Recent Comments
- by: MelissaOrlov - Think about differentiating between the fantasy boyfriend (the one who sees how much he has hurt you and changes his behavior to match your first impressions) and the real boyfriend (the one who actually behaves a certain way). It's too easy to get caught up in who you hope he will be vs. responding to the person he is actually behaving as. When it is all said and done, it is his actions that you must respond to, not your hopes.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD boyfriend ghosted me twice
- by: VBX - Thank you so much for this! I had a really good childhood or I think I did but I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my ex 6 years ago who was a narcissist. I didn't realise until after, I just thought it was him and I could change him as he was so lovely at the start. I think with me, when im love bombed which I was on both occasions I fall for them very hard and very quick. Even though this man hasn't treated me well I'm clinging on to the good times we had. He's opened up to me hugely about...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD boyfriend ghosted me twice
- by: MelissaOrlov - There could be a number of options about why he might disappear and reappear for you: He is having some sort of mental health issue (a la a manic or depressive episode if he has bi-polar) He gets highly hyper-focused into other things and is so engrossed he forgets about you for periods of time He has attachment issues and getting too close feels scary at some level, so he pulls back He simply doesn't know how to stay engaged in a relationship He feels more ambivalence than he is letting on...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD boyfriend ghosted me twice
- by: Simone - That is what I am afraid of. I am already exhausted and stressed.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Divorce.
- by: Eighpryl_AB - I have no words of wisdom or great advice. But I understand your pain. Most of us can relate to having Jekyll and Hyde as a partner and feeling like we spend our lives walking on eggshells so as not to set them off. I don't know about your husband, but mine literally doesn't understand that his behavior is, to a neurotypical, outright manipulative. He just sees it as doing all he can to get what he wants, and if he succeeds, he is actually happy, and doesn't see that other people are left feeling angry...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD, Anger or manipulation?
- by: 1Melody1 - I find it worrisome that HE claims to be paranoid that you're snooping when he's the one hiding a camera and lying about it. Look up deflecting in relationships. I wonder what he's so concerned about you finding, too... why does he feel you'd have cause to hire a PI? That thought wouldn't even cross the minds of most. It's a red flag that he accuses you of hiding things (when you're not), but he IS hiding things (his diagnosis, the camera... What else might there be?). A hidden camera is way over the line...>>> on Forum topic - Can a hidden camera really be blamed on his ADHD?
- by: Will It Get Better - Consult an attorney immediately (i.e. before you tell your ADHD spouse about your decision to get divorced.) You'll need to get copies of all financial statements for all accounts for the last three or four years. If possible, gather all of these documents before announcing you are asking for a divorce. Don't expect your ADHD spouse to 'rise to the occasion' for the divorce. If you think you've lived 'ugly' during your marriage preparing for the divorce is the final blowout.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Divorce.
- by: adhd32 - The requisite midlife-crisis trophy! Usually cared for with the utmost detail! Too bad that same intense care was never dedicated to the relationship. Imagine if all that energy spent polishing and tinkering around was spent on the house and family.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Divorce.
- by: adhd32 - Before having ANY conversation with your spouse about divorce see an attorney for guidance. The knowledge you will gain by knowing what to do to prepare is worth the fee and could save you from making, or agreeing to, bad choices. Don't listen to that friend of your cousin's or any other third party who got divorced as everyone's situation is different. Knowing the good and bad can help you figure out a timeline if you choose divorce.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Divorce.
- by: c ur self - Relationship's that have a chance aren't this hard...I married my girl friend 15 years ago....Our dating life sounded a whole lot like your's...In hind site it was a very bad decision....Not because I didn't love her or want to be her husband...No, there are many many people who aren't equipped to manage married life....The responsibilities...ie..communication, sharing, submitting, calm emotions etc..along w/the everyday work of building a life together isn't in some people's tool box...Of course I didn't...>>> on Forum topic - Struggling to communicate in a new relationship
- by: 1Melody1 - No matter what, I would recommend getting copies of all your financials in advance. It's also helpful to know your rights. The internet may be able to tell you that. In my case, I saw a lawyer in advance to get an idea of typical custody, support, etc. in my situation. My separation went fairly well, I would say. My ex was honest with the finances and didn't try for any custody. However, physically the hard stuff was left to me. I had to prep our house to sell - it was an insane amount of work with the...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Divorce.
- by: eyekahlo - And then there is the sportscar!!>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Divorce.
- by: eyekahlo - Simone-my breaking point occurred this past week. Finally reached it after 40 yrs plus.Oddly -I am filled with relief. A weird relaxing of anxieties..but without my emotional meltdown "floor show"- sort of how one might feel after a huge cry but with no cry! ( and no ben jerry's). Long marriage: his untreated ADHD,affairs,$$ issues,pass aggr, emotional unavailability, casino patron,, etc etc- and I mean a lot of etc. I did Melissa's course alone in 2016. I lost weight,got BP 2 dx ,treatment,therapist,...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Divorce.
- by: shevrae - You said, "But I also know this current time in our lives is the most stressed hes probably ever been." That may be true, but I can pretty much guarantee it isn't the most stressed he will ever be. Add kids and the stress level skyrockets. Add aging and other health issues and the stress level increases. I'm not trying to be discouraging, just honest. It's very hard to want something so badly (a life with this person) AND feel obligated (my parents have spent money on our wedding) but this is your one...>>> on Forum topic - Is it ADHD or is he just a jerk?
- by: commonbuckeye - I stopped working on projects with my husband because I felt so beaten up afterwards: there was no listening, no partnership, and not only was it not fun but it didn't even feel safe. I find myself in tears before vacations and holidays from the stress. He is really just not aware that how he acts is a problem for me (he says that he didn't do or say the things that I remember him doing or saying, or that he did do them but they weren't as I said they were) If I tell him I feel hurt or it's hurting our...>>> on Forum topic - Is it ADHD or is he just a jerk?
- by: Will It Get Better - Try to get all financial records documented and organized. It costs a fortune to have the lawyers fumble with them.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse runs away - literally
- by: jcfMA - You’re right! There is solace in shared experiences. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s frustrating to feel the same responsibility for your spouse as you would for a child. It’s normal to expect a spouse share responsibilities not BE a responsibility. Since he refuses to get help, kudos to you for taking action. I know it must be difficult.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse runs away - literally
- by: wildflowers - Your comment made me smile. Indeed cutting his raft loose will make a world of difference. Separation and divorce papers are now in works and to be signed shortly. Freedom is near.....>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse runs away - literally
- by: wildflowers - He came crawling back home. Of course. Just using a small amount of time to strategically get the separation papers and divorce papers signed. Wrap up this hot mess up and move on. done and done and done! :)>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse runs away - literally
- by: MelissaOrlov - It's a terrible feeling to sense that your partner isn't much interested in you (or harbors quite ambivalent feelings about you). It's lonely and confining, since you can't really find the 'consistent attention' you crave with another man unless you wish to cheat, which brings its own set of problems. I'm sorry you've been going through this. I suspect other readers will empathize with your plight. While you're still in it, I urge you to think about how you can take care of yourself in special ways...>>> on Forum topic - Avoidance and diversions