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I am relieved to stumble upon this website today after spending the morning searching for strategies / tips for dealing with ADHD in our marriage. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD almost 10 years ago after his daughter was diagnosed and since then, I have read about symptoms, strategies, and tips for her that helped her get through school.

Hi,

I am new here (non ADD), and I know that every relationship and ADD person is different, but do any of you non-ADD-female partner have some advice on how not be afraid of arguments?

I used to take two 20 mg quick release tablets of adderall a day. Now I'm on one 30 mg extended release tablet per day. I understand that the XR tablets only last for 8-10 hours. That's great for my work day but what about when I'm with my wife and kids in the evening? I find I crave caffeine to continue to stimulate my brain. 

Should I take my XR tablet later in the day?

Should I look into more longer lasting medication?

Should I stick with the caffeine?

(classic ADHD question) Am I overthinking this?

Once in a while, I check in here, seeing if there are any experiences that mirror mine. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close, everyone's experience is incredibly different. So, this is mine...

When I first met my now wife, she was funny, impulsive, opinionated (not as a pejorative), intelligent and used that intelligence well. She's still all of that, and each has its advantages and disadvantages.

My wife was diagnosed with ADHD when she high school and has learned to work with it over the years. She is not on any medication.
ADHD does run in her family, both her sister and father have it.
Since our relationship started I have learned more about ADHD than expected and have learned what she needs and how her focus and attention guides a lot of her interests and needs.

The one thing I have struggled with her lately, is that she feels like she needs to explain everything. 

I finally read the ADHD book with my spouse. Well we listened to the book on tape.

Cutting to the chase: One month ago I found this book and it scared me with how much it matched my marriage. My wife read it as well.

We finally had the results meeting with the (real this time, leader of local CHADD) ADHD expert.  She told my wife that she meets the criteria for ADHD and would benefit from ADHD treatments.

How are things going at your house?

How are you coping/thriving?

ADHD symptoms are always very evident at our house, but they have been even more evident because of circumstances lately.  If I told you all I've had to do, all I've dealt with during this latest situation, you'd nod your heads along.  You've been there.

This is my first time telling the truth in a forum or even saying it out loud to anyone other than my wife. It might be too late since I think my marriage is over - my wife seems anxious to label me as irrevocably selfish and emotionally disconnected and is thinking of it as an escape.