Recent Comments

  • by: Innerlight - 15 hours 26 min ago
    We had a very similar situation... My ADD husband was driving and nearly hit a woman on a bike, who was right in front of the car... I shouted and he stopped, just lightly touching her.. The first thing he said when he got out of the car..... Its my fault!!!! Because I apparently distracted him by shouting.... I was so hurt.... BUT... the only way yo deal with ADD is yo not take anything personally... Try to be kind and compassionate, but keep your distance.. Respect yourself... Move closer to encourage...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD cause of abusive behavior?

  • by: SamBamiteko_ (not verified) - 1 day 12 hours ago
    It is not a bummer to have adhd thats your experience.
    >>> on Blog entry - Do You Have the Right Mindset for an ADHD Relationship?

  • by: SamBamiteko_ (not verified) - 1 day 13 hours ago
    is he getting treatment 
    >>> on Forum topic - What is REALLY happening in our lives??

  • by: Innerlight - 1 day 13 hours ago
    I have been subconsciously doing what you advised as positive manipulation. My marriage turned into a complete nightmare and I have tried to get away unsuccessfully... I have now realised that the only way to tolerate my ADD husband is to ignore him when he is offensive. It is impossible to reason with him... This is literally the only thing that works... To not take anything he says seriously, ignore the constant negativity and only respond to positive behaviour.... This is really difficult((( Thank you...
    >>> on Forum topic - What is REALLY happening in our lives??

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 day 17 hours ago
    Thank you Melissa. In a relationship, both Partners have to agree to work to make the relationship better. It does not matter if the people involved have ADD/ADHD. I appreciate all you do!
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger & Sex/Intimacy - ADHD Husband

  • by: andrew hulce - 1 day 19 hours ago
    Traveling together is an issue in our marriage also so I would like to see replies & comments related to improving travel together between an ADHDer and non-ADHD spouse. Thank You.
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: MelissaOrlov - 2 days 15 hours ago
    I don't keep percentages like this because it would be meaningless to do so without a baseline test of where they are when they start with me.  That said, my impression is that the majority do, in fact, improve their relationship, often quite substantially.  I know this to be true with the couples I work with personally, and I get positive feedback from many who take my seminar (which is actually the majority of the people I 'touch' with the exception of the books.)  This is why it makes me so sad to see...
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger & Sex/Intimacy - ADHD Husband

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 20 hours ago
    Your husband is wrong to withhold sex from you....He is also wrong to not love and accept you for the person you are...If there are things you aren't saying here about your own behaviors (anger, temper disrespect, selfishness etc, that would be wrong also.... But, based on your post (IMO),  he isn't respecting his wife, and his vows to you...A good devoted wife, is something to cherish, not take for granted...Your not his maid, or employee, your his wife (1 flesh w/ him)..... When communication WALLS get...
    >>> on Forum topic - Withholding sex/no longer attracted to me

  • by: Carriedout - 2 days 21 hours ago
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: mandi k - 3 days 14 hours ago
    Hey there, wow it's been many years since I've been here, but your post coming through brought me back. The only answer I have for you is that you can't communicate this. The only getting past it is to move on. It was super hard for me also with the same thing happening in my marriage of 20 yrs. The first day of the rest of my life began with me accepting what my psychologist said - that my husband couldn't change, didn't want to, and I needed to make better choices. I and my children have been the...
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: lizardman - 3 days 17 hours ago
    agreed.   It does seem a lot of "you adjust...i've got ADD"         
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 days 12 hours ago
    I felt the same way. When I looked at the whole picture of what I was putting up with, I wondered how the heck I had let myself get in so deep for so long. I don't think you're stupid at all. I think the little things pile and pile and pile up bit by bit like the frog in the pot of water slowly heating to boil. I think you're strong for seeing it for what it is and for starting a plan for yourself.  I had a really hard time finding a place too, with things being so expensive. There are definitely options...
    >>> on Forum topic - Withholding sex/no longer attracted to me

  • by: Poohnot - 4 days 18 hours ago
    Thanks Melody. I do have a job and we discuss finances a lot so I do know where all the money is/goes. I feel so stupid for staying. I do need to look into what I should do. Our mortgage payment uses both of our paychecks so definitely have thought about exploring apartments and such. Can't believe how expensive everything is. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Withholding sex/no longer attracted to me

  • by: I’ve had enough - 4 days 20 hours ago
    Mizeeyore,  This is the story of my life, too. Hubby and I got along well enough as long as I never questioned him, agreed with everything he said and did, let him take credit for what I did, etc. After three decades of keeping the peace at all costs, I had had enough of being his yes man and started to give my opinions. Things have been hell ever since. His fragile ego can't withstand the fact that I don't think like him. As for chore wars, I didn't even bother. I do everything related to the home and...
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 days 22 hours ago
    Hi there - without any further context, it sounds like you are being abused. Look up ''withholding'' as a form of abuse. Continuously hanging the threat of divorce over your head, when he likely knows you fear that, is also abuse. Putting down your mom and sister and telling you you'll be just like them is mean and likely meant to keep you on your toes and afraid. It probably doesn't matter if everything is in his name. If you're married, I believe in most places, you will be splitting these assets upon...
    >>> on Forum topic - Withholding sex/no longer attracted to me

  • by: em123 - 6 days 19 hours ago
    Rebecca,  Wow, I can relate to your post so much it is frightening. My partner and I both have ADHD. We have very different types of ADHD; he is hyperactive, impulsive, overshares, over-talks and has absolutely no control over his emotions. I also 100% believe he has an addictive personality. I am more on the inattentive/combination side of the ADHD spectrum and I am much more aware of my emotions and make a very conscious effort to monitor anything that comes out of my mouth. My partner smokes weed daily...
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger and emotional reactivity - untreated partner

  • by: 1Melody1 - 6 days 21 hours ago
    Hi Kal - I really empathize with your situation. I waited years to leave my ADHD husband for all the reasons you stated. Mainly, I did not want to share custody because he was an unfit parent. Would not remember to feed her (even though he'd eat himself), would not interact with her, and would not watch her adequately. He also routinely left stove burners on, doors unlocked, etc. I waited until she was old enough to 1. take care of her own needs for food, laundered clothing, safety etc. and 2. have a voice...
    >>> on Forum topic - How is it being divorced with an adhd spouse?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 week 18 hours ago
    I read your post and wanted to take a few minutes to think on it before replying. There are a number of what I consider to be “red flags” in your post.  Unless you have agreed to an “open” relationship, your partner shouldn’t be intimate with anyone but you.  If you have an agreement to be mutually exclusive, I don’t think he should be associating with your neighbor at all.  You are right, you shouldn’t be competing with anyone for his attention/time, etc. “how do we correct the girl next door when she...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD & Affairs - redefining our boundaries

  • by: Mizeeyore - 1 week 19 hours ago
    This is the only way I can come up with to stop the chore wars and the resentment after the  change once I committed fully to the relationship.  Just assume he doesn't care, because he doesn't.  Not out of anything malicious, he just can't care about anyone else all the time.  I just get to be grateful when my number comes up at his convenience.  Otherwise, I just live alone in a slightly bigger mess.
    >>> on Blog entry - Feeling Ignored - The Non-ADHD Spouse Dilemna

  • by: Mizeeyore - 1 week 20 hours ago
    Well, apparently marriage means that this household appliance gets to live happily ever after on memories of how he was before.  As long as I am "nice" and have no complaints even after he blurts out something absolutely awful, invalidating, untrue and inappropriately defensive, this will work out just fine, right? As long as he's never questioned, and always positively reinforced, it's all good.  As long as I always assume he has the best intentions toward me no matter what he says, everything is good. ...
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters