How long did you know/date your ADHD spouse before marrying?
And what red flags were present during the dating years?
unemployment?
underemployment?
unable to keep a job?
anger?
instability?
losing things?
immaturity?
relationship issues with others?
bad with money?
disorganized? messy?
other red flags?
I stumbled across a blog. today of a young lady who has in her words, "full blown" adhd. As I read what she had written I knew right away about her struggles...What she say's is real, and it's the hope I've held onto for 8 years. If My wife could have said these things to me in the beginning, I think our lives would have been so much better. If she could speak openly and peacefully now (without the chip, and anger) it would change our lives. Maybe some day she will, I still have hope! And if I could thank this Young lady for encouraging me in my hope, I would love to....
I've just recently started reading some of these posts of about being married to someone with ADHD and the struggles others are experiencing. So many stories hit close to home for me and I feel better knowing that it's not just me and that I'm not crazy. But, I'm worried about remaining strong for my kids, and my husband, when 40% of my household has ADHD.
I hate that all I seem to do is bitch about these things — even though I don't actually bitch to anyone other than myself because I don't want to bad-mouth DW to anyone really! DW has just been on 'holiday' for the past 3 weeks, not really a proper holiday, but home to see family etc.
Since my marriage took a turn for the worse last year, the one refrain that keeps coming up a lot from my wife is that she's "done trying" and it's up to me to show that I can put in the effort. I can understand why she'd be at the end of her rope, and I try to put across that I hear that and respect that. So it's on me to make my own goal list and start kicking some butt, right? But it puts me in knots to read about things the non-ADHD spouse could and should do to help save the relationship, like:
I'm sure this is not going to be new ground here on this forum but it is certainly new to me and i'm so upset, confused and have no idea where to turn for help.
My husband has ADHD and other issues. Well, we just found out that someone passed away in The Bronx, 2.5 hours away from us. We both knew her from our younger years but my H was closer to her. He hasn't really kept in touch with anyone from his past since he forgets and hyperfocuses on things rather than people. Well we were both going to go to the service and he found out he has to work. It's something he can't get out of. I get very anxious when he drives in the city since he has a temper and I get nervous driving myself in the city so I knew I wasn't going alone.
She: What do you think about _________?
He: What do you mean?
She: What is your opinion about it?
He: What is yours?
She: I think it seems to me that _____________. That is what I think about it.
He: no words
She: Well?
He: What?
She What do you think about ____________?
He: I doesn't matter, You just told me what you think. You don't care about what I think about it.
She: I asked you what you think about it because i DO care. I am interested in how you feel about it.
My husband has ADHD and an addictive personality. He used to self-medicate many years ago with pills and alcohol but cleaned his act up and tries VERY hard to keep his crap together. He makes all of his appointments, etc. with no nagging. When he was originally prescribed adderall it was awesome. It worked for him, I could see the difference clearly and he was practically crying tears of joy. But then be became addicted. I tried everything from hiding his pills, to keeping them in a locked box to keeping them at a friends house.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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