Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • How to get a teen to cooperate with identifying and treating possible ADHD? by: bowlofpetunias 4 days 16 hours ago

    Our 9-year-old daughter was recently officilly diagnosed with ADHD.

    Our 15-year-old son has long had problems at home and school that fit ADHD:

    -failure to turn in assignments

    -playing video games or watching when he should be doing homework--he does this while we are in the same room!  We walk by, catch him, and he denies it.  Then we catch him again.  And again.

    -frequently interrupting speakers, including my wife and me

    -impulsivity and poor decisions

    -lying about things that he can not possible get away with--"Did you start the laundry?"

    -Refusing to do chores

    -Great difficulty getting out of bed--we often run late getting to work and have sometimes had to force him to walk to school after we left.  Once, the school had to call the police to collect him around noon.

    -Difficutly sleeping at appropriate times, but falling asleep an inappropriate times

    -Blurting out mean things or things that will get him into trouble

    -Lack of respect for our privacy

    -"Discovering" things I have already told him.  "The Griffon coaster stops at the top of the hill before it drops you!  Loch Ness Monster has interlocking loops!"

    -Not learning from past mistakes or consequences

    A big problem is that he has refused to cooperate with therapists.  He winds up going into the session and just saying everything is fine.  (It is hard to believe, but he doesn't mention the fights with his mother.)  We doubt he will cooperate with medication.  But I don't think there will be substantial progress until we try to treat the underlying issues.  (He already has an academic plan at school, but not specifically addressing ADHD.)

    A big complication is that I believe my wife has ADHD.  So consequences are not evenly enforced.  Sometimes, she will shoot right to the biggest consquence ("Then you can't go to camp this summer!") and then have no more cards left to play.  But he does go to camp, of course.  Sometimes the punishment is no videogames for the day.  After hours of me resisting his nudging to let him play, she decides to let him play without discussing it with me.

    The ADHD also leads to her having extreme swings about him.  She recently told me how much better he is doing in school this year.  I cautioned her to not get her hopes up to high.  Sure enough, she found out he did not make up a science test and has a 30 in the class.  This was followed by a HUGE explosion and argument between them.  She'll also expect too much, too soon.  I try to focus on get the work done and turn it in, even if it is not going to get an A.  Even when she tries to support this, however, my wife will always had that she KNOWS he can get As.

    Back when I was struggling with my doctoral dissertation, my wife thought she was helping by telling me that she KNEW that I was going to finish it.  I told her that what I needed was A empathy and validation of my feelings ("I can see why your so discouraged when you have so much farther to go and it is taking longer than you expected") and B recognition that I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE to finish it unless she changed some of her behavior (such as calling me several times in a row while I was trying to work or asking me to run errands because she forgot something.)  Telling me she knew that I was going to finish it meant added pressure on me--I was really going to disappoint her!  If it was so easy, then I must really be a screw-up if I didn't finish it!  During this time I had what I call "the bus fantasy."  The idea was simple:  If I got hit by a bus crossing the street, I would surely have an excuse for not finishing and no one would look down upon me as a failure.  

    She has recently told me that she believes our daughter is "faking" or "exaggerating" some of her anxiety symptoms in order to get attention.  OMG, I thought, how are we ever going to solve these problems if my wife refuses to believe that they are real?  If she is just trying to get attention, then why not punish or shame her so she will "learn her lesson"?  If we believe that she is truly having anxiety attacks, then we can get medical treatment and try to work with her in different ways than yelling and threatening punishments.  The fact of the matter is that she has not "learned her lesson" from consequences and punishment.

  • Tired of Feeling Sad, Angry, or Guilty by: iamlammypi 4 days 20 hours ago

    I just need to vent. So, I apologize for bad grammar, spelling, and whatever else.

     

    Quick summary of the relationship: I met my soon-to-be ex-husband in 2009, we moved in together in 2010, and married in 2013. He told me very early in our relationship that he had ADHD, and that he did not take medication because he was in law enforcement and the National Guard. Our relationship was fairly smooth until the end of 2014. Four months after we married, he deployed for 10 months. While he was deployed, we bought a new house together and I got us moved in as much as I could on my own so he could settle in with minimal disruption. I eventually moved out in September of 2016, and he asked for a divorce and began sleeping with another woman within a month.

     

    This woman wound up leaving him in December of 2016 because he was still hung up on me. So, he came to me and asked if we could try counseling with a new therapist. I agreed because even if it didn’t work out between us, I needed to understand my role and my mistakes so I didn’t repeat them in the future with someone else.

     

    So, what happened in detail...

     

    Husband returned home at the end of October 2014, and by that Thanksgiving I was sick with walking pneumonia for almost 2 months. During that time it was very hard for me to do strenuous activity, so most common activities (like walking up stairs) left me breathless and in pain. This put a strain on intimacy in our marriage, and it led to my husband yelling at me about the lack of intimacy and finally adopting the refrain that he would never ask me for sex again. And I say refrain because I began to worry about our marriage and would ask him if we were ok, and he would respond by saying yes, and reminding me that he would not be asking me for sex.

     

    In early 2015 I changed jobs to one much closer to home, giving me a 30-minute commute instead of a 2-hour one. We both thought it would give us more time together, and it did, but with it came more problems. My new job was in a bigger company with more challenging work and more work to do period. I started getting sick again, and was becoming very stressed out, so I told my husband I needed help because I was stressed and felt like I couldn’t keep up with things. He told me he didn’t “see it” and didn’t offer to help more around the house. During this time, though, he started to get really sexually aggressive with me both in and out of the house.

     

    I eventually became so miserable and unhappy that I started to push back and tell him to stop doing things like saying sexually inappropriate things to me in public, or to stop trying to poke at my private areas while driving (both when he was driving, or when I was driving). This started a smear campaign. Suddenly not only was I lying about being stressed, but I was lying about being sick and me asking him to go to the store to pick up medicine was all me acting. He told his family, coworkers, and soldiers in his Guard unit about our marital problems. He told people I was a psychopath and that I had emotional problems, something he is still doing to this day.

     

    And in response, people told him I was cheating on him and he needed to get a lawyer to protect himself. We started couples therapy, but the woman was really irresponsible--she kept confusing my husband and I with another couple, and was sending us emails accusing us of things the other couple had said to her or done to her. So, this obviously didn’t work and I put an end to the therapy.

     

    I was never cheating on him. I was always home on time after work. When I went out with coworkers, I invited him and he even joined on occasion. He spent a lot of time belittling my friendships, so I hadn’t seen or spoken to my 2 close friends since our wedding in 2013. I also kept contact with best friend who had moved to New Zealand 6 years prior to a minimum (we used to chat on skype everyday for an hour to keep up with each other), because he was annoyed that I would want a maintain what he considered a fake friendship. I wound up quitting my degree program because the time I spent on that took too much time away from him and led to fights.

     

    Finally, things got so bad that he stopped contributing to anything around the house and left me to handle it all. I paid the mortgage, and he kept paying utilities, but he stopped doing anything around the house except cutting the lawn. I found another therapist, this time in the nearest major city--they had great reviews and were featured in multiple magazine articles, had a thorough intake process, and had excellent communication. My husband wouldn’t go see her because she was downtown, and accused me of picking someone in the city so he wouldn’t go see her. I gave up when he still accused me of sabotage despite me showing him her credentials and explaining to him that the group she worked with could also help us if we need to do sex therapy or individual therapy.

     

    When I finally moved out, he was begging me to come back after 2 weeks because he couldn’t afford the mortgage, utilities, and take care of himself or the house. I refused, and the fighting got worse until he told me he was filing for divorce. In December 2016 he came back asking if we could at least try therapy again, and I said yes. At which point he admitted he began sleeping with a woman in October 2016--a month after I had moved out--but she left him because he wasn’t over me. I will be honest that this pretty much destroyed any hope of resuscitating the relationship, and I told him that, but we both decided to at least finish the number of therapy sessions the therapist recommended we try.

     

    I did tell him that I didn’t want to rekindle the marriage, and this sent the smear campaign into overdrive. He told me he wanted an amicable divorce, but he set up a double standard for communication--I couldn’t talk about work to him, but he could tell me about his work. I wasn’t allowed to feel sad about the way things went, only he was. I would get texts from him with jabs about me going to turn into a crazy cat lady, or telling me I’m a “stiff cock”. It got old, and I stopped responding whenever he texted. We now haven’t spoken in almost 2 weeks, and it’s nice.

     

    So, in the end, I’m left trying to understand how much of this was due to him having untreated ADHD, and how much of it was just things like incompatibility or inability to resolve conflict effectively. My closeness to the situation makes it hard for me to see all of that, I think. Regardless, for as sad as I am that it went this way, I am glad to be away from him.

  • Is going off birth control the reason our sex life started to suck? by: bowlofpetunias 5 days 12 hours ago

    Looking back, I think that our sex life started deteriorating once my wife stop using oral contraceptives and we switched to only using condoms.  No, not because I don't like condoms.

    There appears to be a lot of research out there that suggests women on hormonal birth control tend to be more attracted to "team players" who may have "less masculine" features, while women not on hormonal birth control are more likely to be attracted to "rugged masculine males"--and the negative baggage that society's conception of "masculine" brings, such as being less like to do his share of the chores and more likely to cheat.

    Well, I am certainly a team player.  I do more than my share of the housework.  I have been dependable even when my wife hasn't reciprocated.  I have not acted on any attraction I felt towards other women--though my wife has expressed jealousy.  (For example, when I was having lunch with a female colleague while I was out of the country doing doctoral research while she later admitted that she kissed other guys and went out dancing.)

    And I have always been "less masculine"--often the reason why I was beat up in school, for example.  I have seen not buying into machismo as one of my assets.

    In 2004, almost two years after our son was born, I got a really bad prostate infection. The doctors asked me when was the last time I had intercourse.  I couldn't remember.  As our son got older and more mobile, my wife used privacy as an excuse to avoid sex--he is still awake!  Then we had our daughter in 2008.  More of the privacy excuse.  Then more of the oh I forgot, oh I am too tired excuses (the ADHD factor kicking in.)  I have been waiting and hoping for things to bounce back.  Maybe they never will?

    About 2 years ago, I think, we were having so little sex--she kept making promises that went unfilled--that I asked her if she really wanted monogamous relationship.  She accused me of "threatening" her if she did not "perform" her "wifely duties."  Yes, she actually said, "wifely duties."  Gee, that made me feel attractive.

    Monogamy does not mean celibacy.  My agreement to not have sex with any other than her is dependent on actually having sex with her.

    I have been feeling more compelled to cheat, and my therapist has subtlety encouraged me do so.  (FYI, my therapist is a woman and she has directly observed how my wife and I interact.)  I haven't for three main reasons.

    1) My integrity--I am an honest person.  I keep my promises.  I stand by people.  I don't want to see myself as dishonest.

    2) If I did, my wife would become extremely jealous and not allow me to engage in the volunteer work that I do, which is very important to me.  She would assume every time I traveled to do volunteer work that I was having sex and therefore I should not go.

    3) I honestly don't have the time for an affair!  I would have to give up something else that is important to me, such as the volunteer work.

    I guess I also afraid of things like having to explain embarrassing medical problems, not knowing how to date (I was never good at it in the first place), etc. Looking back, I also had a tendency to become too invested in a relationship too quickly.  I am afraid of that happening again.

     

  • Finally found some time to talk by: bowlofpetunias 6 days 15 hours ago

    I’m sorry this is so long.

    I finally managed to have a real conversation with my wife yesterday—only after I expressed frustration that no one in the family wants to listen to me.  We got our 9-year-old daughter to play in the back yard—with some interruptions.  Our 15-year-old son was out of the house.


    Context—our daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and has strong OCD symptoms.  Our son exhibits lots of signs.  I used to think my wife probably had high-functioning Borderline Personality Disorder, but now I think it is likely that she has ADHD.  I see this as positive and hopeful because ADHD can be treated much more effectively than BPD.  She has been diagnosed as Bipolar II, and takes HALF of the medication prescribed—though she has had a gap in medication recently that she blames for her poor mood.   (Seeing her psychiatrist had slipped her mind.)

    I started by explaining how my father had not listened to me.  He would ask the same questions, over and over, and act like it was the first time.  I would tell him things over and over and he would not remember them.  I also mentioned that he invalidated it when I told him that I was being beaten up by bullies at school.  My wife jumped in that she was still mad at him for that—completely missing that I was comparing not being heard as a child to how she and our two kids don’t listen to me.

    I brought up something that happened the night before.  We went to a food and wine fundraiser for the schools.  She was standing at the only table with the whiskey and I joined her.  The woman behind the table remembered me and asked if I had tried one of them.  I said that I had and she poured a sample of the other one.  So my wife knew I was there—though she tried to claim otherwise during the conversation yesterday.  My wife has a pattern of being very interested in strangers and not paying attention to me.  This is what happened on Saturday.  At one point, my wife told the woman that we prefer beer to wine.  I tried to jump into the conversation with an analogy—whiskey is to beer as brandy is to wine.  But I could not get a word.  I told my wife the analogy after we left that table, but by then it was no longer really relevant.

    I brought up the subject of sex.  I explained how much it hurts me when she says she wants to have sex and then does not follow through.  I also expressed how frustrating and ego-shredding it is when we are having sex and she stops to start talking about something completely unrelated.  It makes me feel like I am the most boring sexual partner in the world.  She said she understood why the talking was a problem.  She said she was doing better about keeping her promises about having sex.  I told her that I had thought that she would have taken me up more often on my offer of oral sex, given that she has been talking about it for years.  She told me that the oral sex feels good but that she is “not used to it.”  She also said that she enjoys sex when we are doing it BUT does not think about it at other times.  (My wife does, however, make comments right in front of me about how hot Robert Downey, Jr. is--in front of our kids and other people.  I don't mind her telling her girlfriend that a celbrity is hot.  I mind her telling the girlfriend and her husband that Robert Downey, jr. is hot right in front of me, demonstrating to her friends that she doesn't have to think of my feelings.) 

    She said that her lack of interest in sex was probably do to aging and menopause.  I suggested she ask her gynecologist or therapist about this.  She became defensive and started telling me that maybe it was a biological problem.  I pointed out that, yes, that is why I suggested you speak to a medical professional about it.  Eventually she conceded that it was a good idea.  Keep in mind that I am on hormone replace therapy and I use Cialis.  (She had been very set against me using Cialis to address a medical problem and said that she thought taking the pill meant that I was no longer attracted to her.)

    I told her that I felt taken for granted.  It feels like she thinks that I am so unattractive/uninteresting that I wouldn’t be able to find anyone else so she doesn’t have to take my feelings into consideration to get me to stay.

    I also pointed out that the lack of sex started long before menopause—years ago, for example, she would promise sex and then stay up chatting with a friend on the phone while I waited in bed naked--and waited and waited.  I eventually put on my pajamas and went to sleep feeling like an idiot for believing her. 

    (I did not say this, but it occurs to me that sometimes it makes me feel like she wanted the sex in order to have kids.  Now that we have kids, why would she need to have sex with me?)

    She has also been bringing up Disney again—she wants to go in August.  One of our daughter’s symptoms is that she is terrified of animatronics and some statues.  She will scream and run away without considerations for her own safety.  I pointed out that even if we have the money for a trip to Disney, it would not be a good idea with our daughter.  She first responded that we are trying to get help for our daughter.  I pointed out that it was unrealistic to expect her to improve that much by August and that my wife has a pattern of thinking things will progress more quickly and smoother than they do and then gets frustrated and angry.  She then changed her argument to invalidating our daughter—she is faking the panic attacks to get attention.  I pointed out that that line of reason is incredibly counterproductive.  She then changed it to our daughter “exaggerates” her fear in order to get attention.

    Later that night, she got into a big fight with our son.  (She had been expressing to me how positive she felt about his grades.  I warned her not to get too excited.  Sure enough, he was failing science and she became very angry.)  They were both yelling very loudly.  Sometimes she would address me and say that she did not think she was yelling.  She also yelled to our son while she was right next to me. I told her this is traumatic for me.  She was invalidating at first—how could a little yelling be “traumatic.”

    He was cursing at her, which is one of her triggers.  She demands that no one curse around her because an abusive ex-boyfriend used to cursed at her.  I asked how long she went out with him.  She said one year.  I pointed out that I had had to deal with my father, grandmother and sister yelling like that until my grandmother died when I was 18.  I had to put up with my father and sister screaming until I moved out at 22.  So, yes, that kind of yelling is traumatic for me.  (I did not point out last night that some of this yelling from my father and grandmother was connected to physical abuse, but I have previously told her that my grandmother beat me with a belt or a hairbrush and that one time my father even hit me with a tv rabbit ear antenna I had broken.) 

    A few weeks ago, I suggested that my wife look into the possibility that she may have ADHD and that addressing it could help not only communication between us but also better communicating (and better parenting) with our kids.  She immediately complained that she has no time to see another specialist.  I suggested she talk to her therapist or her psychiatrist.  She accused me of “dictating” what she should discuss with her therapist.  I responded out that I was only trying to be helpful by suggesting someone she is already seeing who may be able to help.  She seems a bit more accepting of the possibility that ADHD may be a problem, but not enough to actually do anything about it so far.

  • Is It You Me or Adult ADD--the lightbulb joke by: bowlofpetunias 6 days 17 hours ago

    I read the responses to “How many people with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb” in “Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD” yesterday.

    Here are some responses that I thought up:

    Why haven’t YOU changed the light bulb?

    We don’t have money to spend on silly things like light bulbs!  We need to spend money on important stuff, like a trip to Disney!

    We won’t have to worry about the lights not working at our house if we’re at Disney!

    Why are you so pessimistic?  The light will come back on by itself!

    But my friend’s light bulb didn’t burn out!  Life is so unfair!  Why can’t you provide good light bulbs like her husband does?

    How could we have possibly known that the light bulb could burn out?  There is no way we could have planned for this!  What do you mean you said that light bulbs burn out and we should buy some spares?

    Why didn’t you tell me that light bulbs burn out?

    We need to change the light bulb every day!  (Starting tomorrow, of course.)

    It’s your fault that the light bulb burned out, so you owe me one of your light bulbs!  (It’s not a problem if YOU don’t have light.)

    I changed the light bulb!  Why don’t you ever notice what I do?  (Even though it is obviously still dark.)

    OK, so changing the light bulb may be important, but I have sooooo much else to do!

    Light bulbs cause autism!

    Did you notice the light bulb burned out?

  • I am married to a child by: dvance 1 week 12 hours ago

    Not that this is news to me but it hit me in the face AGAIN that I am married to a 48 year old child.  A little backstory--DH has been in Houston since September 1.  His company has properties there and 9 of them flooded so they sent him down there to head up the fix-it project.  It could be 4-5 months.  I gotta say--I was thrilled when this happened.  We have been talking about separating for a long time.  Our oldest son has been in Costa Rica on a gap year since Sept 16 so it's just me and the 16 year old.  And we just found out the owners of our building are not renewing leases because they are going to rennovate and reconfigure so we have to move by June 15.  So we spent our 22nd anniversary on October 7 talking about whether we would get one apartment or two.  We do not see eye to eye about parenting at all and that has been a HUGE thing the past five years as our two sons got oder (one is 16, one is 18).  So last weekend DH was up here from Houston for three days.  The 16 year old had a marching band compettion 90 minutes away and we actually went together and had a terrific time.  I had a glimmer of hope.  I should have known better because THIS weekend I got the same sullen, not listening, out to lunch person that I want to separate from.  I have asked him for the past, oh, 6 months to dismantle the fishtank which has been empty for months.  Still not done.  And instead of having the 16 year old do his homework, they sat at the table and played games most of yesterday, and then when I insisted the the child do his homework, DH says nothing and spends the rest of yesterday and today barely saying a word.  What is that?  The minute there is any whisper of conflict he just retreats.  I called him on it twice and he denies it, but seriously.  Grow up already.  The child has homework.  Perhaps put the games aside and, oh, be a parent and insist he do it for gods sake.  So that glimmer of hope went poof.  When will I learn.  

  • The repercussions. by: CaliforniaGirl 1 week 1 day ago

    I just had to write this down in a place where others might understand. 

    I still keep in touch with my ex's kids and/or their wives.  They were pretty confused when we broke up and we had been close so we wanted to try to still be friends.  Sadly, the repercussions of my ex's behavior are still affecting the people around him even though he and I are over.  

    The other night I had his oldest son, his wife and kids over for dinner and his son told me that he was trying to work through the anger he felt toward his father and the loss he feels now that I am no longer around.   He is flabbergasted as to why his father would have bailed out on me after 5 years together and after how integrated I was into the family.  He's sad because I was there for the birth of his first child, his wedding, holidays, and other life events.... and he's upset that I won't be there anymore.   His wife feels the same.   She had wanted me to attend their baby shower shortly after the breakup and of course I couldn't go.  Instead I sent along a gift and we meet up every few months so that I can see them and the grandchildren. 

    Of course I told them that I loved them and that I would do my best to always be in their lives, as long as they wanted me to be.   But damnit if this isn't all just so heartbreaking.  And now my ex is seeing someone new and in just three short months he has already started introducing her to his family.  I'm just sitting here shaking my head.  It's been less than a year since he and I split up not one thing about his situation has changed.  He is still not divorced from his estranged wife, his finances are still a disaster, he does not have steady employment or healthcare, and the house is still full of junk and falling apart.  Additionally his daughter and her husband have lived at his house for the past three years with no intention of moving out anytime soon.  Meanwhile, he continues to run around ignoring everything.

    I am trying very hard to move on with my own life and not concern myself with what he is doing but I cannot help but worry for his kids.  I grew to love them over the time when we were together and I know they're adults but the desire to protect them from potential pain is really difficult to deal with.  I can't help but worry about what happens if they get close to this new person and then that falls apart too once the curtain is pulled back on his mess...  Or what if they close themselves off to protect themselves from the possibility of losing someone important again, which is equally sad in it's own way.  Their mom and dad's marriage fell apart, and then our relationship... and now it's like I can see the train coming down the tracks again.

    Sigh.  Thank you for listening. 

  • How to chat to ADD partner about (perhaps not) living together by: Theworrier 1 week 2 days ago

    Hello everyone!

    I would love some advice on how to chat to my ADD partner about not living together, as I seem to keep doing it wrong, but I am desperate to try and come up with a solution!

    My partner of 4 years and I are at a crossroads at the moment. We used to live together which drove me mad - constant mess, and a constant battle to get him to do anything/get him out of the house. I ended up feeling very depressed yet in love, despite the constant arguments and nagging. I then moved away to go back to university, so at least I could feel more fulfilled in one area, as we'd often argue about how stressed out I would get at my previous jobs. I am currently at the beginning of second year out of three, living with other people and being long distance with my boyfriend, which has actually brought us closer thanks to the disappearance of the constant arguments.

    I really wanted to live with him again, but now we've spent enough time apart to make me second think whether I am ready to live with him again, which is very very difficult to chat about, as he is obviously taking it to heart. He wants to move to where I am in January, however he is feeling massively depressed about it as he will have no money, nowhere to live, and keeps suggesting that "no-one wants to live with him". It is difficult as I am in a lease until August, so I could technically move in with him next September - however it will be my final year, and the only year that counts towards my degree grade, so it's going to be high pressure and I really want to do my best. I am worried for me as I want to spend my time focusing on my degree, not trying to look after another person, or being dragged down to the lack of focus he has, thanks to the ADD. The difficulty is that he is not interested in doing anything to help his ADD after having a traumatic time of it as a child (forced on medication, turned into a zombie, lost his friends, stopped taking it and got kicked out of the house). 

    How do you even go about talking to your partner about it? I can't go back to how it was before as it felt like it was all on me, and then I was the one constantly creating the arguments, why couldn't I just "relax"? I have tried to tell him how I feel - how I felt like I lost myself - which really upset him. I've tried talking to him about the ADD specifically, which he says is him, "take it or leave it". I can see where he is coming from - all throughout his life he's lost jobs, relationships, got kicked out of his family's home, for the same reasons, and I can see how he desperately wants to just be accepted for how he is. However, when I tried to do that it took a huge toll on me, and my self esteem was shot - the forgetfulness comes across like he doesn't care about my feelings, which I am now trying to read up about to avoid going into that trap. The problem is, I can't jump back into living with him unless we can work out how we're going to do it, how we're going to delegate chores, etc, but when I tell him this he gets really upset, and says if we try and find a middle ground it'll only be on my grounds. We've discussed trying to have separate rooms, however this is very expensive as a student. He tells me I am pushing him away and I know how much I have upset him - he's not excited to move to where I am at all now, and feels like everyone hates him. What do I do?! I've made my boyfriend depressed and question himself by putting my own selfish needs first, and going down the route everyone has done in the past. However my degree is also important, and if I do badly I don't want to end up blaming or resenting him for it, which I fear could happen if we go back to our chaotic living style as before. 

    I really appreciate any advice you may have or personal anecdotes of how you set boundaries successfully. Have your SO's with ADHD overcome depression? How do you support this?! How have you made an ADD relationship work?

  • Now, where have I seen this before? by: bowlofpetunias 1 week 6 days ago

    This weekened, my wife wanted our daughter to help around the and told her, "You're not going to play all day."

     

    Our daughter started yelling repeatedly, "I don't want to play!"  After a little while, both my wife and I said, "OK, you don't want to play."  Nonetheless, she kept yelling, "I don't want to play."  Eventually, she said that my wife should apologize for "lying" about her wanting to play all afternoon.

    This reminded me SOOOOO much of fights I have had with my wife.  "Stop reading that Simpsons comic to her.  It is inappropriate."  "OK, I stopped."  "We have to be on the same page.  That was really inappropraite."  "OK, I am sorry."  Followed by at least an hour of her yelling at me in front of both kids that it was inappropriate--without me once saying, "No, I don't agree."  (Keep in mind, also that she had chosen to show our daughter the Simpsons movie the night before.  It was MUCH more innappropriate than the comic book.  She objected to the comic book talking about Barney's 12-step program.)

  • Why so little dialogue regarding the ADHD female spouse?! by: To be continued 2 weeks 1 day ago

    ...  are the guys just that quick to give up, put up or shut up???

     

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