Recent Comments

  • by: TiredOTwife - 1 day 14 hours ago
    I completely understand where you're coming from. My husband has the same issue. We have a rule that he is welcome to sleep in our room if he is there before 10. After 10 he needs to sleep elsewhere. There is a guest bed he sleeps in frequently because he usually can't get to bed by then. I'm the breadwinner of the household and also do almost all of the childcare and home/financial/social management and I need to get up early to be at work. I get very depressed if I don't watch my lifestyle, so I don't go...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to let him experience the consequence of his actions?

  • by: JohnN - 2 days 6 hours ago
    There are a lot of good reminders in short sentences ;-) there for those of us on the ADD/ADHD side.  Thanks for posting!
    >>> on Forum topic - Additude article: Don’t Just Talk, Communicate

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 2 days 10 hours ago
    You may only be able to talk to his sister about it on a surface level, and I'm speaking from experience.  My former mother-in-law said this to me: " I went through a similar thing with his Father.  I decided I could either continue to take it, and be a doormat, or dish it right back.  I decided to fight back".  I could never discuss our situation with her. ( Because he is her son, she would never stand up for me or advocate for me in any way.) I believe now as I did then.  Marriage is not always easy.  It...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: kamakanti - 2 days 23 hours ago
    It is definitely isolating to not be able to talk to anyone. He told his sister, but I don't feel I can go on talking to her about it as we didn't have the closest relationship to begin with and she's dealing with her own health issues. A therapist is great and I appreciate the professional advice. But you can't call them like a friend, on any given day to talk things through. Some days I think about telling one friend, or my mom. Otherwise, none of my other normal marriage complaints make any sense...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: kamakanti - 2 days 23 hours ago
    Thanks so much for commenting. I will try to determine what filling my cup means for myself..
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: kamakanti - 2 days 23 hours ago
    Thank you! I'd love to hear what things for myself means to others. I feel like I try to do different things, like regular massage for my chronic neck pain, dinners out with my girlfriends, got a babysitter that would help with laundry, and do have a cleaner every other week. My parents are involved in my family too, watching the kids one or two days a week and when my mom is over she'll always do extra things around the house. I feel like I check a lot of the boxes on self-care on paper (except for...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: kamakanti - 2 days 23 hours ago
    I appreciate your response so much and can't even begin to express how it feels to have someone validate and understand what I'm grappling with. I'm overall struggling to determine the difference between supporting myself and giving up on him/us. It just seems like taking control of my happiness totally independent of him is like saying he isn't part of it, which feels sad. I don't have a clear picture of which parts of him are personality and which are ADHD, so I'm wondering what it'd look like to just...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: PoisonIvy - 3 days 5 hours ago
    Your post was hard for me to read only because what you write about your husband reminds me so much of my ex-husband (we've been divorced almost four years).  I think 1Melody1 makes very good points and suggestions.
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 3 days 14 hours ago
    It would be interesting to hear from the original poster, and others who posted in reply.  How many are still with their ADD/HD partners?
    >>> on Forum topic - Codependency and when to leave the relationship

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 3 days 18 hours ago
    That is how long it took leave my abusive ex-husband. It was never physical and he did not have ADHD and it was so hard to leave but I finally did it and I'm glad. The original post is an old one and definitely gave me food for thought. When does the non-adhd spouse stop making excuses and decide enough is enough?
    >>> on Forum topic - Codependency and when to leave the relationship

  • by: Calistorm - 4 days 4 hours ago
    I've recently realized I'm codependent and I've been reading everything I can find about it. In the process I happened to read something about adult ADHD and it rang a bell with me about my husband, so i read more about it and finally asked him if he'd ever been tested for ADHD and he was like "yes a long time ago, but I always take to much of the medicine", like it was no big deal! We've been together 10 years. There's been verbal and sometimes physical abuse. I've tried and tried to figure out what was...
    >>> on Forum topic - Codependency and when to leave the relationship

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 5 days 11 hours ago
    When you wrote:  "my ADHD husband has asked me not to share that he has it to my friends and family."  I was struck by that statement.  I am glad you have a therapist to talk to.  It can be isolating not being able to tell your family what is going on.   I agree what Melody1 said in her post.  You need to do some things for yourself, so that you are healthy and to be there for yourself and your children. 
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: 1Melody1 - 5 days 13 hours ago
    Hi Kamakanti. I really sympathize with what you're going through and respect the courage it takes to share your story. My husband is very similar to yours. He does next to nothing around the house and wants to spend as little time with our daughter as possible. For anything he is currently interested in (work when applicable, hobbies), he can find endless time. Honestly, it sounds like your husband is being understandably defensive. Mine is the same. It's a protective instinct that is really hard to break...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be supportive

  • by: c ur self - 6 days 12 hours ago
    My first thoughts reading your post is....WOW, what a truly descriptive post of what it's like to try and be in a marriage relationship with an adult, who is locked in a child's mind.....I'm the guy who lives in the world of boundaries (detached love theory, I think you called it)...But, I don't have two minors, which would severely hamper the way that works....I will just share this....There is a power in marital connection, call it what you will, (love, commitment, dependency, expectations, all of the...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to let him experience the consequence of his actions?

  • by: Rue - 6 days 14 hours ago
    Hi. I am new to this sight so please bear with me. We have been married for almost 8 yrs. We are in our early 50's and raising two Grandkids. One is ADD and the other is ADHD. My spouse was diagnosed as a child with ADHD, although I see nothing in him to suggest hyperactivity.  We are in the parent/child trap. I reluctantly took on raising the kids. Not because I don't want or love them but starting over at this stage in my life was not what I had in my plans. My husband was severely emotionally abused...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to let him experience the consequence of his actions?

  • by: c ur self - 1 week 1 day ago
    I joined this non site...There isn't a lot of activity on it, but, since I was planning on re-opening my FB account, (to enjoy my grand children's photo's and activities, and interact w/ friends) I though it couldn't hurt, I enjoy reading and sharing.... I also found a support group site for ADHDers, that is very active...Lot's of members.... c
    >>> on Forum topic - Confused

  • by: c ur self - 1 week 3 days ago
    It's so difficult to love your spouse, and watch them inflict self destructive behaviors on themselves, (and you and the family who can't help but experience the fall out at times) and not engage them about it. (want to help, be the fixer).....But Adele is right....Not all add/adhd spouses are in denial (mine is) about their issues....Some can hear loving, kind input from their spouse's, whether they have the disciplining ability to do anything about it or not...Only you know if he could receive it, and...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to let him experience the consequence of his actions?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 week 4 days ago
    Has your husband sought professional help for this problem?  Perhaps a therapist experienced in treating ADHD could help.  I know with my fiance, he goes to bed at the same time most nights, even on the weekends.  He gets up at 5:30 each morning, and has a long commute to work.  He uses a noise machine at night, or leaves the TV on a timer to help his mind shut down so that he can get to sleep. I would urge against developing a parent/child dynamic between you and your husband.  Even though he has ADHD,...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to let him experience the consequence of his actions?

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 week 6 days ago
    I will definitely check it out.
    >>> on Forum topic - Confused

  • by: VSH - 1 week 6 days ago
    I found a group called Non-ADHD/ADD partners. I dont know what the country of origan is but it's an English speaking group.
    >>> on Forum topic - Confused

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