Recent forum posts (all topics)

Sadly, I have found out that although some of his behaviors were caused by the ADHD, underneath it all, he really didn't love me.  It's time to walk away.  I just wish I hadn't wasted so much of myself on him.  

So needless to say, after 3 years of hell I no longer trust my judgement.  I've thought I knew what I was doing hundreds of times.  Turns out I never did.  I had recently decided to leave my ADHDer.  Besides not being there for me emotionally, he has become verbally abusive.  There is good though...many of the worst parts of his life have gotten better...much better.  He is working hard.  He is improving.  Maybe not on us as much as I need, but definitely on himself.  And from what I've read, fixing yourself is often the most important thing in these relationships.  Being able to take care

I ask because I am very confused by my husband's coaching experience.  It has been nothing at all like I've expected it to be, and hubby just seems to go with whatever with no real goals for coaching, which I think makes it harder for everyone.  He has done 2 types of coaching now with 3 individuals and only the middle one made sense to me.

Patience and Timing...  Timing and Patience...

...seem to be the root causes of many of the troubles between my wife and I.

Hyperfocus, inattentiveness, difficulties "reading" people, and a wibbley-wobbley sense of time all combine, so that while I might know what I should be doing, I never quite seem to do any of it at the right time.

An example...

I'm not quite sure what has changed at my house lately, but in the last few weeks my DW's shields have seemingly dropped to a level I've not seen in a long time. It seemed to start about two weeks after the whole "Car Misunderstanding" with me asking her how much weight she had lost. I know this seems like an easy thing to say as a compliment, but weight has been a Hot Topic for so long that I did not ever make a compliment referencing her weight.

I am 55 and my husband is 56.

...or so Hogarth Hughes tells the Iron Giant.

And it's that simple.

No one has to accept you just the way you are...  And that includes yourself.  If you do not like what you've become, you can choose to be better than you are.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to change who are. You are always who you are, even though you might no longer be who you were.  That does not have to be a bad thing.

Be who you want to be.

Pb.

A few years ago my husband was diagnosed with ADHD. He wwent on Straterra, but had little success. Recently, he has been having some major anxiety about work. He is behind and has lots of backlog, but so anxious about it that it makes it hard to accomplish much. I am also seeing what I think are some depression signs (sleepy, tells me that he feels life his life sucks all of the time even though logically he knows it doesn't).

I know that is a foolish way to think of this, but I am trying to be totally honest so I can get help to get over these horrible feelings.  My husband is a good man, he loves our kids and me dearly.  But ever since he was diagnosed with ADHD, I have had a hard time thinking of him as just a regular guy.  He has (in my EXTREMELY limited opinion/knowledge on the topic) very mild issues with ADHD.  Our entire 20 year marriage has been OK, but with me always thinking he was really selfish/childish.  I always had the hope that it would change....but now, his doctor tells us that it doesn't ever

No need for any dramatic story -- there isn't one.  Just accumulated small, undramatic things to the tipping point.  So tired.

But I do want to express gratitude to many of you who have helped me with my questions, listened to my supposed "wisdom" with an open mind, and pointed out things I've ignored about my own attitudes and actions.  This forum has been a necessary part of my journey.  Best wishes.