Recent Comments

  • by: c ur self - 17 hours 19 min ago
    It's probably not a good sign; when we can identify w/ every line....
    >>> on Forum topic - When trying to find freedom

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 day 19 hours ago
    I agree.  Its not about him laughing at a TV program...its about him being oblivious, blissfully unaware and unaffected by how his behavior effects others. It is also about looking inward, and facing your own emotions. Stuffing it makes things worse.  I know, I did it for years.
    >>> on Forum topic - Stuffing it again!

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 3 hours ago
    I would guess your anxiety in those moments aren't about his ability to live happy and care free....It's about all the things he doesn't and hasn't done.....There are plenty of people who have the ability to be happy and care free...But they also have the character to see and take care of all parts of life....When we become something (happy and care free in this instance) at the expense of all other responsibilities, people will just get away from that....Or shut the door and turn up the music, because...
    >>> on Forum topic - Stuffing it again!

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 4 hours ago
    When it comes to God's will, and the reality of Spiritual eternity....I try to just hear the words of Jesus....I will not be carrying any guilt, thanks to his Grace and Mercy....Everything I do though needs to honor and be in obedience to the words of life...(sadly, not that it does, I know I didn't have to say that:) lol) I'm not leaving for selfish reason's...I'm leaving so the light of truth has a better chance to shine into dark places..... c
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: jennalemone - 2 days 6 hours ago
    Happy for you C.  Hope you find peace and new steadiness in your life.  I am relieved for you.   
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: anteight - 2 days 7 hours ago
    C i want to say that I understand your comment "my choices will follow me into eternity ". We have been programmed to believe we are to stay in abusive marriages by the church. Please don't buy into that. I'm realizing the idolatry of an institution over the person! Let me give an example: Jesus suffered on the cross willingly because it was for the greater good of all humanity and it was HIs primary purpose! There were other times in his ministry when he fled suffering because it did not serve a greater...
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 7 hours ago
    You guy's are awesome...I appreciate your prayers and concern more than you know....I know my choice's in this life, will follow me into eternity....But, under the circumstance's of our marriage, walking away from her now and allowing her to face the adult responsibilities life will bring, is the best gift I can give us both....It's a lot of mixed emotions for me right now.....I hate it has to be this way, But, I'm at peace with the fact it needs to happen.....What is going on between us isn't a marriage...
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: Gypsy-Sunflower - 2 days 9 hours ago
        I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and have been trying to work alongside my therapist to unlearn maladaptive behaviors. For me, it was a click to finally begin to address underlying issues. I also take medication to manage depression, anxiety and have undergone inpatient treatment. I work in my workbook, do my therapeutic homework, and try to use positive coping mechanisms like yoga to develop mindfulness.     However, much to my husband's denial I think he does have adult ADHD. Our marriage is...
    >>> on Forum topic - I have ADD. My partner has Borderline Personality Disorder

  • by: Will It Get Better - 2 days 10 hours ago
    C, Thank you for being such a loving 'voice of reason' on this site over the last years.  As hard as breaking up a marriage is, in my experience after 18 months of separation and 9 months since the divorce was finalized my soul has calmed and I can now look to the future hopefully.  While there are no guarantees I no longer wake up dreadfully each morning wondering 'What massively stressful thing will be brought to my attention today?'  I've also seen my ADHD ex-wife alienate some of our children.  It is a...
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 2 days 13 hours ago
    I know what a heartbreakingly difficult this decision must have been for you.  You are in my prayers, c.
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: 1Melody1 - 2 days 13 hours ago
    I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry it has come to this, C. Even when we know it is the right thing, it isn't easy. I hope you find some relief and peace with this decision. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: c ur self - 3 days 2 hours ago
    Prayers much appreciated...<3 <3 <3 c
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: c ur self - 3 days 2 hours ago
    I've always been the one attempting to hold it together, encourage unity and marital sharing... It's just time to face reality... I had a wife ( late wife) for thirty years before I met her.., (Real Love is always a mutual act of two desirous people sharing themselves)... I've read tons of descriptions the past 6 years about what it's like being married to a mind that just has no desire to put loving effort into the marriage.,, All of them were good... But someone not to far removed said their spouse was...
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: anteight - 3 days 2 hours ago
    C oraying for you. I know hard this is. The absolute heartbreak and grief over what we know could be but won't. I can tell you four weeks from the other side I have can breath. I have clarity that I've haven't ever had in my life actually. Stay in touch if possible and keep us updated on your progress! 
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: anteight - 3 days 2 hours ago
    Pepper   yes you understood what I said. I got pretty nasty and yes I regret it. Calm talking never stayed calm due to his constant minimising deflection excuses etc.  anyway I would highly recommend checking out Leslie Vernick and  Patrick Doyle. Both bible believing Christians that have given me sooooooo much clarity on our type of marriage. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: PepperPots - 3 days 3 hours ago
    Oh, and the fight....the kids mom showed up and engaged me. It wasn't me against some men. They men weren't so drunk they would hurt a woman. I'm sure they are actually decent people, but we're drawn into an unfortunate situation because my husband doesn't control himself. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: PepperPots - 3 days 4 hours ago
    This is where I'm at right now; fighting back verbally. Like you, I sunk to new depths I didn't even know I was capable of. I have some regret, but only because I spoke out in anger at the time. I hope I'm not misunderstanding that part of your post. When I wait until I'm calm to say something to my spouse, it goes much better. After holding it in for so long though, it sometimes just takes over. When I started writing on here six or so years ago, I still really loved my husband, but that has changed since...
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: PepperPots - 3 days 5 hours ago
    I complety agree with this. I'm happy being alone. I don't mind at all. I'd rather be alone and peaceful than together and chaotic.
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: PepperPots - 3 days 5 hours ago
    I'm sorry about you deciding to leave your wife (did I understand that right?). What made you finally decide? I got the impression you were in it for the long haul. Actually, I'm sorry it didn't work out, not that you decided enough was enough. How is she taking it? What about the extended family? 
    >>> on Forum topic - Nons in denial too

  • by: c ur self - 4 days 1 hour ago
    (Okay, your comment about your wife's sensitivity. My husband has that also. In his case he has mild paranoia and believes he can read the minds of others. So, if I say to him, "Will you please get the trash out this week?" What he hears is (because he knows what I'm REALLY saying), "I AM SO SICK OF YOU BEING A LAZY BUM! TAKE OUT THE TRASH OR I'M LEAVING AND TAKING THE KIDS WITH ME! JERK!") I think the sensitivity comes from denial, because they hate living with all the internal shame their living of life...
    >>> on Forum topic - Coping w. ADHD wife

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