Recent Comments

  • by: dedelight4 - 1 hour 18 min ago
    Hi, violet. I'm so sorry about your husband's diagnosis, and I KNOW it's very hard to handle on a daily basis. Your husband has even more than many of us here. But, as you learn, you'll find out that there is often co-morbid conditions that go along with ADHD.      In answer to your question about ADHD'ers going off their meds.......YES, it is a common thing for them to do. It's the worst thing they can do, since the meds can work SO well. But, often in their minds, they have grown to be an adult and...
    >>> on Forum topic - New to this - New Marriage on Brink of Collapse due to ADHD symptoms

  • by: Shalott - 1 hour 57 min ago
    I like this, too. In my situation, though, no amount of drama on my part would change things today. In the past, I believe it would have made a difference. Today, however, there's a diagnosis and a prescription, and in H's eyes that's it. He has ADHD, he takes his medication, and that's all that needs to be done because the rest can't be fixed or worked on because it's "too late". As he said to me recently during an arguement, "This is how I am." I want to shout No, it isn't, because I spent 7 years dating...
    >>> on Forum topic - Big Dog. Little Dog.

  • by: JJamieson - 3 hours 33 min ago
    Obviously...you are not confronting him with this or you wouldn't be here saying this (at least as it appears)  And this is one of those ouch moments...but a good one to hear. (no facebook for me however...this is it ).  But what does he say or how does he respond to what appears to be quite a mess to deal with? I just came in and am all sweaty (hot outside here) so I'm thinking to myself.  whew!  Motivational download for me(yours) lol Just curious what he says about all of this? J
    >>> on Forum topic - Must be nice...

  • by: JJamieson - 3 hours 49 min ago
    There were concerns for a while...that what I was doing was flooding.  In part...this may have been true but I was never boiling over in all this time except on a few occasions.  What I realized when I took the brakes off....this is all me just hyper focusing and problem solving.  If you ever wondered what happens inside an ADHD brain in overdrive hyper focus?  I think you just found out.LOL But in light of what I said to Dede...I'm hoping the pressure will be off (and stay off for a while) and my wife be...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: JJamieson - 4 hours 59 sec ago
    My wife went to therapy alone yesterday...and she has returned with a better attitude.  I completely understand this..and as I see in her own process.....I'm in mine.  It hasn't been that long since I called on the floor about shaming me.  That really did hit the right nerve I think.  She has been somber and melancholy and even though this was part ploy I think....the ploy might have been sub-consious (more defense and default ) but she was thinking about it.  That's all that counts.  I didn't pry or push...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: dedelight4 - 4 hours 19 min ago
    J, I'm so sorry your wife is so hard on you so much. I could only dream of my husband being as open with me about his ADHD and learning MUCH about human behavior as you have. I pray thay she overcomes her fears (as it seems) about learning about herself. I don't know why some people stay so defensive and guarded about their lives when knowing some basic truths would set them free. (So to speak)            In another post, you asked me what it was that I wanted. (from my husband/marriage). I can boil it...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: Zapp10 - 4 hours 33 min ago
    VERY interesting observation jenna....I like it. I agree also.....it isn't JUST the adhd. and it sounds like our H's came from similar backgrounds as did you and I. I must say one thing about my H.....he very much cared about my mom. He respected her AND I think he was really taken by her acceptance of him. I know he compared her( silently) to his mother. Now, as to his mother "liking" me?......She refused to meet my mother until the day before the wedding and she refused to give a list of their side of...
    >>> on Forum topic - Big Dog. Little Dog.

  • by: Zapp10 - 5 hours 3 min ago
    I hope you don't mind but your posts made me laugh.....because I can sooo identify. Since the gloves are off I have managed pretty well at keeping a distance from H. I say little, expect less, make plans for me and am HYPEROCUSED on moving forward. I am NOT about saving the marriage.....I am about me. BUT because we do happen to cross paths and I am not always able to talk myself DOWN from the ledge......we had a "moment" last night. Even tho I didn't speak a lot, my ANGER was OUT THERE. I left and went...
    >>> on Forum topic - Must be nice...

  • by: Rosered - 5 hours 34 min ago
    J, it seems as though your brain is in overdrive (nearly incomprehensible comments and long even for you).  Are you in therapy or taking medication?  I'm wondering if some on-the-ground help would be appropriate for you these days.
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: jennalemone - 7 hours 17 min ago
    And if you don't do ANYTHING about it now, it will pile up and pile up and there you have it!  A house with a hoarder!  How did that happen?  Oh, yes, we are only supposed to talk sweetly and not MAKE them do something they don't want to do. And UNDERSTAND that it takes a lot of effort for them to do something that is not fun.  H is not on Facebook but he spends 6-8 hours a day smoking cigars, drinking beer and doing crosswords, listening to Public Radio. Now, be sure you try to UNDERSTAND him and NEVER...
    >>> on Forum topic - Must be nice...

  • by: JJamieson - 7 hours 29 min ago
    D....I understand and appreciate what you are doing.  And it the same context....I've done the same thing myself so I really don't take any offense.  How can I say this so will you understand.  And I think....this is something that might bode well for anyone here to think about that there is just no way for you to know. The talk that you are mentioning...I have attempted 100 times or more...coming at it from every direction one could possibly do.  I am you here as you are saying it....and my wife is your...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: NowOrNever - 8 hours 39 min ago
    All best
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: NowOrNever - 8 hours 42 min ago
    Hi, Doug, Just to let you know, I'm stubborn, too, and not because of ADHD, but because of who knows what in me, I sometimes take a long time, too, before I "get set" on a decision about someone, and then once I've taken my long while of listening and seeing pattern, I, too, lock into a judgment about how to handle myself around the person....and it takes a long time before I see enough to make a change from a decision that I've locked into about how to interact with that aperson. So I can be susceptible...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: JJamieson - 10 hours 41 min ago
    All women....do not have the experience I'm speculating to.  I didn't give all the details...but if it's true....there is something more here than meets the eye?  Would you have the tools and the insight to be empathetic here yourself?  You might think you would....but do you know how a woman might feel and the effect of this kind of violation along with the reinforcement by a mother who had a similar experience?  How would you deal with this kind of bias and distortions?  How might you feel if you if you...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: NonADHD - 10 hours 42 min ago
    J ~ Wow, I sense the anxiety and the attack. I'm sure it must be extremely hard to talk. If it was me, I would have a heart to heart, clear up any misconceptions, air it out ! A lot of woman would talk about it, and appreciate a guy who can go deep and have confidence and control in their emotions, not most, but in my experience, the ones who did not have ADHD, were able to talk. My lovely wife, cant do that. She just can't talk easily without being defensive. Its extremely easy for her to attack and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: NonADHD - 10 hours 52 min ago
    I never meant to point anyone out intentionally, not even accidentally. I'm just responding to my situation based off of perception and I never mean to point the finger. My home is in a mess right now so the last thing I want to do is point my finger. I'm trying to understand the thinking of my wife who has ADHD and it's pretty obvious based on the symptoms that professionals have labeled as ADHD. I'm amazed, dumbfounded, hurt, rejected by my wife's lack of empathy and understanding. I have had...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: NonADHD - 10 hours 57 min ago
    J ~ Why cant you empathize with her, she's a woman, she has needs and wants. Why the stand off. Just because you don't need empathy or would apologize that doesn't mean she doesn't. Can you feel her pain ?
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: JJamieson - 11 hours 1 min ago
    Okay....everything you said makes perfect sense to me now.  Going through my own processing in just thinking about lying and what lying really is (not what we're told it is)  is a lot more innocuous that I think..most of us think it is.  I just went back to that time in my life...and drew conclusions from that state of mind.  The same one while I was reliving that experience again...and recalling the "words" that I remember.  But now I can apply those words differently by remembering those same conclusions...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: JJamieson - 12 hours 26 min ago
    It's all come together here for me...just so you know.  I want to address everything in the exchange I just read between the 3 of you here:  NowOrNever, Doug and You Stacey (since I'm replying to you specifically).  Putting this into context....I'm having a conference call with all three of you on board.  Anyone else listening in...is just an audience but I'll pretend they're not even there like this is a private conference call between just the 4 of us. Whew!!  This is the most difficult thing I've found...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can Anyone Please Help Me

  • by: NonADHD - 12 hours 42 min ago
    Stacey, Go to Rejoice Ministries .com...read the testimonies and understand the conept. Move away from ADHD thinking to more of a normal marriage and its issues. Let me know
    >>> on Forum topic - Thrown out..

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