Recent Comments

  • by: c ur self - 57 sec ago
    I am so thankful you aren't being subjected to that kind of abuse any longer!...PTL.... c
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: c ur self - 23 min 12 sec ago
    Could it be love?...... Could it be we are hoping for a miracle?  Could it be we just love to suffer?..... Could it be we are the dependent invalids in the relationship?.... Could it just be our own insecurities? Could it be we know God is working all things for our good, so we continue to trust him for the power of patients in long suffering? Could it be finances? Could it be we know we would be much better in most aspects without them, but, we are so Co-dependent, it would be like throwing a minor...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: c ur self - 48 min 3 sec ago
    Your kind words and thoughts matter....
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 3 hours 47 min ago
    I never said "screw him" to my ex, either.  Not even after I'd filed for divorce. For the last 10 years of our marriage, I would make excuses for his behavior, almost justifying it.  Codependency.  I felt horrible and worthless as a result of how I allowed him  to treat me. I hated the person that I became.  I could not change him, only myself.  The last year of of our marriage was a nightmare.  I finally stood up for myself, put boundaries in place. Refused to engage when he was raging.  Walked away...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: SweetandSour - 5 hours 54 min ago
    Our problems are we do not want to accept what our spouse's living of life is telling us.." You are not important, I only want what I can get out you, or you can do for me. I feel no feelings for you, that would cause me to live, love, and commit to you, on any level greater than my own selfish interests...It will always be me controlling or attempting to control any interaction between us for my perceived good".... I'm a firm believer that most of us, who live w/ a spouse who has this type of heart and...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: 1Melody1 - 6 hours 44 min ago
    Welcome, Jackie. :) I hope you can find some comfort/support here. C, I am so sorry your wife hurt you today. Some days are so hard. "Dysfunctional and intrusive roommates" could not sum up my situation (and I suspect many here) any better. Thinking of you.  
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: c ur self - 12 hours 3 min ago
    I'm sorry you are so distraught....I've been that way, way more often than I care to admit....It's difficult to accept the reality of what is really going on in our marriages and relationships....But when and if we can calm down and just become the fly on the wall...(See it like a panel of 10 stranger on-lookers would see it)...Then it gets easier to accept it for what it is....And usually we find out, what we are already know....It's full of unhealthy interaction, or non at all....(still unhealthy).... I...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: Jackie York - 17 hours 51 min ago
    My husband gives excuse after excuse! I'm at my breaking point! I hear so many different ideas and it breaks my heart when I consider the options.
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD-ers and Employment

  • by: daizzebelle - 20 hours 47 min ago
    That sounds very frustrating. I am afraid that my H is going to end up unemployed/underemployed for the next 5 years which is what happened after he was laid off in 2012. I can't do it again. I am not willing to work 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet like I did last time.
    >>> on Forum topic - Soooo frustrated

  • by: daizzebelle - 20 hours 52 min ago
    And I would say it is inevitable that the marriage will end if the person with ADD refuses to get effective treatment or refuses to stick with effective treatment.  I am leaving my H. Not because he has ADD. I am leaving because he doesn't use the tools he has that help him. I am not asking for perfection. I am asking for him to consistently use the system that helps him be responsible for his own life. When he used it, it worked. Even he admits that it works when he uses it. It's simply mind boggling to...
    >>> on Forum topic - 19 years of dealing with a man child

  • by: daizzebelle - 21 hours 4 min ago
    I wish my husband could hear me when I tell him what I need and what I want.
    >>> on Forum topic - 19 years of dealing with a man child

  • by: Jeddy - 21 hours 52 min ago
    My husband got fired from his job a few months ago too. He had always wondered if he had ADHD but it wasn't until I took our daughter in to be diagnosed that he finally went in - sure enough, he has ADHD too. Now all of a sudden he acts as if he can use this as an excuse to be lazy. He doesn't take time to learn anything about ADHD or how to live with it as an adult. I send him links to sites that give great recommendations but he "never has a chance to read them". Probably because he is so busy sleeping...
    >>> on Forum topic - Soooo frustrated

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 14 hours ago
    We are all different people...Everyone is unique in their own way...But when two go to an alter and vow to each other (and God) to do the work of being 1...We should keep that promise....What does that mean? Well, because we all love our selves, and can easily get caught up being somewhat selfish...I find it really important to ask myself, "How would I feel if I were my spouse"?....No one can do in her life what I am suppose to do...No one can do in my life, what she is suppose to do... I have to ask...
    >>> on Forum topic - She’s gone for good this time

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 2 days 6 hours ago
    I'm a little confused here. You stated: We have two boys aged 4 and 12 and well after reading some of the posts here I guess I don't have it that bad.  My partner picks up the 4 year old and makes dinner every night, he does laundry, can grocery shop (although never looks at prices and buys a tone of junk not on the list), cleans and takes care of  the house and is able to work full time at a good job.  He is French and I am English and when we met we could not communicate and now most of our...
    >>> on Forum topic - About to cross the crossroads

  • by: BIGREDDOG - 2 days 13 hours ago
    When looked at through the lens as you describe it, I see myself as hypocritical. I don’t treat her as well as my words would lead anyone to believe. She deserves to be treated to the degree that I express my love for her, I truly want to give her my time, energy and devotion. I have lost my way and become engulfed in selfishness and now it will more than likely cost me my marriage barring a miracle.  My only hope of salvaging our marriage is to live a life of love for her as you describe it “with acts of...
    >>> on Forum topic - She’s gone for good this time

  • by: SandeeBee - 2 days 15 hours ago
    I am going through a similar experience but not quite as bad. I am married to a man diagnosed recently. Together for 16 years, married for 11. If there is drinking involved, he can’t treat the disorder without treating that disease first. It’s a deal breaker, in my book. You also need marriage counseling or individual counseling to get over your anger issues and superiority complex. It’s what I am working on with our therapist and it has made a world of difference. Make it clear to him that it’s not just...
    >>> on Forum topic - About to cross the crossroads

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 16 hours ago
    (He is putting the blame on me as I am very angry and yell at him all the time he says that he lives in a state of fear and I get it, I do all those things.  I also do all the planning, take care of all financial decisions (including all of the accounting for my partner's business), dentists, doctors, school items everything  that is not included in the tasks above. I also make most of the money, live in a half renovated home (that he wanted and was going to renovate but it is not done because I have not...
    >>> on Forum topic - About to cross the crossroads

  • by: c ur self - 3 days 29 min ago
    Why does she feel so unsatisfied as your wife? Based on your words, (all the adjectives you use here) she is more highly prized and loved than most could ever be.....Do you understand what love is? Love is never words...Love is your actions towards her, and the responsibilities you share in, on a daily bases.... If I make the statement... "I love you" , to my spouse, when my daily actions are being lived out to the contrary (justification of selfish interests) ....Then those words are hollow and empty,...
    >>> on Forum topic - She’s gone for good this time

  • by: BIGREDDOG - 3 days 3 hours ago
    I appreciate your input. I think she is so numb to it all that her answer would be that there is no way to save it. she says she hates the person that she has become with me and needs to go find herself again. I hate what this has done to her and I’m trying not to hate myself for what my ADHD has done to her.  my only hope at this point is to figure out as best I can what I’m doing that hurts her so much and change them. My hope is that there is enough time between now and the time she wants to separate...
    >>> on Forum topic - 19 years of dealing with a man child

  • by: adhd32 - 3 days 6 hours ago
    First ask her what it would take to save the relationship then do those things without comment or minimizing their importance to her.  Plan a date night start to finish not "let's go out" and expect her to get the sitter, feed the kids, and pick the activity.  Contact her during the day to see how she is.  Pick up groceries on your way home. Clean the bathroom. Wash the dishes, sweep the floor, take out the garbage, bathe the kids and put them to bed, do the laundry, mow the lawn, cook a meal and clean up...
    >>> on Forum topic - 19 years of dealing with a man child

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