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by: anonym -
in my experience with ADHD spouse, at the beginning, there was a love-bomb of attention on me, hyper focus. it locked me in. then after few months, the love-bombing ("shinny and new") was on other random men whenever we socialized. At weddings for example she would find the single guy and talk in corner all night, with friends and family noticing. I think she was so stimulated by new energy she was disconnected from the social display she was making. and now in non social settings,...>>> on Forum topic - how do you manage memory issues in the relationship?
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by: FakeItMakeIt -
I am the ADHD partner in my 12 year marriage, and based on what my husband has related to me about his experience, I am not sure you are in for seeing any improvement. I would really try to get honest with yourself about what your goals are and what you need in a relationship to make that work. I am a very stable, educated, hard working woman in a great marriage, and I can’t tell you how much suffering my ADHD has caused in my marriage. Corny as it sounds, I would highly recommend taking...>>> on Forum topic - Where to Start
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by: jennalemone -
I used to be here nearly daily journaling my discomfort. A year ago my ADHD husband died unexpectedly. brindle2, You are where I was with my relationship. Accepting that DH is family. The good and the bad. Letting go of the romantic ideal I had and letting go of wishing and wanting the love and trust that I know exists between some couples. Complicated grief is the right term for what I have been feeling. I felt it before he died. I grieved the relationship (or lack of) before he was...>>> on Forum topic - Hello, all
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by: T00T00 -
Did she ever get tested for PMDD/PME? She might need prescription medicine for her mood swings. I was told that depression can come out as anger. It's similar to mine since it comes out as anger or feeling down on a daily basis. Also when your kids were babies/toddlers, were you as involved in child-rearing & house chores as you are now? To me, it might be resentment accumulated in the relationship. How frequently are the chores done by you (1 per 3-4 weeks versus 1 per 1-2 weeks...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: JB -
My partner has ADHD and it's really severe. We recently moved in together and so it's become far more prominent. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions and I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I feel abandoned and ignored (even though he always says he doesn't want to hurt me and is worried he will) and get snatches of the beautiful love he has for me. He's so all over the place all the time. I have gently mentioned his ADHD to him a couple of times before but he has either forgotten or...>>> on Forum topic - Where to Start
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by: Swedish coast -
Honestly is so right in that whatever we do, it will never be enough for an ADHD partner like this. If they’re in some way oblivious to how much we contribute, that would be the only explanation for their behavior. It frightens me to have lived this lopsided life for many years and not called the bluff. And nobody, except this community, understands any of it. It’s a mental warp.>>> on Forum topic - Marriage on Verge of Collapse-ADHD Spouse Digging Heels In
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by: honestly -
I don’t know if you have this but it was the most hurtful and destructive thing for me. If I had been heard, rather than stonewalled, blamed and dismissed, we could have got somewhere. As you want to make things better, I would try and focus on this at least in part. Is he actually being mean and cruel and blamey when he’s asking for change, or is he just asking (perhaps desperately) for change?>>> on Forum topic - Where to Start
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by: honestly -
This is all so familiar; only the details change. It is so weird to keep seeing the same patterns replicated across the world. I carried the whole show - kids, household, breadwinning, emotional labour - while my husband did his thing. His thing, after 10 years, finally made some money. I jumped up and down and hugged him and bought champagne to congratulate him, and told him he was brilliant and how I admired his resilience. Afterwards, in marriage counselling, he told me I had not been pleased...>>> on Forum topic - Marriage on Verge of Collapse-ADHD Spouse Digging Heels In
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by: Off the roller ... -
I think k you are mine and Swedish's long lost sister from another mister. We are triplets. I have so much to write bit for now, I want you to know you arent alone. I'm in the thick of exactly what you're going through. And it's so so tough. It does come down to closing ourselves though and it's so hard. I've been trying to point the finger at myself more instead of pointing it at my husband but dang, it's exahsting. We are on our 4th letter and this one finally hit home. But it was a doozy and...>>> on Forum topic - Marriage on Verge of Collapse-ADHD Spouse Digging Heels In
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so sorry to hear about this. I note you’re the dependable, hard-working and competent one in your marriage. Is it possible for you to get your own income now you’re done homeschooling? 20+ years of marriage taught me to not trust my ADD partner’s earning capacity. The last half decade while he was mostly on sick leave or working a small percentage, we all depended on my salary. Now I’m trying to make it all work alone, which is terrifying, but still a lot calmer than being...>>> on Forum topic - Marriage on Verge of Collapse-ADHD Spouse Digging Heels In
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by: adhd32 -
Why not move forward on your own and sign one lease for yourself. Tell him to take care of signing the other lease, or not, but you are going to stop putting your life on hold waiting on his decisions and will be taking care of yourself. What do you want? Do that.>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in a cycle of abandonment
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by: lana25 -
I agree with Swedish, I am by no means a professional to be able to diagnose someone. But speaking out of my personal experience, I’ve been in a very similar dynamic with a person who has bipolar. And I know he had the same dynamic in his previous relationships. Breaking things off with the first sign of stress.. alternated manic/depressive states… sounds like textbook bipolar behaviour. Heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If he is not willing to get this under control, I’m...>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in a cycle of abandonment
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by: lana25 -
I agree with Swedish, I am by no means a professional to be able to diagnose someone. But speaking out of my personal experience, I’ve been in a very similar dynamic with a person that has bipolar. And I know he had the same dynamic in his previous relationships. Breaking things off with the first sign of stress.. alternated manic/depressive states… sounds like textbook bipolar behaviour. Heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If he is not willing to get this under control, I’m...>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in a cycle of abandonment
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m by no means qualified to guess somebody’s diagnosis, but this sounds more cyclical than any ADHD symptoms I’ve seen or heard of. Would he agree to a psychological work-up? I think with these consequences for you and the family, every possible medical option should be explored if you want to keep the marriage together. Sorry, it sounds very hard.>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in a cycle of abandonment
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by: hyroxismylife -
I couldn't agree more. The harsh reality is that ADHD-impacted marriages only stand a chance when the ADHD partner takes responsibility and actively seeks professional help. My ADHD spouse walked the same destructive path - he weaponized blame, hurled insults at my life choices, and refused medication while demanding I 'just deal with it.' As a non-ADHD partner, I had a brutal wake-up call: by tolerating this behavior, I was essentially signing up for my own degradation. Let's be crystal clear - while...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: AdeleS6845 -
Relevance?>>> on Forum topic - Alprazolam 0.5 mg
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by: honestly -
With my ex, I’m increasingly seeing traits that look more autistic (and/or narcissistic) than ADHD. Eg autism: a preference for repetitive familiarity over novelty, sensory avoidance. Narcissism - very elevated sense of self-importance and seeking to surround himself with ‘important’ people. The notion that he would ever seek a diagnosis for any of this is frankly laughable, though; afahc, he’s perfect and I’m crazy for breaking up with him. It’s less of a pressing issue for me now that we have...>>> on Forum topic - Au-DHD resource request
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by: Swedish coast -
Your explanation of this is spot on. I think for those ADHD partners who aren’t successful in adjusting their behavior to their and their partner’s best interests, the non-ADHD partner becomes a sort of safety net. Either by expressing opinions on how to act in minute daily ways, or by deciding things, or by compensating by resolute action, or paying off debt for instance… It makes the ADHD partner rest (unhappily) in their shame. Sometimes I feel it’s the very presence of a neurotypical...>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: Off the roller ... -
Im in the same boat and also facing a child with autism diagnosis so I'd be keen to hear/see any recommendations.>>> on Forum topic - Au-DHD resource request
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by: Swedish coast -
Considering what C writes below, I wanted to clarify. There’s no point in creating conflict, and I in no way suggest unkindness towards your partner. However, a situation where she spends thoughtlessly and your subsequent emotions (uneasiness, anger, resentment or eventually panic) become the ‘brake’ for her spending, is in my experience terrible for a relationship. The non-ADHD person whose emotions are used for guidance by an ADHD partner does not fare well. So I’d firmly request that...>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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