I have been married to my husband for 12 years and been together for 14 yrs. we have a ADHD son age 10. I am Non-ADD 37 and husband is 40. We are at the stage in our lives where we both believe it's just easier to divorce. I love my husband. I want to help him with his worrying.
I feel very odd about this, and it's very difficult to frame into words, but I feel so frustrated (?) and frightened (?) and empty (!) because my husband seems to be trying very hard to behave like a reasonable individual and - outwardly - appears to be pretty much asymptomatic at this time. This has been only for the past 2 weeks or so. For me, this experience feels like hoveringin the twilight zone, because I know that nothing has really changed and so I guess I am wary of the next big explosion.
First of all, I'm new to this forum. Today is my first day, and this is my first post. I happened upon this website accidentally while trying to research info about ADHD. My husband is undiagnosed, but he has ALL of the symptoms: I want to clarify that I love him, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I can't imagine my life without him...he's a great guy, and he is a wonderful man, but there is just something wrong...and it's ADHD.
So I tell H last night when I get home that I am going out with my friend on Tuesday after work. His first response was "Oh yeah?" in an actual nice tone like "good for you", but then that immediately turned into "Oh fine I see how it is. Go do your pub crawl with her and not me that's fine" I then tell him "It's not a pub crawl it's dinner. We can still do the pub crawl after work some day". He goes "No no that's fine. Go have your fun and I'll just party it up here". I got real quiet and walked out of the room wanting to cry.
Well up until a month ago my marriage was over. My husband had moved out, we were both blaming each other after many years of trying, failing, trying again, making agreements that would last for a month or so and then things would go back to how they were before. The ending of the marriage (we have been together 12 years and married for 10) was so fast and so brutal I barely had time to think.
When my husband and I were dating over 30 years ago, I eventually met his best friend. I didn't have a clue what his friend was talking about when he asked me if my husband had ever been on time to meet me. Little did I know about the wonders of hyperfocus! Since then I have tried every possible coping mechanism that I could think of, but he still gets mad when I insist on driving separately so that I can be on time. I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to have such a different sense of time.
Has anyone had a ADD spouse that has just been "angry" with them for no apparent reason (maybe that he resents that I've had to be "in control" of so many things/ He feels "parented" by me) for years/months and then continues to turn your teenage children against you-gang up on you?
I'm new here....and have so much I'd love to shout out at some people who may understand. For years my mom and sis were telling me my husband was ADHD and only a few years ago did I realize it's probably true.
I'm trying to figure out how to communicate with my husband but I don't want to dwell on him. Whenever I communicate about my feelings about relationship issues, he fires back with bitter and snarky comments. But if I communicate about an issue (e.g., money) and request a response and I don't say anything about my feelings, he doesn't respond. Yesterday, he said in an email that he is less likely to respond to my messages if they contain "negative asides." Unfortunately, it is hard to determine what he considers a "negative aside" to be.
Hi all,
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