Recent Comments

  • by: Delphine - 1 hour 1 min ago
    From an Aikido practitioner who teaches conflict resolution using its principles: http://www.judyringer.com/perch/resources/hidden-gifts-1.pdf The Way of Harmony: Life Applications In life, the Aikido metaphor is realized when you transform challenges into opportunities and adapt to new circumstances with ease, moving with life’s flow, instead of struggling against it. You are practicing Aikido whenever you listen with curiosity to an opposing view or search for mutual understanding, respect, and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: Delphine - 1 hour 20 min ago
    After ADHD ex and I split, we did agree to share custody.  Son's stepmother was pretty conscientious.  Anyway, she had several boys in the years after she married my ex, so son had brothers which has been great for him of course. I was definitely not up for that, plus was sans partner. I would think that a new partner would be in the picture with most split-ups.  It just seems to me that people are overthinking this here.  We need to let go and trust more.  I know I do. Delphine
    >>> on Forum topic - Would You Have Gotten Married IF....?

  • by: JJamieson - 3 hours 16 min ago
    I'm basically saying the same thing to you as Zapp and NowOrNever said but in my own words. We could tell you exactly what we see and it might even be right....but until you can see it yourself (and Liz ) together at the same time....it won;t do you much good.  It might help a little with a particular issue....but it's not going to solve the overall problem for the one reason you aren't going to be able to see it.  You're too deep inside of it and trying to see it from the inside out. The only way you're...
    >>> on Forum topic - Loop 'Da' Loop ?

  • by: Zapp10 - 4 hours 21 min ago
    it can happen in less than a year.
    >>> on Forum topic - How Fast Can an ADHD Relationship Falter?

  • by: Zapp10 - 4 hours 32 min ago
    I have read both your posted journeys.....so similar to ours...and interestingly we are at another "impasse" ourselves that has no definition. We are both weary from this. We talked just yesterday...made headway.....slid back.....headway....back....WTH? I am not speaking just for myself here. My spouse is just as much .....discombobulated? I have spent last night and this morning pondering the WTH why can't we move forward.....together? Here's a brief thought on my view that I am thinking may be part or...
    >>> on Forum topic - Loop 'Da' Loop ?

  • by: NowOrNever - 5 hours 14 min ago
    Online impartial observation of someone else's offline life is procedurally impossible ADh9er,   I suggest that if there were to be a third person involved in the healing of a relationship problem, the best third person for participating in that is offline, is examined and found acceptable to both of you, and is able to be physically present with the two of you...simultaneously.   Now
    >>> on Forum topic - Loop 'Da' Loop ?

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 11 hours 37 min ago
    What would the situation be if you did split?  THINK LONG AND HARD.....   If you were to split, would he demand equal custody so he wouldn't have to pay much/any child support?  If so, that would just mean that your kids would be under the frequent care of someone who wasn't watching out for them.  TROUBLE.  And you'd be losing his income.   Believe me....many neglectful dads insist on shared custody so that they don't have to pay much or anything in child support.   My H did do a lot with our kids...
    >>> on Forum topic - Would You Have Gotten Married IF....?

  • by: LyraHeartstrings - 16 hours 6 min ago
    Well my sister was a single mom for almost 20 years but lived with me and my mom and had us taking care of her. My mom worked, my sister didn't. My sis got welfare and then went out and had another baby when the welfare was almost up. She sapped the life out of us. I worked but she didn't, and I am 2.5 years younger than her. The whole apartment was kids crap and toys and she ran the place. So I can't say it was all that hard for her being a single mother since we were doing most of the work. Her second...
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?

  • by: StacyG - 17 hours 25 min ago
    Oh Linda, I feel your pain, I really do.  I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but what do I say when I can't even seem to help myself to not feel so overwhelmed and exhausted?  Maybe this will make you laugh--P came home late from work tonight.  I worked a full and part time job, went grocery shopping, dropped my youngest off at karate, and was cleaning the house in preparation for dinner guests tomorrow.  He walked in the door, said hello as I breezed past him with my arms full, and he...
    >>> on Forum topic - Overwhelmed by taking care of everything, and ADHD spouse cold as ice

  • by: JJamieson - 19 hours 50 min ago
    I'm speaking to Non and Delphine too.  I just read through the Aidedo information and watched the video.  Very cool stuff.  I took Karate years ago and I loved the stories and the philosophy that we learned.  It really shares the same common philosophy and mind set.  I can say that in some ways even years later....I've absorbed some of it enough to have it planted in there somewhere.  At the time....we were doing only no contact dance or kata's and I still remember a couple.  I even took Ballet one term in...
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: NowOrNever - 21 hours 54 min ago
      Here's the aikido real deal, in this Youtube.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YziUvBqX-zI Aikido is a martial art, a very specific way of combat if one is targeted by intent to harm.  The sensei being attacked is meeting force with counterforce, although as you can see, he's not striking back. There are a lot of approaches to contributing to peace.   That there are, and are not reducible to each other, is, I think a blessing, because it means that we have multiple possible ways to take action for...
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: dedelight4 - 22 hours 11 min ago
    J,   all I can say is WOW. Love this.  You have a great therapist, thAt actually gives you amazing feedback. Thank you for learning and then sharing it with us. .........wow.
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: Gregor - 22 hours 58 min ago
    Thanks for speaking sense here. There were way too many rampant generalizations in that to not be answered by some sort of moderation and clear thought. That said multiple books could easily be written on the effects of porn on marriages and why those effects occur. But because the author had a bad porn experience doesn't extrapolate to all porn is bad. The biggest problems humans have in a social context (which marriage is) is living by artificial rules which others have made which a person believes they...
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Reasons Porn Hurts

  • by: Delphine - 23 hours 42 min ago
    ...but you aren't sorry you had them, right? It will all get easier as they grow. btw, i'm not an advocate of staying with someone who is not willing to adapt to the realities of relationship and parenting.  My son's dad and I split...although it was actually his choice.  I was shocked at the time, but I see now he was doing me a favor.  Delphine
    >>> on Forum topic - Would You Have Gotten Married IF....?

  • by: Delphine - 1 day 36 min ago
    Don't even bother, J.  This guy is just clueless and as you say, not making any sense. Delphine
    >>> on Forum topic - Would You Have Gotten Married IF....?

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 58 min ago
    I just wanted to reiterate something here.  If you are in a no win situation or "Kobayashi Maru".....the only choice you have is: not to panic, keep a cool head, and to think your way out of it and talk yourself down to do this....so you can look for a different solution....to solve the same problem and approach it from a different way.   Especially....if the person you are talking to...does not have the same ability you do and can only see things from ONE way only.  You aren't going to talk that other...
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 1 hour ago
    So Delphine.  In the situation I have with my wife.  What happens is very much like what happened in my example of my interaction with this evangelical man who wouldn't leave me alone after I ask him to leave me alone.  This is a Catch 22 situation...or....Kobayshi Maru situation ( for all you Star Trek fans. What is this guy going to do differently?  Nothing. That's the answer.  That puts the ball in my court and I have to decide what to do?  I could leave and walk away.....and that's one choice. Or I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: Delphine - 1 day 1 hour ago
    J...saying "you're absolutely right" is absolutely NOT about agreeing with them! Not "giving in"  but giving UP (letting go of) ANY need to engage, and thus defusing the situation.  It worked like a charm when I used it on my previous roommate that I shared about.  As I said, the expression on her face was priceless! NowOrNever also thought that "Really?"  was a request for explanation.  No!  Again...stepping back from engaging.  Noncommital, nonconfrontational.   It literally disarms the gaslighting or...
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: dedelight4 - 1 day 2 hours ago
    I can't believe how well you described what also goes on between my husband and myself, except the roles of ADHD are reversed in our case. My H will also take the opposing side of almost every statement I make,especially if there is ANY emotional aspect to it.      He can throw a bucket of ice water on any "happy" or upbeat conversation, and at the dinner table, can leave me feeling "gobsmacked" in the face with a single comment, which is usually adversarial in nature, which to me "feels" hostile and like...
    >>> on Forum topic - Mansplaining

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 3 hours ago
      I don't understand?   It sounds like you are trying to say something but it is very unclear what it is? Could you be more specific so that I can better understand?  It sounded like... you just excused yourself up front for making an offensive personal opinion about Delphine and her family but you didn't say what that was or what you were referring to?  Like... "I was just kidding"....after someone makes a disrespectful jab at someone in an attempt to minimize it or make it sound like it wasn't...
    >>> on Forum topic - Would You Have Gotten Married IF....?

Pages