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by: J -
"It sounds like you've carved a bit of a lovely slice of life for yourself after going through a lot of hardship. I don't see the point in polling for other people's opinions or allowing them to have a say on what you're doing, and while I think you're going to do what you say/planned out, it's still upsetting you that someone, like ur sister as the example, hasn't really listened to you. So for that, I'm wondering: why even repeat yourself?" Coming back to something you said now, after...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: Swedish coast -
I think you all have very good points here. And like Melody, I feel extremely cautious. I will ask why his former marriage didn’t work out. And also perhaps why he didn’t become a father until in his forties. My therapist has warned me not to express the caring side too much when dating. Which is wise. In fact, nobody has ever left me, and I’ve mostly given more than I’ve recieved. I’d probably be a catch for anyone who wants a wholehearted effort and deep affection. This...>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: J -
Having been in this situation myself doesn't necessarily give me any answers, only experience. If I ( probably older than your dad I'm guessing ) had to tell myself at your age, what would have been good information, that is, things I've learned to be true, I'd tell myself: Responsibility is not exactly the same thing as maturity. Especially emotional maturity which is one in the same as emotional intelligence from where I sit. Grades in school can show intelligence....but emotional intelligence is...>>> on Forum topic - Adulting
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by: J -
that matches something in yourself that you find attractive. That's what I discovered with my X ( ex So...X is easier ) especially at first.>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: sickandtired -
Please be careful about this man. He may be similar to your ex that I know you loved, but ultimately decided was not good for you. This new guy may or may not be diagnosed, but the behaviors you have described are concerning. Please read about comfort zones. You may be slipping back into your comfort zone while dating this man because subconsciously his actions seem familiar. Remember dating someone like this and being in a long term relationship with him are two very different things. While dating,...>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: 1Melody1 -
I'm exceedingly protective of myself as well now too. It's great that he's given you the green light to ask the questions you need to. Don't forget your gut knows things. Good luck Swedish!>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: Swedish coast -
Well I didn’t specify. But I said we might be on different places on a spectrum. That such difference has hurt me in the past. And I asked if I may ask some intrusive questions next time we meet. He said yes. Dating is a little less terrifying with plenty of time and some distance.>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: Swedish coast -
Sending a hug too.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: sickandtired -
Sending you a hug. It sounds like your dad taught you that your role in life is to be a punching bag. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom too. I know it’s hard, but you have to fight for your life. Don’t let your husband continue to ruin it during this stressful time.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: sickandtired -
My ex would have all of these grand ideas for many different businesses, and he would go out and order hundreds of dollars of expensive flashy letterhead stationery and business cards…only to have them sitting in a dusty corner for years because he never wanted to deal with the hard parts of starting a business.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I do appreciate all the comments made. I realize I am part of the problem as boundaries were not set and maintained (a lot to do with my childhood and emotional abuse by Dad). I must admit I feel foolish and stupid for putting up with this behavior for so long. I am doing my best to see clearly now as at age 67 I do not wished to be in a poor financial situation once I quit working. This IS beyond hard. I managed to get an appointment with therapist for tomorrow (April 8) by myself to talk over...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: J -
....as an art form. Ending at my last comment about acceptance didn't answer what's really beneath everything else. It's what I can't say, or the "thing" that goes unresolved...hence, the reason why you just have to accept it...."it" being the dynanic to be sure. In respect to my ex-So. I'm convinced that culture had a lot to do with our mismatches. What she deemed acceptable, I did not. That was a source of friction from the start and I'm able to see that more clearly than before. ...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: Swedish coast -
Reason may go out the window with ADHD in instances like this. To protect their self-esteem, an ADHD deciever might decide the problem isn’t their theft, but for instance you not appreciating them enough. I was thoroughly decieved. My ex told me when he moved out none of our agreements for 20 (undiagnosed) years had been real, since he’d always agreed with me for lack of choice. He took no responsibility for the choices we’d made. He then proceeded to accuse me of years of abuse. I...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: 1Melody1 -
There are so many times I thought, "If I explained this situation to 100 strangers on the the street, 100 of them would be able to understand what I'm saying. Why can't he??" But my husband at the time couldn't. There were times that it didn't matter what I said or how I said it or how common-sense-logical a situation was, he could only see his perspective and it was unshakable. I don't think it was ill-intent, but an inability to comprehend his impact on other people. I'm really sorry that you...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: adhd32 -
You didn't ever hold him accountable for his actions. First time was a warning but you did not set boundaries and hold him to them. He did it again and again with impunity knowing you would still be there accepting his financial abuse. Not sure why you are baffled, you accepted his actions multiple times in 5 years. It seems that you are not able to accept that he is a thief. It seems you are expecting him to miraculously change but the person who needs to changes YOU. Stop expecting changed behavior...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: littleADHDlatina -
hi>>> on Forum topic - Adulting
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by: sickandtired -
ADHD is a brain function disorder. The executive functioning part of his brain developed differently than yours. Executive functions like planning, organizing and following through on promises are affected. He is literally unable to see that he has broken your trust. Let me make an analogy: Just like a person suffering from polio who is unable to walk is not “lazy”, a person suffering from adhd is not doing these things because he is “selfish”. He is literally unable to grasp that his behaviors cause...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Himeros -
People with a long track record of financial indiscipline are usually dreamers with highly educated unrealistic ‘plans’. An organised business person at inception tends to focus on the hard parts, the drudgery tasks, as getting through these is key to building a solid foundation, whereas the bad with money dreamer will put their energy into the fun bits, such as making pretty pictures for the business. My expectation is these guys mentioned above will never change their ways unfortunately...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I appreciate the comments. Even after all this time together, I am baffled that he is unable to comprehend that breaking a mutual agreement (not once but 3 times) is more than just “poor judgement” as he claims. I told him his actions broke my trust in him, but he just states that is “my opinion” as if it is not true. How is he unable to see that his actions are hurtful and selfish? Maybe I should be more realistic in that he has shown me multiple times that his business/clients are more important to...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: goldenfleece -
Thanks we had tried her but she isn't taking on anyone else and we seem to be getting little response from the others - will keep trying!>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Couples Counselling UK (Swindon, Cheltenham or online)
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