Recent forum posts (all topics)

Coming to this forum was orgiginally a somewhat frustrating and disheartening expereince.  Even thought my aim was to find out more about my ADHD....it seemed at first that I knew less than I had originally thought?

I’ve done the reading, I know the tips. I try to put my anger aside but being the wife of someone with ADHD feels like ongoing crisis, me working so hard to keep us financially afloat, and having a partner who does not take responsibility for his actions. My partner has lied, pretended we had a car that was stolen, forged my signature to write rent checks, pretended he was getting therapy and taking medication. He has been off work for the last three almost four years, to take care of our kids. Not that this was agreed to. He wouldn’t get a job so I had to support us.

Today a close family friend got into a car accident, but it was too late to get him a rental car, so he asked if he could borrow one of ours.  We agreed to meet him for dinner at a restaurant and bring him a car.  Then it started pouring rain and H started getting anxious about the rain and driving. 

H and I each had to drive separately so that we could lend the friend one car.   H and I left our home at the same time, but I wasn't paying attention to how close or far he was behind me.   

So I'm doing pretty well with my husband's ADHD. For example, I'm not nagging. I'm not arguing, and generally letting go of my anger. I'm not making his emergencies my emergencies (rescuing). However, I cannot hide my disappointment.

My dyslexic/ADHD son is considering colleges where a student can take one class at a time. Each class lasts 3 weeks, going from Monday-Thursday. By the end of the year, the student has taken as many credits/courses as at any other school. The idea is that he need only focus on one class, simplify his schedule, have less time management issues to work out, and bond with teacher and classmates sooner (rather than, say,  forgetting to go to class before anyone would even know him enough to notice he was misssing...)

My counselor suggested something called "Radical Acceptance" (Google it) and I have been learning what that is and it also leads to dialectical behavior therapy.   Psychology 101 told us that people need to cope to stay sane and the tools of rationalization, dinial, and diversio, etc.

Emtional pain creates suffering only when you refuse to ACCEPT the pain. Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is.

Last night I dreamed that two people that my DH actually respects and listens to sat him down and told him to get off his a** and get a job, that sitting around the house collecting action figures and dreaming up the next big thing was completely inappropriate, and that it was extremely unfair that he was putting all the burden of supporting the house completely on his wife for the last 5 years. That he needed to stop shopping all the time, stop feeling sorry for himself. He shook both their hands and said "you're right" and they all went out to make a plan.

I don't want to leave my ADHD husband, but after nearly 20 years of being married, I am so tired. I'm so lonely, and I feel too old for not yet 40. I don't dream any more, or plan, because I know that even though it's not his fault, nothing we plan will ever come true. I'm so tired of the shame, of our overgrown yard, our disastrous finances, every day that passes with nothing to show except the same old arguments and his promises that he's heard me when I know in my heart, he can't change.