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I have been in a 2 1/2 year relationship with someone I love. There is no doubt in that. But he has ADD and I have trouble reconciling who he wants to be with who he actually is.

In the spirit of the holiday (which really should happen at least once a week), I'd like to post a gratitude about my spouse, and encourage others to do the same.  Many counselors and "happiness" experts recommend a gratitude journal to keep life in perspective. 

I am grateful for knowing and loving a man who is so often upbeat and positive about our life.

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE.

Newfdogswife

Well Where to start?

I have been trawling this site (what a godsend it is) for the best part of 4 days and nights (as time and energy will allow at least). I thought it was time I joined to  find some support for myself and to try and gain some insight into my deeply distressing situation.

A bit of back history for you

Disclaimer:  All of this applies to BOTH spouses - I only address it here in this way because so many ADHDers, guys in particular, are working on their ADHD, but their spouses have already checked out and won't give an inch or join the party. 

I haven't been here in a while.  But it's just getting really bad.  My husband is now starting to deal with his ADHD.  He's doing it w/out drugs because he doesn't want to take anything for the rest of his life.  He is aware that he has been moving slow on getting things done.  He is making efforts.  I'm just spent.  When we get into a tiny arguement, I just shut down.  My back and stomach start to hurt and I feel exhausted.  We have 2 children.  He is a great father.  But I'm so tired of saying that because it's not enough anymore.  We have been in therapy.

My husband (with ADHD) has been experiencing growing dissatisfaction with his work/career...again. He seems to go 2 years and yearns to change jobs. He is currently in an educational program to support his career it has been an investment of time and money, going on 3 years. I want to be supportive, but these decisions affect me, our children (his step children) and our financial and emotional future together. We've been together 6 years and married for 3. I want him to be happy and satisfied, but I need stability. Advice?

I'm not even sure I need to say anything more than that.  

I am struggling so badly with this... I cant stop thinking about what DP is doing when I am not with him.  And wishing I was just back home and everything was "normal"

I hate that he wont be honest with me about our relationship, I hate that he doesnt even seem to miss us, I hate that I seem to be the only one hurting and most of all I hate the extreme paranoia that is consuming my thought patterns.

I know that due to my codependency issues I NEED to focus on myself, but I just cant seem to do it...

HELP...

I have my codependency book, I read it and take it to heart, I do my best to put what I learn into the situations in my life. But today, I'm very discouraged. I think it's making things worse.... part of me doesn't even care, part of me just wants this all to be done and over with. I'm tired of being pushed away, the steel-enforced concrete walls, and the condescending attitudes. I feel like he's looking for opportunities to make things even more difficult for me.