Recent Comments

  • by: Will It Get Better - 9 hours 3 min ago
    Did you note any dramatic differences in perceptions of your shared reality?
    >>> on Forum topic - She FINALLY completed the evaluation paperwork!

  • by: TiredMomma - 12 hours 9 min ago
    Thanks Adele! I needed to hear this today. A big virtual hug right back at ya!
    >>> on Forum topic - HUGS ** <3

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 15 hours 22 min ago
    I appreciate your description: "People with ADHD are drowning in their own minds, in a stormy sea of conflicting thoughts and feelings. Imagine trying to maintain relationships in that state, when you're exhausted merely from keeping your head above water."   You are right in that "they need compassion from their loved ones.".    We ALL need compassion from our loved ones.  C ur self had many good questions.  What about the spouses/partners who give and give and give and are now spent emotionally? ...
    >>> on Forum topic - Does your adhd person dismiss... just about everything?

  • by: bowlofpetunias - 18 hours 26 min ago
    My wife  is much more likely to dismiss things from me. She later tells me this great thing that a friend told her to do--which is the same thing she dismissed when I said it.  It is very painful and frustrating when this happens.  It feels personal--the idea is only wrong because it comes from me, so I must be stupid.  My wife then tells me how smart she knows I am.  I don't want to be told I am smart.  I want to be treated like I am intelligent.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Does your adhd person dismiss... just about everything?

  • by: ADDCaliwife - 4 days 4 hours ago
    "people with ADHD (myself included) take criticism incredibly harshly, and respond very, very well to positive reinforcement and rewards. People don't see the battle that's going on in our heads, where even when we want to do something, we can't will our bodies into doing it. A lot of our lashing out comes from projecting our own insecurities and self-criticism. If anything we do right is celebrated with fanfare...we might even remember to do it again. thank you for this. I have seen this with husband and...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: c ur self - 4 days 15 hours ago
    (Yes this is true, relationships die if they're not constantly nurtured. However, knowing this by itself isn't enough to change the behavior of someone with ADHD, because the problem isn't a lack of understanding, it's a neurological failure of executive function. It looks like a lack of effort to observers,) A few questions for you...Do you see your spouse and children as just observers? Do you think because someone has neurological issues, that they shouldn't have to be accountable for their words, and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Does your adhd person dismiss... just about everything?

  • by: Addlerextreme - 5 days 5 hours ago
    Yes this is true, relationships die if they're not constantly nurtured. However, knowing this by itself isn't enough to change the behavior of someone with ADHD, because the problem isn't a lack of understanding, it's a neurological failure of executive function. It looks like a lack of effort to observers, or making poor choices, but perhaps if they could experience what was going on inside they might see it differently. What I have learned through both having undiagnosed ADHD for 38 years, and seeing the...
    >>> on Forum topic - Does your adhd person dismiss... just about everything?

  • by: kal11 - 6 days 5 hours ago
    Thank you this gave me a lot of clarity. I think in some ways I am already doing this but not realizing it. I keep our finances separate and I've started to stop putting myself in situations that make me uncomfortable because I am unsure how my spouse is going to act. I hang out with my friends without my husband, do vacations with my family and friends and it takes a lot of stress off. I also have started to worry less about his actions when he is only impacting himself and only worry about those that...
    >>> on Forum topic - Young kids and a husband in denial

  • by: c ur self - 6 days 13 hours ago
    I have been there, and can possibly save you a little frustration, if you can grasp his reality, and accept it... (One that may be miles from your own)....That denial isn't as much denial as it is, priorities and choices....See you and I attempt to think for our spouses (Our thinking, our love, and our desire to think well of them, causes that)...We say to ourselves surely he/she don't mean to behave, ignore, act out, etc, like he is doing? We start off wrong right out of the blocks...Everything they drop...
    >>> on Forum topic - Young kids and a husband in denial

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 6 days 14 hours ago
    I agree with c ur self.  You cannot reason with someone who cannot be reasoned with.  Whether he is medicated or not, abuse is abuse.  You are hurt, understandably so.  At first it feels like being punched in the stomach, like the wind has been knocked out of you. You can't believe that the person who claims to love you would say such hurtful things. I know this feeling.  The only thing that you can do is set boundaries.  When he verbally abuses you, do not react, calmly walk away.  Do Not Engage.  If...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: c ur self - 6 days 19 hours ago
    If this was facebook...I would put a heart on your post..:) c
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: adhd32 - 6 days 19 hours ago
    Part of the adult ADHD learning problem is that once some progress is made, the ADHD person slacks off and checks the box never accepting that certain behaviors need to be repeated regularly, usually more than once or twice. Or, sometimes things take longer and require a great deal more effort and skill than initially thought. Once the reality sets in, nothing moves forward.  For example: friendships fall by the wayside because they need to be tended to on a personal level and require giving of yourself...
    >>> on Forum topic - Does your adhd person dismiss... just about everything?

  • by: c ur self - 6 days 19 hours ago
    How many times have you engaged his rage, or attempted to explain what is right for you, all the while his hyper focus on his thinking, wouldn't allow him to hear you?? So he keeps pressing you into a corner, (control or manipulate you) about something that's not right for you? What usually happen's out of our ability to have (and desire) an understanding conversation, go back and forth and respect others, is we end up at the end of the day apologizing to them, for something that never had a chance of...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: Addlerextreme - 6 days 19 hours ago
    That's definitely too low. 30mg Vyvanse is equivalent to about 14mg Adderall XR (extended release). If 40mg Adderall is effective for him, 30mg Vyvanse would be like having a glass of juice for breakfast and then being hungry an hour later. If he needs many high doses, he might have a high metabolism like me, but a specialist will understand this and dose correctly. You mustn't see this as an addiction, because it's a real medical condition. If he's anything like me, he's probably been struggling his whole...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: Addlerextreme - 6 days 19 hours ago
    I signed up to this site just to reply to your comment. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it must be hell. Your husband is being abusive, and that's not okay. As someone with ADHD, I can assure you your husband is going through hell as well. Respect your boundaries, though, and remember you have a right to leave to protect yourself physically or emotionally. Assuming you're not ready to leave him yet, here's what I think is the problem: Your husband's dosage is way too low. His doctor is possibly...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: adhd32 - 6 days 20 hours ago
    I drew the line in the line in the sand too. H will challenge, and try to step over it but I hold my ground.  He knows now that I will not stand and listen to his hateful accounting of me or others. I walk away.  It has taken several years to get here.  H knows it can be permanent if he disrespects my boundaries and tries to carry on  the vitriol or follows me around trying to "get through"to me.  Trying to defend yourself takes your power away.  Walking away sends a clear message that you are in control...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: ADDCaliwife - 1 week 4 hours ago
    Thank you so much for replying C! It was really helpful reading your response. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this as well in your own marriage.   "that's unacceptable, you will respect me or you will never see me again) them walk away.....You must force accountability on him!" is advice I need to take. when he starts spewing the hate, I will defend myself and try to explain and reason, but that has proven to get me nowhere and only adds fuel to the fire. I just need to be brave enough to try it. Well...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: ADDCaliwife - 1 week 4 hours ago
    Thank you so much. This is extremely helpful and I was incredibly touched that you signed up just so you could reply.  I think it's a very interesting theory that the Vyvance dose is potentially too low - 30mg is very small. But he also takes 40mg of Adderall in the second half of day, plus extra when he stays up all night to work, which is a very regular occurrence. So do you think that still could potentially mean the Vyvance dose is too low when he's taking much more on the back end? An ADHD specialist...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: c ur self - 1 week 4 hours ago
    No mount of medicine or lack of, can change a heart....You are being abused by someone who only cares for them self....It's typical behavior for many add minds...(Self absorbed).....An adult knows when they are attempting to control someone else....They know when they are speaking uncaring words...They know when they are using others for their own benefit, regardless of the impact on others....That is why 95% or more, of every person on this site understands the behaviors you are speaking about..... Set...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think husband has addiction to Adderall and Vyvance

  • by: Addlerextreme - 1 week 6 hours ago
    IMO, it's yes to all of those things. His ADHD prevents him from learning how to be an adult. That needs to be treated effectively first, and only once it is, can these other things be addressed. They need to be learned for the first time.  What's more, even after the correct dosage for treatment is found, they've learned how to be more responsible, and a year has passed with no problems, if you take the treatment away everything will be forgotten, and it will be as if the year never happened.  The ADHD...
    >>> on Forum topic - Does your adhd person dismiss... just about everything?

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