Recent Comments

  • by: Dagmar - 15 hours 22 min ago
    The thing to understand is that it's not going to change.   It will get better, but dumb stuff will still happen.   However, if your spouse is like mine, taking steps to leave will cause her to go into hyperfocus on you again and things will improve for a while.   I'm not really recommending you attempt to leave as a manipulation tactic, it's just what happens.   You just have to sort out what is the ADHD and what is actual bad behavior on her part.   We just went through this in marriage counseling this...
    >>> on Forum topic - Looking for a success story

  • by: J.W. - 1 day 11 hours ago
    I read this and it really hit home.  Feeling the same way, and now the isolation has become yet another barrier.  It is such a lonely road.  I wish you happiness.
    >>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless

  • by: Nita Nagdwate - 1 day 22 hours ago
    This is so real " fixing an adhd person and expecting them to be an equal, loving and joyful partner is impossible."
    >>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless

  • by: curran - 1 day 22 hours ago
    This thread is a good find. This idea of "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" is quite interesting. I wonder if I have this... Some interesting reads on the subject: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oppositional_defiant_disorder https://www.additudemag.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-in-adults/
    >>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless

  • by: Nita Nagdwate - 1 day 23 hours ago
    Same here we are at square one.
    >>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless

  • by: 1Melody1 - 2 days 17 min ago
    As I read this, I found myself nodding along to your list of common behaviours. Very real observations that apply to many of us from someone who has really been in the trenches.
    >>> on Forum topic - Open letter about what I've Experienced, learned, and heard....

  • by: 1Melody1 - 2 days 19 min ago
    I stayed in my relationship over 20 years and just recently left. Don't be me... leave sooner. Live your life and be happy. I don't say it flippantly... I just got to the point where I could see that no matter what I did or said or felt, he was going to act the exact same towards me for the rest of our lives together. I was going to suffer and he was never going to care. That sounds pretty similar to your situation. I was merely an enabler for his life and he couldn't see that. And people can't change what...
    >>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 3 hours ago
    Hello struggling here, Your story is very common here, it is perfectly understood, (crystal clear) because a high percentage of us live with, or have lived with his clone (male and female)....Sickandtired gave you awesome advice...You should think enough about yourself to heed it.... Never allow any mistakes you've made, or are currently making, guilt you into a life time of suffering and abuse in a relationship that will always be toxic, because of a self centered mind that will never have a healthy ...
    >>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless

  • by: sickandtired - 2 days 4 hours ago
    Hi, you need to ask yourself why you allow anyone to treat you so poorly. Your clinical training may make you feel that you can help him, but one’s mate CANNOT be one’s therapist as well. He needs to seek out professional help, rather than rely on you for everything, and then resent you and blame you perpetually. Most people who put up with constant abuse from their adhd mate have suffered abuse or neglect in the past themselves, and they have no concept of what a normal healthy relationship should look...
    >>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless

  • by: livin - 2 days 6 hours ago
    Well said.  Thank you C for sharing,  so many of us are walking down the same path.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Open letter about what I've Experienced, learned, and heard....

  • by: RubyVanbrunt - 2 days 10 hours ago
    I give you a virtual hug! You just have to know that this period will end and after it, it will be better and easier. If your wife cannot forgive you for some mistakes, then let her leave. If you try to keep her, then the marriage can turn into torment for each of you. Just remember this lesson in life, learn from your mistakes, and do not repeat them in the future. I went through a similar experience two years ago. Only I was in your wife's shoes. There are things that cannot be forgotten even though you...
    >>> on Forum topic - Did your ADHD cause your divorce?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 2 days 21 hours ago
    The destructive part of loneliness isn't being alone, it's daily being in the....e presence of someone only capable of self love... Amen, C. Been there, done that.   ( Hugs. )  
    >>> on Forum topic - Open letter about what I've Experienced, learned, and heard....

  • by: c ur self - 3 days 3 hours ago
    My whole effort with this letter is about bringing light to the reality of life styles, that are destructive when marital living is attempted....If you (any of us that have been subjected to this behavior any length of time) were able to turn yourself into the fly on the wall, and re-read your post (look at your reality) without emotion or prejudice, you would see that you are scarred...We all are....That's my point! We have to get up one day and decide life (OUR LIFE) is such a blessing and gift, that we...
    >>> on Forum topic - Open letter about what I've Experienced, learned, and heard....

  • by: I’ve had enough - 3 days 14 hours ago
    C, this a perfect explanation. I have been following this website for a few years and just recently registered. No one that I know understands what I deal with every day. I am a non-ADHD spouse married for almost 40 years to a severely impaired ADHD husband. I spent decades trying to figure out what was wrong. When I read a book on ADHD marriage, it was like reading about my own marriage. I told my husband about it and that I think he has ADHD and that it has caused problems between us and he had an angry...
    >>> on Forum topic - Open letter about what I've Experienced, learned, and heard....

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 days 14 hours ago
    Your post really resonated with me, tired. I did so much "if this-ing." I'm so sorry you miss your kids and grandkids. I'm so sorry you worked so hard to make things nice without acknowledgement or help. I know how it feels to pour everything in even when there's nothing left to give.  To the OP, adhd32 and tired are right. I spent a long time trying to gently break through to my husband to no avail. There was no approach gentle enough not to elicit that defensive response. When I decided I had nothing to...
    >>> on Forum topic - I suspect my partner has ADHD, how to speak to him about it?

  • by: tiredofbeinghis... - 4 days 23 hours ago
    I have spent 30 years thinking, "if this happens, it will get better", "if that happens, it will get better". It never gets better. Trust me. I have been telling my spouse how lonely I am locked in the house with him for months while in COVID hell. I was in tears yesterday because I miss my kids and grandkids so much and he just stared at me and then started playing with his phone. Despite that, I tried to make it a nice day. I spent hours cooking an amazing Easter dinner. He sat in his man-cave watching...
    >>> on Forum topic - I suspect my partner has ADHD, how to speak to him about it?

  • by: adhd32 - 5 days 6 hours ago
    You cannot fix this. You can try and have a grownup discussion.  Even with examples to support your suspicion of ADHD he will deny and justify his behavior. I have no advice other than accepting this life for as long as you decide you can stand it.  He will most likely not be open to discussion or change. The biggest thing you must accept, if you stay, is that what you had in the beginning was hyperfocus and that phase is done and gone. What you see in your partner now IS who he is, not the hyperfocus guy...
    >>> on Forum topic - I suspect my partner has ADHD, how to speak to him about it?

  • by: c ur self - 1 week 2 hours ago
    Most of us I read about here, who have worn ourselves out, and carry the deep scars from TRYING...Have to find a less burdensome road in life, than the one that links us verbally, emotionally, or mentally to a mind that has little or no ability to hear or care...For me it has to be acceptance of what I do not like, and acceptance of the reality of what is....The analogy I draw in my mind, concerning this relationship dysfunction we're discussing is....We are drowning men/women who are only 10 foot off...
    >>> on Forum topic - Morning anger

  • by: adhd32 - 1 week 6 hours ago
    You just might find, you get what you need. And it seems for me, that is separated. I'm tired of being the only one still trying.  I'm tired of dealing with issues head on while H buries his head in the sand.  I'm tired of accepting the childish behaviors and always settling for less, or worse, nothing at all.  I'm tired of listening to empty promises and excuses.  I'm tired of keeping all the balls in the air.  I'm just tired of it all. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Morning anger

  • by: jaime - 1 week 22 hours ago
    I'm so sorry to hear your pain and I really understand in so many ways, yet another massive outburst today and I have kids too, I just end up angry and in tears and then upset that he doesn't even care I'm crying and upset. He's made so many empty promises over 23 years abs never keeps any and then keeps saying I don't get it- why you are upset I am trying when he is doing nothing. I don't know what to do. Is it better to just cut him out totally and not expect anything and just do it all. I am just fed up...
    >>> on Forum topic - I am DONE and it is hard

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