see how they fly
I'm crying

My wife (non-ADHD) and I have been struggling through miscommunications and blow-ups for most of our 7-year marriage. If things aren't at rock-bottom right now then I don't know what to call this. I've tried to take a step back to reflect and think hard about this, and I know that the next two steps have to be (1) identifying and working on my own feelings and self-love, and (2) showing empathy, listening and understanding for her.

My husband and I have been together 13 years. We've been through it all. Many years ago, he mentioned something about having ADHD. Neither of us thought much of it and that was the end of that. Fast forward to now and we're both seeing it so clear. He has yet to be officially diagnosed, but I am 100% certain he has it. Everything I've read describes him to a 't'. For the past few years or so, I've thought he was a full on narcissist. It wasn't until recently that I realized its his ADHD. However, I don't know how much more I can take. He lies and lies and lies...you get the point.

From one of my favorite movies.... my favorite scene in the movie. The "Hero's Journey" of Neo....the "One".....becoming one with his enemy, the Matrix. For me, it's always been a source of inspiration. enjoy

https://youtu.be/RWS2onQlOOE

J

My ADHD partner's sister consistently enables negative behaviours

Ive been reading all your posts like crazy today and have to admit it feels so good to know Im not alone! So here goes my first post. My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years. Hes known he has ADHD since a kid, was on medicine up until he was teenager, he took him self off as a teenager due to the stigma he says (hes 36 now). Hes the extreme workaholic type, always has to have a project going on, will never just stop moving. Everything is his way and on his time. Although frustrating I appreciate it at times because its get me moving and we've accomplished alot together.

So the New York Times had a Room for Debate topic about marriage entitled Knowing when a Marriage is Over.  It was super interesting, but two comments totally hit me between the eyes--one was "some marriages are just lemons" and "if you are always working on it, there is no time to enjoy it".  I feel that way so often--that all I do is play whack-a-mole with the latest difficulty--poor communication, financial irresponsibility, disjointed parenting, awkward social skills, untidy household habits, lazy hygiene--it just never ends.

I am so very sorry and I can completely relate. I wish i had good advice. i looked for support groups. When I found none, I have tried going to a counselor the past year to help me deal with it too. We come up with work arounds and some work but the stress and the lash outs , never stop. It is a matter of how I react. I am so tired of having to figure out how to react or not react to someone out of control, the lash outs never end and i am just trying to find ways to keep the peace. Each weekend it is something new and he continues to blame me. It is me not his ADD and I have lost all hope that he will ever see it and realize this rocky of a ride , is not normal, necessary , or healthy. I am exhausted , I am the sole financial provider now and in charge of the finances so that “stress’ of waiting on the next ball to drop , has been eliminated. Sad though. With it comes resentment and shock that I am married to someone that does not have enough responsibility to work consistently, pay bills, provide for his wife and kids consistently ever, and be an equal partner in real life and finances. I have been with mine for 18 years and we have two sons and that is what has kept me in it and trying to fight. I have begged him to get better medicated, exercise etc, all the recommendations , but nothing is consistent except the inconsistencies. He will never see it. That is where I am now. He will never see it nor change. He is the classic victim. He is always getting attacked, Poor him. He can do no right….endless victim…......   Each weekend it is something new and he continues to blame me. I supposed somehow in his mind, I am to also blame for his piles of debt and unpaid bills to creditors, the fact that he almost made us lose the house, but for my income, now I pay for all, the fact he lost health insurance for me and my young two boys b/c of another “miscommunication” really he said it was the health ins. providers fault , and he has been “looking for work” for past three years and JUST got a job out of the home….etc Weekends and time together should be fun not full of battles and stress and waiting to get yelled at, then react to it, and then be told, when i react to him instead of stuff my hurt feelings, it is me , and he is getting attacked. The manipulation and skewed perspective is shocking still to me. Sorry Long vent. I am just feeling done, past done with the “disease ” I want off the roller coaster. We still have some good times, but the other times never stop. My life is the best it has ever been in all other aspects which make it even more depressing when I have to be around him on the weekends and I get sucked in such a depressing world, filled with needless fights and anger and then 5 m in later he is fine pretending nothing happened while I am left feeling miserable and wondering how long I can stay on the ride.