Recent Comments
- by: ThelmaLynn88 - If you're unhappy with him, divorce him. How would you feel if someone came in to your life and tried to change everything about you to accommodate their needs? It would make you feel like an object or a means to an end wouldn't it ? So if you're unhappy, leave and go find someone without ADHD who you can accept and stop torturing your husband. It sounds like he would be better off alone than with someone who doesn't accept him anyway. Non-ADHDers need to just live in their own worlds together and leave us...>>> on Blog entry - How to Grieve for the Relationship You Didn't Get
- by: ThelmaLynn88 - It's clear that you have no idea how ADHD affects a person. Maybe try not treating your husband like the scapegoat ? He may have better energy levels if you didn't make him feel like a total burden for suffering from ADHD>>> on Forum topic - Contagious passivity
- by: Non-ADHD-Hubby - Richad, yes there is hope, The Joy in Marriages section has testimonials about this, including mine which can be read here: https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/there-hope-adhd-impacted-relationships>>> on Forum topic - Can this ever be good?
- by: Swedish coast - Thank you. Likewise, I hope you and your family will find balance. We have a similar situation with diagnosis 18 months ago and a rough trial period of medication since then. Best wishes.>>> on Forum topic - Contagious passivity
- by: Swedish coast - That sounds so awful. I'm glad you have a better situation now. Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it.>>> on Forum topic - Contagious passivity
- by: Quercus McGurkus - Dear Swedish Coast, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's tough and exhausting and frustrating. I'm the ADHD spouse and while I never locked myself in a room I certainly locked my wife out of my emotions and thoughts. I'm bi-polar as well and it was not until I had lithium that I could order my thoughts to tell my wife what I was thinking. Years of that habit as well as being a loner naturally have contributed to a serious lack of communication and affection and connectedness. I'm struggling to...>>> on Forum topic - Contagious passivity
- by: sickandtired - My ex boyfriend would lock himself in his room... yes, we had separate bedrooms... for days if I disagreed with him on even minor things. It was like his silent temper tantrum. He would stubbornly stay in there for DAYS sometimes, just to "show me". After he would finally come out because of extreme hunger, etc. I would go in and find bottles full of urine. Oh yeah he showed me all right! He showed me that there was no way I was going to tolerate that manipulative and filthy kind of behavior for the rest...>>> on Forum topic - Contagious passivity
- by: Swedish coast - Thank you for sharing your insights! I too believe the low emotions are possibly the hardest part.>>> on Forum topic - Contagious passivity
- by: PoisonIvy - I found my ex's lack of energy and low moods to be among the hardest things for me to deal with. I often felt as though I should be maintaining the family's emotional thermostat: that is, to stay on an even keel. Like my ex, I've had depression, anxiety, or both for much of my life; unlike him, I decided the effect on our children might be irreparable if they experienced having two sad parents. I don't think that people who are depressed or anxious or who have ADHD necessarily want their moods and...>>> on Forum topic - Contagious passivity
- by: Elliej - Wow! I had been with my husband for 18years. For various reasons i decided we needed to separate. Your comment about not trying hard enough hit home. I felt he never fought for our marriage. He says he did as he "made himself available to talk through our issues". I say thats the bare minimum following his destructive behaviour. I on the other hand forgave, supported him through getting fired etc etc. Was on a years worth of counselling. And loads more. He never even started fighing....despite saying he...>>> on Forum topic - Blessing in disguise
- by: 1Melody1 - Sorry to hear about what you're experiencing. If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to trust yourself. You know what you're seeing (the issues aren't in your head) so trust your own experience. If you have a hard time hanging on to this, I would recommend individual therapy... a therapist just for you can help you make sense of things when a partner is manipulating your or even unintentionally minimizing your experience in the relationship. You can probably also tell from your couples therapy...>>> on Forum topic - Tired and lost
- by: 1Melody1 - My ADHD ex and I moved once together and I did it all. When we separated and sold our family home of almost 2 decades, it was the same. No amount of asking, setting time aside, breaking down the tasks and explaining the hours required, etc. would change the fact that he just wasn't going to do it. Total futility. At least when we were separating I had the fact that this was the LAST time I would have to do it all in my mind to get me through. I do believe he would have pitched in at the very last moment...>>> on Forum topic - Moving with ADHD
- by: PoisonIvy - I'm sorry you're having to endure this. Seven years ago today, my divorce was finalized. The marriage lasted 31 years. My ex has ADHD. I work full time and every weekend I spend most of one day at the home of my very elderly mother. I now am sole owner and inhabitant of the house ex and I lived in for most of our marriage. The house is relatively neat and clean and I've gotten rid of a lot of things over the years. My ex lives in the house he grew up in and where he returned, to live with and take care...>>> on Forum topic - Moving with ADHD
- by: ebecoat01 - This is my third time moving to a new location. Each time I have moved a plan was drafted of how the move was supposed to go. It never fails, each I move I am the only one stuck moving all the boxes, all the furniture, etc. while my wife does absolutely nothing. Well, she might have packed a box or two but in her mind I believe she thinks shes doing something. Each time I approached her about this there is a big argument. I go to work, utilize my time wisely and get things done. Her; sleeps half the day...>>> on Forum topic - Moving with ADHD
- by: Quercus McGurkus - Ms Honeybee13, Thanks for your response. It sounds like you and your husband have a similar dynamic to my wife and I. I too have, and still do, a filter through which I hear my wife and innocuous comments come across as attacks which I then counter. For me it is rooted in shame and guilt from my past. My therapist and counselor are both helping me get past that. Maybe your husband has issues from the past that are influencing the present reactions? No excuse but maybe something to gently explore. I...>>> on Forum topic - Looking for some hope - really need advice
- by: Honeybee13 - Thank you so much for taking the time to respond (I didn't catch your first post before you edited it but it doesn't matter) and I really appreciate having the perspective from the other side of the relationship. There are definitely similarities between yourself and my husband in terms of your history - he stopped school at 15, had always felt stupid in class, addictions, wreckless driving, hallucinations too and setting his car on fire (marijuana addiction - made him paranoid and even got him...>>> on Forum topic - Looking for some hope - really need advice
- by: Jinsai - I just want to say, the issues are not in your head. They are a result of his unmanaged ADHD. If he insists on blame-shifting, know that that's what he's doing: blame-shifting. You can't do a thing about his symptoms. Only he can. I feel for you, and am in a very similar situation, and hope you find a solution sooner than later. Hugs.>>> on Forum topic - Tired and lost
- by: Quercus McGurkus - Ms Honeybee13, I posted earlier, maybe overthought it, and deleted it. I got an email regarding the post and thought again so I'd like to paraphrase what I wrote and maybe sharpen it. First, I'm terribly sorry to hear what you are dealing with. It's isolating, frustrating, and frightening. I think it's normal for you to feel all those emotions, among others. I'm the ADHD husband and what you wrote are things my wife has said to me as well. I'm also bi-polar and the two combined has caused my wife...>>> on Forum topic - Looking for some hope - really need advice
- by: AdeleS6845 - I've been with my ADHD fiance for 7 years. We do not live together. I was 50 when I met him and he was 48. He told me in the beginning about his ADHD. I had no idea what that would mean for our relationship. I had never dated a person with ADHD. I did not know whether some of his behavior was just annoying or him being selfish. I had ended a 20-year marriage with an abusive man and was looking for red flags. I found myself Googling ADHD and ended up coming to Melissa's website. Here I found a lot of...>>> on Forum topic - Can this ever be good?
- by: MelissaOrlov - Some questions: What percentage of your practice is with adults with ADHD? How long have you been working with couples impacted by ADHD? Or...I am setting up a consulting team with whom I will work directly. We will meet weekly as a team to discuss specific cases and for additional in-depth professional training around ADHD and couples. You could look into whether one of those consultants would be a good fit. I will be posting the information on this new group by June of '23.>>> on Forum topic - How to confront my husband about his ADHD symptoms?