Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi all. This is only my second post here, but I have been following this site for almost a year now.

I am desperately looking for some help in finding a better wat to communicate with a partner who emotionally stonewalls. Absolutely refuses to acknowledge the validity of any viewpoint other than his. Wants to spend his time arguing the nuances of "logic" in a situation, rather than addressing the emotions involved. Tells me that whatever he did/said was "no hurtful" and therefore "he can't give me any acknowledgement for that".

I found this wonderful website while trying to do some research on ADD/ADHD, and have finally summoned the courage to post. I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He has diagnosed ADD, and is on medication. Typically, he is one of the most caring, kind hearted people I've ever met. He dotes on me, is attentive and tries hard to keep his ADD under control. He tries his hardest to listen and pay attention to me. He is very loving and patient. In almost all areas, he's the best man I could have hoped for. However, despite all of his wonderful qualities, I am at the brink of ending things.

Hypersensitivity and an Overwhelming mind...It's not by design and or even desire that the inability to communicate calmly is such a reality for many of us. It's also not the lack of love or even respect and/ or commitment in many cases....It's the working of the mind...When the mind is so cluttered with diseased thinking. When everything is in such an emotional, and psychological state for the mind that it responds (it's thinking flows out in words) without thinking (no filter) it's ability to start and continue peacefully is severely hampered if not impossible.

After three months of ADHD drugs and hours of self treatment (learning life strategies etc) I have seen improvements at work and in what little social life I occasionally have. Aw mentioned many times before: the suicidal thoughts have just diappeared too. However, the situation at home is as bad as it ever has been. As indicated by the many spouses on this site, being easily frustrated, grumpy, inattentive and impulsive makes someone unlikable. I get it. But at what point does persistent, verbal and physical aggression even against the most unlikeable person constitute domestic abuse?

So there is this quote by a poet named Iain S Thomas--I saw it on another website--it goes like this: Be soft.  Do not let the world make you hard.  Do not let the pain make you hate.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Lots of us here often post about how our ADHD person has changed us.  It makes me sad that my softness is gone.  My world with DH has made me hard.  My pain at not having the marriage I thought I would and wasting 20 years on it makes me hate.  The bitterness of the whole stupid situation has stolen my sweetness.  And so here I am.

This is a really complicated topic, but it is one I have been reading about to help me understand who I am and why I ended up being this way.  So far it is the only way I have been able to describe some traits I have that appear to be out of the norm in some ways which other people have noticed about me and especially in context to having ADHD and what I have read here in this forum about the spouses (men in particular) with ADHD.  In order to explain this I have to add some of my childhood abuse to this story because it is the reason why I ended up the way I did?  Just to be sure,  at this

I've been ready for years - we've been together for 16 years - and I know the mutually beneficial portion of our relationship ended at least 6 years ago. So I've been thinking about it for a long while and every time I come to this forum I vow to never be one of those who is writing this thread after 20, 30 or 40 years. But it just seems so unfair to my ADHD partner to leave. It's not like I'm perfect and trouble-free, so why not share our lives together til the end even if we drive each other nuts?

I have searched the internet on the topic of an ADHD parent and their impact on their children. There is plenty about ADHD & marriage but virtually nothing on how ADHD impacts children living with an ADHD parent. From my observation the impact is much like that on the nonADHD spouse, but much worse as children do not have the skills nor understanding on how to deal with the unwarranted anger, criticism and inconsistency in their lives. Has anyone out there found an online recourse or book that covers this topic.

This has become part of my daily existence and has now become my simple philosophy to follow on a daily basis.  It is my bible so to speak since it is such a simple set of rules to follow.  Having ADHD presents a different set of challenges for someone like me and one of them is getting mired down with too much information and being  easily overwhelmed by too much dogmatic thinking in general.  So many opinions, so many different ways to do things and so many different ways to see things?  What is right and what is wrong?  Who knows these answers and who is right?  It can be very confusing

I feel I'm frankly at the point where I am ready to file for divorce.  I feel like I've lost myself.  I think I've felt like that our whole relationship.  I am sick of feeling like I am his mother.  I am sick of my needs always coming last.  I am sick of feeling so alone.  I am sick of feeling unsupported and taken advantage of.  Most of all, I am sick of being lied to.  My husband has a porn addiction.  He is always on the brink of addiction with alcohol or anything else that will "numb the pain."  He hadn't been watching porn (at least to my knowledge) for a four months.  He started watch