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Not sure marriage can be saved

Sitting here crying and terrified that my marriage is beyond repair.  The anger I feel towards my husband is overwhelming.  We are both in counseling.  have been married 20 years with two daughters, ages 8 and 5.  The full scope of how his ADD has affected our relationship is finally fully dawning on me.  I am so angry at the toll this has taken on me mentally and physically, I can't even see straight.  The more I learn about this, the more angry I become.  We used to be the envy of everyone...the most romantic, kind, fun couple anyone knew.  People used to tell me all the time how lucky I

H tells me not to do this and then he turns around and does it himself!

First off, let me say that H finally went into work yesterday for the first time since last Thursday! That was a relief. On Monday night he says to me, almost accusingly "Would you PLEASE do me a favor? Would you NOT buy any beer when you are at the grocery store tomorrow? I really need to regulate it so that I'm not tempted to drink before I go into work." Okay. I had no plans of BUYING you any beer since I don't drink it! He just made it seem like I'd be at fault for him not going into work if I bought him beer.

My ADHD husband says he can't be in this relationship anymore!

Ok I am new here, but certainly wish I had found .  Good grief, I had no idea how much ADHD was effecting and controlling our relationship and to find out I wasn't going crazy. That whole filling in the blanks stuff...holy cow, welcome to my world.  We have been married for five years, together for ten.  I have two children and he has none.  Misunderstood pretty much covers every fight we've had...we each misinterpret what the other is saying and then there's no going back.  And of course I am very easy going, don't hold much of a grudge, am not big on strick rigid rules....and he is not.

I'm the Crazy one??

New here. My apologies for the length. I'm really at my wits end. Husband has ADHD and is untreated. Refuses to go. My step son also has it. He is being treated. Blended family- 4 kids. 2 his, 2 mine. All under one roof, and feeling very very dysfucntional. We've been married 4 years, together for 6, didn't begin living together until we got married (I'm traditional). So, over the past three years, I have been patient, kind, supportive and have taken really all I can really take. My children are teenagers, one is already in college and the other is on her last year at home.

Husband wants to take a trip to Florida, but if I don't plan it, we don't go!

H never wants to be the person to plan anything. He'll talk about how fun it would be if we did such and such. He'll tell me half a dozen times over a 1 month period how awesome that would be if we could take that trip. Yes it would be awesome. Seeing as how it's YOUR idea and we would be going to visit YOUR relatives, YOU can plan the whole thing. Nope. If I don't say "Oh I'll make the plane reservations, I'll find us a hotel, I'll look for cool things to do while we are there" he won't do a damn thing.

How to survive your book.

My wife was very pleased and happy to find your book on ADHD & Marriage. She read it , and it made a lot of sense to her. ( It's was like she wrote the book her self ) she would say.We would read passages from the book as we read she would start crying describing this is exactly how she feels. As for some one who has been tested most of his younger life. I was no stranger to ADHD. All those PhD's never diagnosed me with ADHD, but after her eureka moment with your book and the circles that just go round and round on this subject I agreed to therapy and tests. Over 1k in Dr.

Husband goes to 2nd shift today---kinda excited!

My husband keeps thinking that I'm so sad with him going to 2nd shift and now we'll really only see each other on the weekends. Nope...I'm pretty damn excited he's moving there! Up until today he worked 5AM-1:30 PM so the only time I had to myself to truly be free to do what I wanted without any remarks from him was in the morning before 7AM when I went to work. Now he will be working from 2PM to 10:30 PM. I will be able to come home at about 5PM and do whatever I want! No constant "Why are you doing THAT? Why are you watching THAT? Why are you eating THAT?" from him.

How do I know he's really changed?

I divorced my ADD husband 10 years ago. We remained in touch because of the kids, and now the anger and pain have cooled and we are good friends. He wants to move back in with me when he retires in a couple of years. We have fun together and get along well, but ONLY because he doesn't live here and I put no pressure at all on him.

Apologies?

Do any of you non-ADD spouses ever get apologies from the ADD person? In my house, my ADD husband would do or say something that even he knew hurt me, but (this was a real conversation):

ME: It really hurt me when you did that

HIM: Don't you think I know that? Do you have to rub my nose in it? Don't you think I've suffered enough?

ME: Sorry

Wait, what? Did I just apologize to HIM? Crazy-making.

 

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