Recent forum posts (all topics)

An amazing thing happened over dinner a couple of nights ago. J Jamieson had been talking recently about denial - and how tricky or impossible it is to get into some topics when denial is at play. He had suggested going through the back door so that the denial is not openly confronted - allowing your partner to feel safe and not attacked. I couldn't tangibly get the concept but it has stuck in my mind. So back to dinner.

Wow - this book was suggested by Melissa Orlov last week in a forum post. Wow, wow, wow! Lightbulb moment! A must read for those on this forum.

Not too very long ago, I tried to express to my spouse why I changed my behavior.  Most changes surround new boundaries put in place to keep my distance from behaviors directed at me that I will no longer accept.  

Two things came to light that really surprised me.

I've done a little research about this topic and revisited it again wondering what the differences are to victim mentality and Narcissism or the like in disorders.  It does appear that there is an overlapp in some ways but a true Narcissist it seems will use victim mentality as a tool or weapon in their arsonal to use as needed just to get his/her needs met.  In reality.....it's a distorted version of victim mentality so you can say that you can have one without the other but.... you can have Narcissism without victim mentality if that makes sense.

I'm tired. My husband joked a few years back that he might have ADHD. Reading these posts, Has me thinking it might be true. He always has to be the 'victim'. Me asking him to do something, oh let's say, like watch how much he drinks so he won't fall, just turns into an argument. He's full of excuses! He always turns the argument around to make me the focus. He adds multiple topics and we never get anything resolved. He's said multiple times to me 'I thought I told you'. His latest...he said I said to him on Satuday, 2 different times that 'I don't give a F about him'.

Hi all, I've been married to my wife (with adhd) for 10 years. Things went downhill after a year or so, and became chaotic hell when we had our son. Her pills would be left on the carpet with the baby crawling around, and several neglectful other things that made me question her and my own sanity. We'd fight viciously. A few improvements have been made since then in our relationship (picking battles more wisely, incorporating recreation activities, respecting space more, knowledge of adhd's role) but we're far from where we could be.

I am desperately seeking help. Around 20 years ago I thought I met the girl of my dreams. She was beautiful, extremely kind and I enjoyed being with her. Even at this early stage I noticed that she was always on the move doing one thing or another, she spent money like there was no tomorrow and often her facts were a bit confused. I loved her dynamism as I am very slow to be motivated. I am very intelligent and analyse everything thoroughly and found her weird facts and confusion and slow brain a bit annoying. However, being lavished with gifts, presents and love overcame these issues.

We are switching doctors right now because of a move. The New doctor is having my husband fill out an ADHD questionnaire before his appointment. It's close to 10 pages so I am helping him out. I didn't realize how hard this would be. He has been in tears several times and we are only half way through. It's asking about traffic tickets and work history and his childhood. Ugh.

After 40 years of my overfunctioning and supporting him, H says to me, "What did you EVER do for ME?"  Don't let that be your story when you are over 60 years old.