I posted my story in another thread and keep coming here looking for help and answers. I am not seeing much in the way of hope, or happy endings. Is anyone aware of marriages that make it back to happy? I am so scared right now that it's not possible.
These are my stories too. My husband must have ADHD. For 30, yes thirty, years, I have lived with a man who has lost job after job and can't explain why. We are currently suffering financially because his job situation just continues to get worse due to his lack of focus and organization. He can't carry out simple tasks because he gets distracted doing others. He never remembers anything I tell him and it makes me feel like he just doesn't care. In the beginning of our marraige, he was so focused on me but lost that focus and now we barely communicate.
I'd like to know how many other people with spouses who have ADHD, have this issue: Work vs. them ONLY doing things they "want" to do......and even combining the two. I'll use an example. My husband has hyperactive ADHD, and I also believe there are co-morbid conditions, but not sure which ones yet. He's always been on the go......nonstop......even when he's "WORKING". BUT, most of his "work" (the work he does in his office at home) is stuff he invents and "makes up" to do. It's not work that MUST be done.
Our kids avoid their dad as much as they can. H knows this and blames me.
Our kids have repeatedly told him, "our opinions about you are based on what we've witnessed and experienced". But H won't accept that. He wants to believe that I "turned the kids against him."
The kids can rattle off dozens and dozens of stories where their dad behaved horribly, embarrassed them, or was cruel to me. But, H won't accept that.
He still blames me.
I sent H a text around 2PM. Just a silly little text. He always responds in some way to those even if it's a smiley face emoticon. I got nothing. I figure he either hadn't looked at his phone (very doubtful) left it at work (possible) or is pissed about something (probable). I know the kittens were being annoying the night before and running around the house keeping us awake so I figured he's probably really tired. I got home at 5PM and he was in the bedroom. Less than a minute after I get home, he comes storming out of the bedroom right past me and says "How the HELL are you"?
Now with H on 2nd shift and not getting home until 11PM, he feels the needs to stay up playing his video game until 3 or 4AM, which in turn keeps me awake. He plays it with his headphones on so I don't hear it, but even with our bedroom door closed I still hear him randomly talking loudly to the cats, walking up and down the hall to the kitchen to get something to eat, going to the bathroom. He says that he has to stay up that late so he can sleep until 10 or 11AM. Why? Why does he HAVE to sleep until 11AM?
I've been reading through some of the posts on the forum and I can't help but find myself feeling as though I've been slapped in the face! I see others feeling/experiencing/dealing with all of the same things I've been experiencing/feeling/dealing with! I just want to say thank you God, I am not alone -- for the longest time I have felt utterly alone in this turmoil.
A little background:
My DH has ADD. Many of his behaviors I attribute to ADD. However, some of his behaviors I'm just not sure about.
For example, He gives away, throws away, and sells my belongings. These are items that I made, that I bought or that have sentimental value to me. It's very hurtful. Once he tried to throw away a box of keepsakes from my childhood. Luckily, I caught him before he succeeded. His personal belongings, on the other hand, he cherishes and keeps almost to the point of hoarding. In your opinion is this behavior linked to ADD or is something else involved?
So my husband is ADHD even though he hasn't been formally diagnosed. He knows it, I know it, there is no question.
He works from home and has a great job in sales, spends a lot of time on the phone, but also has decent down time as well. Slow days to watch tv, browse the internet etc, while a lot of very nonstop days on sales calls, and the occasional meeting he travels to in his territory.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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