Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi everyone, I'm new here...    hi!!   So I have been in a relationship with my first live-in ADHD boyfriend.   It's been interesting.   Like everyone - first contact was very electric.  Then, it kind of went crazy and I think we had sex for the first 6 months (on and off) and then decided to move in together.    We have officially not had sex for about a year now.   So you're probably wondering why I'm with him?  Well, other than the ADHD moments, he's wonderful.   He's a musician, we have a lot of interests in common, and he's a caring person.

I am new to this forum and looking for advice.   I am at my wits end and think my husband has ADHD. I am trying to find a way to delicately bring up the subject with him. I have a strong feeling it will end up that he completely shuts down or a huge argument. How did your ADHD partner get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult? Did the non-ADHD partner urge him or her to get diagnosed?

I have been with my husband for 17 years and am finally convinced that he suffers from ADHD. Over the years, we have logged many hours in marriage counseling sessions. We have always fought a lot over many things including finances and spending money on unnecessary items. He is a very successful entrepreneur, but he has had several job changes to get to this point. He has explained that he is motivated by money so in order to get motivated he needs to buy things for countless hobbies that come and go....

I just realized I never posted on this topic. A while back when my FH was diagnosed as ADHD (after him saying that he thinks he may have it, but wasnt sure. And after forcing him to visit with a psychiatrist [he had fears of being labeled a looney....]), and doing intensive research into finding the best psychiatrist possible, and being diagnosed, his family refused to accept that. He told his family because I figured it would help to have supportive people around him. His family would be more understanding, and after all it is his family. Why not tell them. BAD MOVE.

I've been doing a lot of reading on here, and sometimes I see similarities with my marriage, but in a lot of ways, my ADD husband seems "not so bad" compared to some.  So then I wonder if I'm making big deals out of nothing, or if I'm the one that is the problem.

We've been married 17 years, and have come close to divorce twice.  The first time was after a pregnancy loss, husband was undiagnosed, I needed support and he played video games all day.  We got him medicated and both of us into therapy.

It is excellent advice, if and when an ADHD partner has acknowledged the havoc caused by their behaviour and sought treatment, to look at one's own behaviour and attempt to modify it to help the relationship. But my problem was that I was suffering chronic stress and panic attacks due to the daily, sometimes hourly, shocks, rages, let downs, violence, hypocritical criticism, shouting, overspending my earnings, accidents and chronic poor behaviour that I was subjected to by what turns out to be three male ADDERS in the home.

What I have realize is that if my ADHD spouse are in the same room, trying to accomplish something, and I start to do it my way, he just takes over, and my only 2 choices seem to be:1.  get into a power struggle, or 2. walk away and let him take over and do it his way.  Neither outcome is nice for me.  An argument, or stuffing my feelings.

Any suggestions on how I can navigate this better?

How can you love someone you don't know? How can you love someone who won't share with you? I didn't know anything about what made him tick. It took 2 years of marriage before I figured out who was depressed. I thought that was the fundamental problem, not realizing that it's probably the result of his ADD.

Hi everyone,

Firstly, my husband has been diagnosed with ADHD as a child. We have also determined that his mother has it, and possibly his father (which has passed away 20 years ago). We have seen another psychiatrist recently to confirm that my husband is still struggling with Adult ADHD.

Seems to me this is just an excuse. Do they ever change? Do they even want to? Nope. And I say that because my guy is nice to whom he chooses, when he chooses, then acts like a completely heartless jerk to others when the mood strikes. 

It is crap. Immature, selfish crap. And no magic pill will make the huge difference. People only change if they want to.