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by: Swedish coast -
It’s not normal. Your husband seems delusional, focusing on his business but ignoring his health issues, your financial future, and also your practical future. Does he think he has no responsibility to help secure your situation ahead? Does he think he can count on your care and compassion, but not offer you the same? Unfortunately this blindness for what is fair and reciprocating seems to affect some ADHDers. I for one have seen this painfully close. It means one has trusted one’s partner’s...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I attempted to have a talk with husband yesterday, but it really digressed into a bad situation. He feels as if estate funds from his parents are “his” and I should have no say in how he spends them, even though these are the only retirement funds he has for himself. I tried to discuss what he has spent on supporting his business over the last 5 years (a VAST amount from estate funds, parents’ life insurance, and his IRA that he closed out), but he acted as if I was predicting the worst for the future...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Swedish coast -
J, that is an even better way of putting it. We probably need to regain our faith. Perhaps faith is equally helpful whether or not it’s religious. I know for a fact the world is everything, both brutal and sublime. It just comes down to believing in the beautiful reality of it. I wish you a good new year.>>> on Forum topic - Letting go of control
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by: PerezosoPrimero -
I've prowled this site and blog posts since my then-SO first disclosed a Dx of hyperfocus disorder very early after we transitioned from very close friends to a serious romance. Of course, hyperfocus is a target symptom and not THE disorder and this site helped me understand the true scope of what I'm dealing with. That was 7 years ago, and we've moved through partnership, registered domestic partnership and celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary in June if we make it. The SRR Loop, parent-child...>>> on Blog post - How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Impacts Non-ADHD Partners
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by: J -
Is winning the battle without a fight. I'm still grieving, still having my good moments and bads ones and everything in between. I'm not blaming anyone including myself......but I realized one thing that is absolutely true. The problem Im having is this. Even if it's not my fault, it's also not anyone else's fault including my soon to be ex-SO.... I realized something real, that affect everything. It's not trust I've lost the ability to have.....it's faith. I've lost my faith...>>> on Forum topic - Letting go of control
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by: Groot Lover -
Not only have I validated your experience which I’m really happy about but in your reply to me, you have confirmed that I’m not going crazy! That in itself makes things easier to cope with as now I know, he’s not looking for an argument - he genuinely believes what’s been said as having actually happened! Today, was a classic example. He was writing something and read it back to me as he wanted my opinion on what he’d written. I told him it sounded great, but then, and get this, he joked,...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: PerezosoPrimero -
For your posts. I’ve long believed my ADHD spouse was both having conversations in her head and confusing issues with with her exes ( she’d told me about) for issues with me. What I did at the time was gently but firmly advise her “that” conversation never occurred with me, and ask her if perhaps she’d rehearsed it to have with me and would like to give me more detail and context so I could respond. As for the other confusion, I was very lucky to know who she was actually confusing me with and...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: 1Melody1 -
It's so good to hear you have options if you need them, Off the roller. Wow, a break for you where he's at a treatment centre would be amazing! I fully understand not wanting to leave your house. I was in love with our home together - it was my dream home and I grieved us selling it to buy separate residences. It has been almost 5 years and when pictures of it pop up in my Google Photo Memories, it still physically hurts. Thank you so much for taking my comments with the love they were...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Thank you for your input and kind words. I am taking my time to make a decision about my future. Husband can retire, but he wishes to keep working for a variety of reasons (he deals mainly with senior citizens and feels as if he is the only one who actually cares about them). I am going to find a new counselor. Husband states he will go to counseling with me, but will see what that means. At this point, I am beyond angry, but am just very sad it has come to this after so many years together. How can a...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Swedish coast -
I think as a rule few people like to recommend someone to leave their husband. They think they don’t know enough. It could backfire. Et cetera. In retrospect, I wish my family of origin had done just that. Our family lived under their noses for extended periods and I confided in them. For many years I did little but tell of how upset I was with my husband. After divorce, I’ve realized their listening passively to this but never intervening was not neutral. It actually normalized our...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Off the roller ... -
I so hear you gurl. And appreciate it. Even if its not what I want to hear either. Everything you say is true too. I've come to terms that if my son had a marriage or relationship like this, I feel like I failed him as a parent. Big time. I do not wish this on him. An old therapist once said if someone was to call in to a radio show and tell stories identical to those I've already experienced, what would I think the listening public would do?? And the answer is clear. Leave him. Kick him out....>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: 1Melody1 -
I know you don't like people suggesting you need to get out of this situation so I try not to comment on your posts anymore. But honestly, I believe you must know in your heart what the only real solution left is. You don't deserve to be treated this way and if you had a loved one in a situation like your own, I can't imagine you'd be encouraging them to wither away further and subject their children to constant dysfunction in the name of staying in sickness and in health. You know firsthand what...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: honestly -
I hadn’t thought about the conjunction of menopause and ADHD before - guess it’s likely to be a challenge to say the least. HRT might help - but it’s a bit of a blunt instrument, just topping up Oestrogen and Progesterone whilst leaving everything else haywire, including adrenaline and cortisol, so its unlikely have the effects you would hope for in terms of her anger management. Menopause isn’t a cause of anger - it just takes the brakes off a bit; it disinhibits, rather than changes who you are. The...>>> on Forum topic - Hello, friends
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by: 1Melody1 -
I think in retrospect a lot of us feel like we've made foolish decisions (I know I do!), but things build, lives get intertwined and love/hope/family are powerful. Don't blame yourself as you haven't done anything wrong. I've been with you on this forum for some time and I think you're doing all the right things in protecting yourself financially now. IMO you have given so many chances and the likelihood of change is low. If you can still afford to retire if you split, I think that's something...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: honestly -
of me trying and him not trying. We had counselling. Daughter is broadly fine but I think didn’t need so much from her dad in terms of role model (she’s gay). Son is struggling with self esteem and has internalised a lot of shame and blame from his dad, that he’s now working through. Son and I have talked about this and other incidents, but daughter is not keen to. I struggled on and then hit a wall following a series of littler incidents, to do with his bad temper and impatience towards me while I...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Swedish coast -
This seems like a terrific idea. You should have support when addressing these issues since your partner doesn’t seem fit to be trusted. Thinking of you and wishing you the best. ❤️>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so sorry about this. ADHD can apparently wreak havoc on a partner’s financial integrity. I’d recommend to quickly get hold of a lawyer and get help to protect your assets. And no, I wouldn’t ever build a house with a partner who treats agreements like that. Wishing you all the best.>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Off the roller ... -
So this particular BIL has experienced this type of breakdown before and he was and is extremely supportive. He's helping me big time. But also yes, my husband is a great masker however this is severely cracked. And im here for it. Its time to get the light on this and heal and figure out what the next step is.>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Swedish coast -
Is it perhaps good your extended family witnessed this incident? Is there any support to be had from your brothers in law? I have been traumatized by my ADD ex hiding his symptoms from others so well, his entire family seemed convinced his only problem was being married to despicable me… and my family hasn’t believed me. I was the only one who saw how deeply dysfunctional he was. I don’t know if your husband drawing this kind of attention to himself will give you more support from...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Off the roller ... -
Between the incident and separation?... if you don't mind me asking?? And what happened in between, did you talk to your kids about the incident at all? How did they fair? My husband disappoints us every day but this was a big time new low.>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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