Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi!  I'm a husband who is totally new to posting comments on a web site forum.  I'm here because my marriage is in crisis.

ADHD hubby has sick BFF. He wants to adopt BFF's teenage daughter. He has strong feelings of wanting to help and i have none.

Hi everyone,
I’m so sorry to those of you who have been waiting on this post. Life has been crazy! But it’s been driving me mad that I haven’t finished up this series like I said I would. Anywho, I’ll just jump right back in from where I left off.

In my last post, I spoke about letting go of my entitlements. When I realized that I didn’t want anyone doing anything for me unless they wanted to & only because they would be happy to do so – I realized that I shouldn’t be doing anything for anyone unless I wanted to & only because I was happy to do so as well.

For those interested, I wanted to make some observations of the effect of taking the couples course has had on our relationship. To start....nothing but positive things to say here.

Communication: Cue words to avoid conflict were hugely helpful initially to stop arguments and fights. The end result ended up with not needing them after very long. In fact....the need for our cue word "friend"....was only of use for the first month or so. It might still be useful....but what I have found is that when the conversation starts heading into one of those familiar directions....I tell my wife " hey....we've never successfully resolved this one before. Let's put this in a box and put into storage permanently...and one day when the time comes.....we'll know it when we get there." And we avoid that topic completely. These things are not logistical topics. They have more to do with each one of our personal challenges that were never going anywhere anyway and have no real relevance other than either one us don't really like this "thing" about each other all that much. Call it personality quirks or what ever. No real change is needed other than to just ignore it and let it go. It's just who we are but it doesn't hurt anything.

Learning conversations are really great any time I feel like my wife is not understanding me. I've got it practices enough that it know becoming second nature and I can incorporate my own version of doing the same thing and not feel so robotic and stiff in doing it. That was easy and it served the same purpose. to avoid conflict what so ever. The end result in communication as proven that we go for days and even weeks now without a real fight or argument and at most....a moment of frustration and that is just a drop in the bucket compared to before. Gotmanns ratio of 5 to 1....positive to negative has certainly proved itself here. One argument even limited....is survived easily and is not nearly as intense or severe because it. The funny reversal that I have found is in the control aspect between my wife and I. This is not a problem....just a funny observation.

Mansplaining: When you're talking to prove expertise rather than to connect with another person, the chances are high you're mansplaining.

Saw another (awful) therapist last night.  Ugh.  Trying so hard to stay within my insurance network because it would be a financial hardship not to.  But, these people are not ADHD experts.  Or anger management experts.  They say things like "Count to 10" or "just breathe" when my husband talks about his inability to stop an outburst.  That doesn't help him.  We want so badly to stay together, but now we are starting to use words like "separation".  That scares the hell out of me!!!  And I'm the one who brought up that word.  Because, after 13 years of marriage, I am spent.

I am dating a man with ADHD, and we have been together almost 9 months. Some of the posts I've read here are heartbreaking. My boyfriend is not currently on medications, but has been in the past. He said he went to a behavioral therapist some years back and it helped him greatly, He is very organized, sticking to his routines every day. He is good with money, tracks his spending closely, and seems quite organized. The only issues we have had disagreements about are his talking too much, and in great detail about other people in his life be it family, co workers or women from his past. He is

I have been toying with the idea of a separation/divorce from my ADHD husband for a few months now but I can't seem to come to a solid conclusion. We have been married nearly 4 years, together 6. He is a generous, kind man and a fun person to hang out with.  When we met, he had all kinds of dreams and ambitions for the future, which I mistakenly took as realistic and achievable plans.

If you knew everything you would go through, would you still have made the choice to stay?

I have lurked for months, coming here to read when I needed to feel like I wasn't alone and also to get perspective. I will often read about the challenges some of you face and think to myself, "I can't post here. Things aren't bad enough and my complaints will be insulting to those who have real issues." I've finally decided to post because I can't hold it in anymore. I have to talk to someone. This will be long and I hope at least one person will be patient enough to read it.