I just found this website last night. I read about three blog posts, figured out that this was what was going on in my marriage, downloaded the book and read it in three hours. I was nodding my head the whole time. I've felt so alone in my marriage of 1+ years, and I feel lucky that I found this information now.
I first joined this site just over a year ago. At the time I was so frustrated in my marriage, it was an impossible situation. My wife who I believe has ADD also found our situation impossible, but blamed me entirely for this, saying my behaviour was "unacceptable" and I needed to change. She however was "all right".
At the end of November last year she left the marital home and now lives in another city.
I have been doing some research lately mostly about ADD/ADHD as this is what my partner has been diagnosed with and it made alot of sense in regards to issues we have been having. I decided to start doing a bit of internal searching about myslef and have discovered that I am codependent...
Does anyone else have these same issues? Is it possible to change a codependent relationship into a normal one?
"Just me again...Im sooo angry. He acts like everything is just great and we all know it is for him. Found out last night that when we went to the halloween party and I went to start the truck with the understanding he would be right out that he wasnt helping clean up, he was partying with strippers!!! How great Im sitting in the truck for an hour (is response was "it was only 45 min, not an hour") waiting for him and he is partying. Nice to see how much I was wanted!!!! I dont even matter anymore and neither do my feelings.
Hello. First time here. I have been married for 11 years but the last four have been really rocky. I was deployed from 2008-2009. When I returned I felt more lonely and isolated. Wife would constantly spending less time with me and more time with friends. I told her I wanted to go to Vegas for years and when I returned she went with her friends. She constantly says I am angry and she is tired of me complaining about her lateness, money, intimacy , and not cleaning. We were in. Counseling which didn't work.
I was married several weeks ago and my husband's ADHD is sending me into a terribly sad space. I feel over burdened... like the parent in the relationship, and since I left my life behind bc we had to move to his community for work and family, I feel isolated. He has gone to start treatment, but I can't stop being sad. Honeymoon was awful... I might as well not have been there since he just wanted to play computer games. He is a lovely, fun and generous man.
For all the ADHD spouses reading this, please listen. If you have it, think you have it, or just show the traits, please don't wait to make things right. Explain what you're going through to your spouse and ask for patience and empathy. See, I didn't do that. It's going to cost me my beautiful wife and two kids. Sure they're not gone, but those bonds are. Our brains are different, not worse, just different. Do nice things for your spouse, break the cycle of bickering and fighting. Learn to stop and think things through.
I'm in love with a man with ADHD. i have had a lot of downs because of it but as hard as it is i don't want to leave are relationship but don't know how to help him and stop my self from stressing at him. If anyone could help me or have any tips i would be very happy
thank you
So... Long story short, have been with my ADD DP for seven years and have always been a rescuer (But have only recently learned that this is what I have been doing) Dp has only known about his ADD for 3 months and we are suprised at all the things we have been doing completely WRONG...
My ADHD husband claims he is working hard and is frustrated that I don't give him credit for his accomplishments. He also claims he doesn't want to bother working at this because he has no guarantee I will stay with him after he works so hard. This last bit seems almost like he is attempting to induce guilt - however, it is not working.
I am continually frustrated at things that don't change. An example, he believes he is not angry all the time yet I see him angry all the time.
How the heck do we measure the progress?
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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