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My husband and I have been married for 5 years. In the beginning he was thoughtful, fun, etc and I had me we been happier in my life. After we got married things started to change. He has become unreliable and downright all over the place. Sometimes I feel like I have to do everything. I'm a RN with a stressful job and I feel like I always pick up the slack. The only thing I can depend on is knowing that he won't get it done. I feel HORRIBLE for talking so bad about him but I'm suffering.

Hello,

My wife is finally going to see someone who appears to be qualified to diagnose ADHD in adults.  The psychologist is the chair of a county CHADD chapter and wants to do things correctly--gather feedback from relatives, take three meetings before deciding, etc.

Is this pattern familiar to anyone? I'm extremely frustrated right now.

Me: [Says X]

Them: Why do you have to be so Y?

Me: I'm not Y, and here's the reason.

Them: You never listen!

Me: Of course I listen! You just called me Y, and I disagreed.

Them: I didn't call you Y. I told you that when you say X, you sound Y.

Me: Well, I don't apologize for saying X, and I don't think it makes me Y.

Them: Why can't you validate my feelings?

Me: I'm not going to agree with you that I'm Y just to make you feel better.

I would like to thank all of you who have given me another perspective, and for providing invaluable support over the last 5 years.  It means so much to have others to bounce ideas off of, without fear of being judged.  I have found acceptance here...Thank You.

Now for my question.

How do I stop knee-jerk reacting to my fiance's actions and behaviors?  "Just stop" is easier said than done.  Things have been going well between us, even in this time of pandemic.

I am really just ranting as this is a rhetorical question, but my goodness, why does ALL the work have to be mine? My ADHD husband is unemployed. His days are filled with nothing and anything he wants, typically staring at a computer screen. I continue to work, parent and run the household.

Following last week's Facebook post of my wife right next to someone without a mask, she told me that she wants to go to a local restaurant with this friend.  I said that it was not safe because they would be eating without masks within six feet of each other.  Then she said they would get takeout and go to the park.

My ADD husband found out today he now has type 2 diabetes. He knew this was coming, as he had several borderline labs. Yet today he was "so shocked". :/ He says he's been "busting his balls" with diet and exercise. I say- I'm not so shocked bc I watched you down a 32 oz Coke and ice cream 3 days ago. Oh- but that was a special occasion! It wasn't, other than being a Saturday. So now I have this added onto my already full and overflowing plate. He won't take the time to learn about it or plan meals. I am sure I will be expected to learn and make appropriate meals for him and our 5 kids.

I recently posted about my wife's impulsivity and COVID risks.

Yesterday, our son wanted to see a freind who is going to be starting college and said that they would walk around locally.  OK.  It turns out he got in the other kid's car and they drove to a restaurant in another town and ate a late lunch.  My son assured me that it was OK because his friend had taken a COVID test for the college.  Nevermind that the COVID test only shows if they had COVID when the test was taken, not if they caught it 5 minutes later.

Does anyone know of a good Facebook group for ADHD spouses and/or parents? My wife joined one that was exclusive to the non-ADHD partner which turned out to be mostly a lot of wives venting.

I thought it might be helpful to find a Facebook group for ADHD partners and was surprised to see a bunch of groups for non-ADHD and nothing for the ADHD partner.

Maybe you can suggest something? Hoping especially for something proactive and supportive.

Thanks!