Recent Topics

  • by: JJamieson - 18 hours 4 min ago

    I wanted to make a positive post about the progress that my wife is making in accepting her part of our relationship problems which I can start by saying her end of the legitimate things she has had to deal with on my end?  In our own way....each of us has had to put up with more than we have been able to deal with effectively ( and learn to cope ) with the unacceptable a times which I could easily evaluate as a category in in itself?

    1)  Learning how to cope and learning how to accept the unacceptable?  In respect to someone who is fighting you and in denial of their part or responsibility of the problems.....I think this is all you can do until ( when or if? ) they decide they have had enough and are ready to look at themselves ( seriously )....and look hard and close at what they really don't want to look at or admit to themselves.

    Speaking directly from my own experience.....this is a large pill to swallow and it can easy get "stuck"...on the way down so to speak?  I liken it to one of my dogs  in the past ( a female Doberman I owned who was stubborn beyond all get out ).....when you had to give her a pill for incontinence since she was "leaking" all over the house and causing a real problem if you can imagine? ( a stinky one by no fault of her own ).  We found that a daily dose of Estrogen...did the trick, but that meant ....getting the pill down her throat every day which was exactly what she didn't like? ( can you blame her? LOL )

    FYI:  Dobermans are wonderful animals and do not deserve the reputation they get as being vicious guard dogs.  I know.....I've heard all the old wives tales about how they're brains are too small and they turn on the their masters and are unpredictable time bombs of muscle and ferocious temperament and razor sharp teeth and will attack nearly anything that moves?  Well...comparing the 3 Dobermans that I did own in the past....to my two 5 and 6 pound Papillion that I own now  ( one nick named Poo...for Little Shit ) who's got an attitude problem as big as Texas. LOL  Rather vocal and a huge tendency for back talking and a "little man syndrome" that has always got to win in every thing!!!  Or the other one who is named Po ...who runs away the second you call want him to come or want him to do anything? Dobermans in comparisons are pussy cats and big lap dogs when it comes to actual behaviors that are "frightening" or even "aggressive"...in reality?

    I'm making this distinction here because I don't think that people or the person you are with ( depending on which is worse? )  have things about them that are most likely beyond annoying anymore and are really causing a disruption in your life and dogs are no different?  They each come with what ever particular "brand of annoyance" not of your choosing...which now you have to live with...or simply get rid of them?  And because I get very attached to my animals....getting rid of them is never an options?  I have had 1 cat live to 22 years old.  One dog who lived until 15...and only one animal I ever owned...did I lose prematurely from being hit by a car......and all the others have died or were put down due to age and it was their time to go?  I am even loyal to my animals because they are loyal with me and I give them the same respect and courtesy as I received from them?  I do feel strongly principled in respect to this...and there is a mutual respect of reciprocity that I tend to live by as a means of respecting myself....more than anything else?  If you don't understand how that related back to me for myself...then you'll have to figure that one out on your own but I feel....was worth mentioning because this is one the of the qualities I think you must have in order to deal with anything of this nature....man or beast?

    Anyway....back to my pain in the ass female Doberman?  As I started to say....Dobbies are actually wonderful pets and have many great qualities including being good guard dogs...that is,  only in that people seem to be afraid of them and mostly for no good reason other than they can be intimidating?  That they can be.....but only if you are afraid of them?  Like I was mentioning....my little dog Poo is about 20 times more intimidating.....but because of his size and the fact that he could barely do more damage that puncture your skin if he really got down to it.....he gets away with murder in comparison and my Dobermans were "Angels"....in the disposition and behavior department compared to my 5 lbs Papillon?

    That is....aside from just this one female named Kali.  Kali.....was a royal pain in the ass of a dog because she was so willfull and stubborn...even for a Doberman?  And with that on top of it...she leaked urine all over the house and was ruining the carpet and furniture and creating a "stench"...that was becoming "overwhelming"....when you first walked in the door?  When we finally found something that worked to stop this incontinence problem....now came another problem?  Getting the pills down her throat!!!  And going along with what I just said.....it come to blows between the two of us over this...and I finally had to stick my entire hand in her mouth and shove that pill......down her throat!!!  Literally!!! LOL

    And the reason for that is because they are such smart animals and they learn...rather quickly....to get around what they don't want to do?

    First....I did as the Vet suggested and put the pill inside something she liked to eat or her food?  I would come back and check her food bowl..and all that would be left was the pill sitting at the bottom of the bowl? LOL

    Next.....I tried tricking her with her favorite "Treat" of all.....Peanut Butter...by making a Peanut Butter Ball..and sticking the pill inside that and gave that to her to eat?  And instead of inhaling it like she normally would do....she would roll it around on her tongue until she found the pill and spit on the ground and continued to eat the Peanut Butter anyway? lol

    Then....I tried just sticking the damn pill in her mouth and took my finger and shoved it to the back of her throat which I finally found that worked.  Or so I thought?  I began hearing this "choking sound" coming from the other room where she would intentionally sneek off to.....to cough the pill up and leave it on the floor?  When I finally realized this is what she was doing.....I stated finding  wet or partially dissolved Estrogen pills in variously nooks and crannies on the floor in different rooms around the house since she had learned to hold the pill in the back of her throat ...refusing to swallow it...and then run off and cough it up and try and hide that from me instead. LOL

    Finally....it came to a show down between the two of us?  Either I got that pill down her throat everyday to stop the incontinence problem....or I had to get rid of her because the problem was that bad?  So there we were....just the two of us....looking at each other..and the kid gloves had to come off so to speak?  If you can picture an 80lbs female Doberman and me standing there with a pill in my hand....I finally had to tackle her and put a reversal wrestling move on her by grabbing her rear legs and flipping her onto the ground..and then lay on top of her pinning her to the ground and then taking her by the her snout.....and pulling her entire mouth open ( manually with one hand ) and take my other hand...and literally shove my fingers so far down her throat...that I could feel her "insides" of her esophagus to the point it was too far down her throat...to cough it up any more. 

    And her last ditch effort to try and stop me was to try and intimidate me by growling or snarling at me right before I did that and since I knew better...and knew her well enough to know that this was a bluff....when I got her on the ground and had her pinned...I got right her face and looked her in the eye...and growled right back at her with my face 1" from hers staring her down while I had her pinned to the ground!! LOL  There was no way.....no how....she was going to "win" or beat me....this time! LOL

    And just to make mention again.....she never ever "bit me" or even "chopped down on me" once.....during this entire process?  Not even broke the skin....which as I mentioned.....Poo ...has been known to do....by just trying to pick him up sometimes...when he has not wanted to go...where you want him to go...as a means to compare these two animals? Poo...is a very very bad dog sometimes!!! LOL  But at 5lbs....the damage is negligible? LOL

    On the other hand....Kali and I ...finally came to terms with this Estrogen Pill issue...and eventually ..she got the point...where she would stand there on a daily basis..and actually open her mouth up and allowed me to shove my fingers down her throat voluntarily with the caveat.....that if I didn't shove the pill down far enough and she could....she would still cough it up behind my back if I failed to get it down there far enough?  That never changed....but I rarely forgot to ...."shove it"....with her. lol

     

    I am not about to say or compare a person to a dog in respect to the process I just explained and this issue I had with Kali my Doberman?  But the corollaries I can make her are not all that much different in my experience with people as well?  Unfortunately....and as much as  we may want to.......you can't take you partner or spouse......and throw them to the ground and put a wrestling hold on them , sit on them...and then stick your hand down their throat and force them to swallow the pill of denial? LOL  But sometimes.....we wish we could, and that's a pretty close analogy in respect to humans beings and that much is very true!!! LOL 

    First and foremost....you would find yourself in jail if you did that so this...is clearly not an option!! LOL  But I think this story is not all that far from what I just experienced with my wife at this point in time...and I also get the same feeling that the worst of it...is now over? And in the same way I respect the intelligence and know for a fact .....that Dobermans are the 4th smartest dogs breeds of all the dog breeds...and are highly intelligent animals?  And because of that more than anything...they seem to have a very strong will and a mind of their own..and this is not any different I feel....than humans sometimes.  Kali...was her own worst enemy in respect to the fact....that for her own good...and for her own health and well being and quality of life ( beyond creating a real problem for me and the "stink" from this issue she had )  .....what I did...was for her...as much as it was for me....and in the end....this story had a happy ending...but not without going through everything I went through...to finally get her to swallow a pill...that made her life and mine....a happier one than before?  She finally passed away...at almost 14 years old.....going back almost 10 years previously.....to that moment or show down I had with her over this swallowing a stupid pill....that "didn't hurt her"....one tiny bit?

    It is hard for me to rmemeber exactly...the entire process I had to go threw ( over time in stages and with a lot of going back and forth...in and out of denial )  until I finally accepted that these issues that I have and all the struggles with trying to get control of them....were causing a lot of problems for other people...and I had to admit...that I was the one with the problem.....not everyone else in respect to my ADHD?  But in the same way I witnessed with my dog Kali.....I finally volentarily opened my mouth..and took my medicine as I knew ZI needed to do?  And once that happened and once I turned the corner so to speak.....I really never went back to the old "stance"  I had....and I no longer could use the same rationalizations or excuses...once I was able to see it for what it is...and my part of the equation and the light bulbs...started going on in my head....which is when I stopped....doing what I had done before?

    What I said recently here....if I had my wish.....was that I could be with someone who believed in me...as the first one on the list?  If I look back in retrospect to my wife and I together.....what I did, without realizing this....was give to my wife...the very thing that I wanted the most.  I believed she could change and my own experience told me so.....so by believing my instincts and my experience with that my self...and taking some of these lessons from my animal friends as well.....not giving up, and knowing it's a process....all I needed was the internal fortitude and courage to do it....in the face of someone trying to intimidate you out of doing so...and trying their best by any means possible...to spit that pill back out on to the floor...until I found a way to get them to swallow it volentarily..and finally give in to trying to fight me over what was actually in their best interest...as well as mine?

    Just recently after another moment of where it appears darkest before Dawn?  It appears the sun finally did come up...and I have to comment my wife for putting up with me...and doing so for her self...which takes courage beyond measure to do...and shows a great of amount of character in doing so?  Character...and integrity....despite....being a pain in the ass and being as stubborn as a mule?  Or ...a female Doberman?  Take your pick? LOL

    J

    Dobermans.....Mans Best Friend?

    https://youtu.be/XR5Cwz6kiQ0

    https://youtu.be/9f1zKqUvqj8

    https://youtu.be/9f1zKqUvqj8

  • by: PoisonIvy - 2 days 16 hours ago

    I had a phone conversation this morning with my investment advisor.  He and his assistant have done much to help with the post-divorce paperwork.  The latest thing is that I found out only last week that ex-h didn't return one of the forms and so I'm still listed as co-owner of an account and thus on the hook for related taxes.  I've contacted ex-h at least a dozen times asking to talk about the matter so I can figure out how to proceed; no responses.  So this morning I called the investment advisor for the second time in a week and asked if the particular form could be reissued and sent again to my ex-h. He said yes, and he also said that he would be willing to hand deliver the form and have it signed on the spot by my ex-h, the next time he's in that city, 150 miles away.

    When I got off the phone, I started to cry.  The combination of my general emotional fragility and being treated nicely by a person, especially by a man, brought me to tears.

    Has this happened to any of you partners (or ex-partners) of people with ADHD?  

  • by: jennalemone - 3 days 18 hours ago

    I had this conversation with a good friend yesterday.

    There is a grief, a chaos, a let-down at the retirement of a once productive person.  We once were parents, professionals with purpose, prestige and identities of that purpose, producers of money, of working homes for family, of guidance, of production, of beauty, of art.  We find ourselves now not knowing what we want....not knowing our purpose or even our own hearts.  Because we didn't want much for ourselves but we "wanted" for others. Our jobs were as caretakers of the well-being for others or for the well-being of the institution that supplied us with money. Now, it seems those others don't want us to serve in those ways anymore or we realize that there is no appreciation for what we were doing.  Especially for women, a "not knowing what WE want" seems to hit us with surprise.  Because our lives did not function on the road of what we wanted.  We were in service to the world, to our parents and siblings,  to our children, to our employers, to our clients, to our students, to our patients,  to our churches, to our neighborhood.

    What do I want?  I don't know.  I can't seem to make out a bucket list or a to do list without it being about and for others.  Were we fooling ourselves in making our lives about other people?  It also seems as though some women of a certain ilk that I know who I used to deem "self-centered divas" are now crowned with adoration by those people they once "governed" rather than "served". How did I have it so wrong on my "how to be" plan? I know of people who have lived their lives for themselves with strong boundaries, with strong ideas about what they want moment to moment. They seem happier than I am now...as thought they had some information about life that missed me. 

    I have a young diva granddaughter like this.  She is a pain in the butt sometimes when she so strongly declares that she wants the yellow one not the green one....with a fight to the death will to get her way for something that is inconsequential....she just wants her way.  She often gets her way just by wearing people down with belligerence. Will she be loved more than her sister who gives and works hard for the safety and comfort and well-being of others, being empathic and caring and considerate?  Is that the way the world works?

    I am dismayed that life rewards those who are strong willed and pushy and grabby.  

    Would it be wise to teach my other kind, considerate granddaughter to know what she wants and grab it, not thinking so much about those she might have to step on to get it?

    Shall I be careful to not quash my strong-willed granddaughter's fiestyness for what she wants?

    I am surprised how much I don't know at this age.  I used to think I was smart and that I was brought up good. Young people who set themselves up as "experts" on life issues do not know how the world turns and culture and views change.  The older we get the more we know we don't know for sure.

    What is the lesson for me?  That is what I am trying to get at.  Will H be more beloved by our children than I because he has a stronger self-will and I seem to have no will at all except to serve? Was I no more than a "hired hand", a waitress, cook, cleaning lady, chafeur, teacher?  While H was a character, a personable, unpredictible, aloof mystery?....a person of interest? a buddy on par with the children?

    Then how does a person who was bred to serve stop it and give herself permission and take steps toward a strong-willed self? I don't know if I want that.  I don't know what I want.  And if a person doesn't know what they want, how do they know where to go and what to do? How does a person have passion if they don't know what they want?  

  • by: vvnovember - 1 week 6 hours ago

    My husband so self un-aware, he can't accurately answer questions to get a proper diagnosis.  He always answers questions in the way he would like things to be.  Not how they are.  I am so frustrated that he keeps "failing" the ADHD questionnaire.  He's working in a different state, so I couldn't be there for his doctor's visit. I've spent years of trying to get him to see that his underemployment, financial disasters, poor emotional management, self medicating, disorganization, inattention, firings, no friends, hyperactivity--and my biggest pet peeve: interrupting me when I'm talking---all point to ADHD.  I know I'm not a professional, but I have been studying ADHD for years, as my daughter and I have the inattentive type.

    With no diagnosis, he thinks he's fine.  We will have been married for 25 years in April, and I really don't want to throw it all away, but we are both are exasperated. We'll be taking the upcoming couples course with Melissa Orlov, and I can bet my husband will be on the other end of the phone, 3 states away, knocked out sleep...It's so depressing already.

    Along with the questionnaire, he took a computer test (CPT3) this time around, and I guess he passed it.  The doctor told him all he has is very mild depression.  Lord, I wish she could walk in my shoes for 2 days.  I guarantee she would re-evaluate her results.  I've looked up the test, but I'm curious to know if anyone else was required to take the test for their diagnosis.

    I really love my husband and want to make this work for a lifetime, but I am not getting any younger.  So I'm putting a lot of hope in this counseling---hope that he will see himself in others, and initiate some well-needed changes. (And I'll be doing the same).

  • by: Whitepicketfence - 1 week 11 hours ago

    My SO of four years recently separated from me. After weeks of us being apart, he explained that the reason for the break up is because he thinks he is no longer in love with me. He is diagnosed ADHD but is untreated. Stress has been affecting his life and I'm afraid the added stress caused his symptoms to worsen. Reading up about how ADHD affects relationships has truly shed light on some of the issues we had in our relationship. He often told me he thought he didn't love me enough because he didn't pay attention to me even though he wanted to. Unfortunately, I am realizing how ADHD effected our relationship after we have separated. I do not think he is aware of how much ADHD has effected us. I suppose what I am ultimately looking for feedback on is whether or not individuals with ADHD tend to feel like they "fell out of love" because they don't know how to regulate their feelings. I'm also looking for opinions on how to address these issues when we are currently not in communication. Our relationship outside of the symptoms was excellent and after recognizing exactly what was going on, I am willing to work towards a healthy relationship. I am concerned about his emotional state and would like advice on healing our relationship from this point.

  • by: jennalemone - 1 week 16 hours ago

    I looked up conflict style on Google and took a few tests to open my awareness of my marriage conflict and the loss of our intimacy.  I also plugged in my guesses for H in these online quizzes.  It was eye-opening to me why our conversations are filled with chaos and our intimacy is missing.  I don't feel safe even in a simple discussion with him.  Here is why:

    All approaches to dispute resolution in intimate relationships must proceed with a primary concern for avoiding damage to the relationship by not using words, voice tone and body language that communicates contempt, derision, dislike, non acceptance or rejectioIn. Put another way, each partner must speak within a framework that maintains emotional safety for the other at all times. This means that resolution of disputes is limited to discussion, confrontation, persuasion, negotiation and compromise. Moreover, each of these must be done using techniques of neutral language and active listening to insure that problems are vigorously attacked without people feeling attacked and that we address behavior that disturbs us without conveying rejection of the person of the character of that person. Adopting this approach does not mean that issues are ignored. To the contrary, one of the things made possible by the adoption of this strategy is that no issue is ignored and buried because of fear that to raise the issue will cause a destructive, hurtful or useless fight. By creating a strategy in which nothing gets suppressed the couple insures the long term health of the intimate relationship.....Psychology Today, Sam Margulies.

    I have long known about the third entity in successful marriages....the marriage itself.  The assumed agreement that, to make the marriage strong some effort and compromise must be offered and some work toward the marriage is necessary.  I am accepting that I have been aware and in agreement to contributing to the health of the marriage but that H is unaware and unwilling to do anything but set up his own personal boundaries....tough guy, strong male, "no one is going to tell me what to do" guy, "Sit on it" guy.

    I am just making myself realize how in most areas of life I am a compromiser/team player.  I play volleyball, H plays golf.  Marriage is a team sport. If you can't "give one up for the team" but rather play offense for your own glory, then......What?  That is what some of us are trying to determine individually.

    I've been setting H up with assists all these years to the point where he actually believes that he has played full court by himself. A team of one.  There is an unawareness about him that I am just permitting myself to see and accept rather than to keep enabling him to waltz through life in a fantasy game where all his life enemies are embodied by this person (me) who has been trying to get him to work on the intimacy/safety of the relationship. His response to my attempts at a discussion with him was (with offensive posture and voice) when we were a young couple was the often repeated phrase: "I will not be married to a nag!" I backed off of these discussions because they became confrontations rather than intimate couple negotiations. I was not a nag but i would retreat in inner lack of belief in myself and the idea that I was "taking one for the team" and stuffing it.  This was wrong of me.  In a do-over, I would find support outside of marriage and work on my own inner strength and permission to hold strong on my dignity. 

     

  • by: Zapp10 - 1 week 1 day ago

    In my previous post recently I put a link to a site concerning an article......NOT video/audio. Once at the site on the left hand side scroll until you see an article titled....Reconciliation With Your Hardened Wife. THIS is what I am referring to. The written and video do not seem to contain the same info.

    I would like to add...in my view......that at some point.......as humans.....enough is enough. Decisions need to be made. Whether they are right or wrong will play out also. Striving to love and do a "right" thing. Sometimes a right decision IS NOT.....in the end. Sometimes you can make it right.....sometimes you can't. Trusting MYSELF to handle the outcome is ,to me, the biggest obstacle to my success....at anything. We search for ...input, advice, direction,answers etc. I seek.....not to find ones in agreement with me......but for one who offers another view and thoughts to give me a broader scope of possibilities in the hope that I may not be "missing" something. Yes,I find agreement where someone articulates my thoughts/feelings. I appreciate it. Just as I appreciate someone saying something that makes the "light bulb" go on.

    What I have learned in the past several months.....has been amazing to me. This site is invaluable in navigating adhd and marriage in general as that is representative so often in relationship(adder versus non). It helps you see also that adhd is not the cover all excuse for behavior....not just in a marriage but PERIOD.

    This article spoke FOR ME. After 43 years of marriage.......not wanting to WALK but finding that that is where I am headed........I did NOT EVER think I would BE thinking and feeling such a thing. It made me question EVERYTHING about me.....so like I said........enough is enough.

    My husband said to me a few months back......." you have become hard hearted" ....and I didn't disagree. I hated how I felt. I could not understand WHAT has happened with me? WHY can't I do/be the person I USED to be? It drove me nuts because I refused to believe there was ANYTHING that could cause me to become someone I had NO desire to BE!! Oh wait........I do not live a solitary/single life......I am sharing my life daily, minute by minute with another person. I CHOSE that. He CHOSE that. I am OVER the gray area of what love means. If we have differing definitions and they uplift us...great. If they are differing and they ARE HURTFUL........not going to work....period. 

    I DID have an expectation of loving and being loved when I married.......I am done with listening to that being debated and turned into anyone who thinks that is not thinking fairly. WTH! 

    " Sadly, most husbands have few memories of “hurting” their wives. But let all such men consider – if a woman does something as extreme as leave her mate, claiming she can no longer handle the emotional pain, isn’t it likely she is, in fact, in pain? (If emotional feelings could bleed, a man would see a trail of blood following his wife as she leaves him.) The truth is that a hardened woman only got that way because her feelings got hurt over and over. Herein lies the problem – most women believe that they have communicated their hurt to their husbands, but most husbands only have memories of their wife’s bad attitudes. All those times a wife thought she was simply expressing the cry of an injured heart, her husband only perceived hostility, coldness, or hatred. She felt like she was begging for tenderness and sensitivity, and he backed away because he thought he was being attacked. My experience is that most women leave their husbands, because they entered marriage with expectations of feeling cherished and secure, and their husbands unwittingly have sent the message that they are not. Hence, those women end up feeling defrauded, then often bitter and hardened."

    In the end......if 2 people who supposedly love each other CANNOT have an honest open discussion about ANYTHING.........?

  • by: cmo22 - 1 week 1 day ago

    I'm posting this here as opposed to a parenting website because I'm curious if this is an ADHD thing rather than just a dad thing. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We got pregnant with our son at 19 and at the time my husband was very excited to have a son. He did much better than I did during the newborn & baby phase and even seemed to really enjoy hanging out with our son when he was going through the toddler phase. But once he started school things seemed to go downhill. My son is a great kid, but has a lot of defiance issues. He is very argumentative, things he is always right, and is very lazy. He gets into a lot of trouble at school because of this and my husband is just done with it. My son is almost 10 and in the fourth grade and since moving out of state 9 months ago, I have seen my husband's relationship with our son get worse and worse. He cusses at him, berates him by calling him a "dumbass" or a "piece of shit," and has broken down several times saying that our son ruins his life everyday and he doesn't want to be his dad anymore or have anything to do with him. I'm constantly thinking of leaving, but honestly not sure if this is something that can be fixed or if I should just go. Has anyone else with an ADHD spouse dealt with this? I can't believe a parent just decides when their kid is 10 that they just don't like the kid, so they aren't going to do it anymore. All kids can be annoying and all parents can reach their breaking point, but you don't just abandon your child. Thanks in advance for any input. We got into yet another argument last night because my son was struggling with his homework and my husband walked in the room and just started yelling and berating him (which he claims was his way of supporting me?) and at the end of it his response was along the lines of "Well I told you I didn't want to be his dad anymore but you aren't listening." And so here I am again wondering if I am just wasting my life with this person and hurting my son in the process. We also have a 2 year old daughter that he loves spending time with,but I'm also curious if she will grow up to be someone he doesn't like either. Any input is appreciated, thank you for reading all the way through.

     

     

  • by: Zapp10 - 1 week 2 days ago

    I am not sure the link is working on this.

    I am somewhat numb and relieved(?) after reading this article.. http://www.ultimatehusband.com/main.htm

    It is faith based so there may be some who don't wish to check it out, however it is also human nature so if you want to take GOD out of it....feel free. There are MANY here that I believe will BIG TIME RELATE to the "body" of the words.

    It is a long read but will draw you in like a good novel. The title of it is Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife......I know, I know.......I DID NOT like the sounds of it either......BUT I forged on and am SO glad I did. For me....it does relate here...as adhd was the beginning of a journey for our marriage that has led to other discoveries often attributed to adhd but in further discovery are not attributable to it. I hate seeing behavior linked to adhd that IS NOT. Misunderstanding of what is and isn't adhd is serious business. It cannot be said enough.....if BOTH parties do not embrace the adhd there is little chance of a HAPPY thriving marriage.

    I am interested in hearing what others think of this.

     

     

  • by: HyperBallad - 1 week 3 days ago

    My ADHD Husband has a habit of finding discarded items when he takes walks. Today he came home with a pair of gloves he found. He was wearing them! It kind of grosses me out to be honest. He's found headphones and other random items that end up in our house. I feel like people throw things away for a reason - but he claims he's "rescuing" lost objects.

    He also doesn't ever take the time to buy himself new items. Instead of buying new shoes - for example - he wears my old ones! His coat is old and falling apart he has holes in his pants. I cannot remember the last time he purchased any new clothing or shoes. I feel embarrassed to go out with him! He's starting to look a bit homeless to me. I've told him all this - but his habits persist. I've also noticed that he will hide found objects because they upset me.

    In the past I've purchased him clothing - but this made me feel uncomfortable because then he basically does nothing for himself - or for me - except occasionally empty out the dishwasher - or purchase a frozen pizza for dinner.

    Anyone dealing with a similar situation?

     

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