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Hi

I'm a 41 year old woman who has just been diagnosed with ADHD. I've got a MA,MSc and a PhD but I'm a train wreck organizationally. I can open the envelopes now but I won't read what's in them; I can do the shopping sometimes, clean sometimes, do the laundry sometimes....I recognize that this is hard for my husband to cope with and drives him nuts.

I'm not sure this belongs here, but the end of this is progress of a sort, and gives me hope (hard to come by right now, but I know it will get better). 

Background: I met a man in the spring of 2013. In October he proposed, and I moved into his home. I knew that he had undiagnosed ADHD. All of the signs were there. I talked to him about it a few times, but he wasn't too interested in doing anything about it. I had no idea, at that time, how bad it was... the unpaid bills, billing for his business not done, all of these grandiose plans, impulsive behaviors, and the LIES. 

I need to unburden myself and this anonymous forum where almost everyone nevertheless "knows" me seems a good place to do it.

I decided to make a new topic based on some things I've read here and a common complaint made by the spouses married to (us) with ADHD.  Straight up....the complaint is about how annoying or maybe aggravating it is when your spouse habitually comes to you and says " look, see what I did".  It was brought up recently in another post as: "See the progress I'm making."

My partner is adhd without any medication we've been in a relationship for 7 months and he comes over to stay for a few night every week, when we first got together his hyperfocus was on me and as it went on his hyperfocus went away and I researched adhd and taught myself that the condition he has is why I'm no longer the hyperfocus and I've accepted it (I've research deeply into ADHD to try and avoid relationship issues) but can someone please help me because when he's over he's on the Xbox or play station for ages and I'm just sitting there not doing anything and feel a little over looked

I am trying to be proactive and think about what will happen if I truly decide to end things. Dh and I both have our name on the mortgage. I started back to work a month or two ago and can pay the bills, but not anything extra for an apartment. Also, me leaving with the kids would leave him the house that I do not trust him paying for. Therefore, he would screw up my credit. I don't think I can refinance on my own b/c we have too much credit card debt and I don't make enough. If he refuses to leave, is there anything else I can do to make him leave?

The angry outbursts have been getting more frequent and worse with DH. There were several this week, including one today with his parents here (which is the second time in a week he has exploded with them here.) He was moving my daughter's carseat and didn't see she had a cup of hot chocolate in her cup holder. It spilled and he yelled and cussed about it in our driveway.

Endless circle that seems to be getting worse with my ADHD husband. I don't get it and I don't know what to do.

I have been trying to be supportive since his diagnosis in January 2009 but it is becoming increasingly more difficult as I get more and more overwhelmed. Do any of you see things getting worse as opposed to better over time?

Where do I start...

I am editing my story, because I feel as if I shared too much identifiable information about myself and my life, which left me feeling really exposed. I will consider resharing at another time when I feel more together. Possibly after I see a counselor. So much of my story is mixed up inside of the chaos of ADHD, and its been so many years, I'm not sure I can untangle myself from it all.