Recent Comments

  • by: PoisonIvy - 1 day 4 hours ago
    Great comments, adhd32. I agree.
    >>> on Forum topic - Overall, Is It Worth It?

  • by: adhd32 - 1 day 10 hours ago
    Is it worth the work?  Only you can answer that. Just know that today the issue is over dirty dishes and unswept floors and 5 years from now it could be that he forgot your kid at day care, or he didn't pay the car insurance because he spent the money on BS things and you are unknowingly driving without it, or he forgot to mention the tickets he hid and you found out about them at the airport rental counter when he couldn't rent a car. These are general examples since I don't know you but real things that...
    >>> on Forum topic - Overall, Is It Worth It?

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 20 hours ago
    I usually can reply...but I have started and deleted it several times....My heart hurts for you!...I'm going to pray for you...What I would like to say to you is what I have had to keep saying to myself, (in order to find healing from the mental and emotional damage) for the last 6 years...*** I can NEVER trust my spouse to be a responsible party in the marriage, in any kind of consistent manner.*** What does that mean for me? It means I have to disassociate in most areas of life, especially those where I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Indifference...

  • by: Will It Get Better - 2 days 22 hours ago
    As the non-ADHD spouse I have taken Melissa's course alongside my ADHD wife.  She got overwhelmed after the first five or six weeks and just shutdown.  The course and Melissa are excellent and can be extremely helpful.  I would suggest purchasing and completely reading the book before the class begins so all of the concepts and techniques discussed are not completely new to you.  The pace is very fast and you need to select the techniques that best suit your and your spouse's conditions.  You'll need to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Indifference...

  • by: hb - 2 days 22 hours ago
    "Even if the ADHDer acknowledges they have a medical condition that scrambles their 'executive functions' and earnestly intend to manage their symptoms for the benefit of themselves and others, they need to rely on their scrambled 'executive functions' to make and continue progress.  This 'Catch-22' is at the heart of the despair." YES. That's exactly it. My husband has been medicated for maybe the last 7 months of our 17 year marriage, and he's reading about ADHD, and trying, but I don't trust him to keep...
    >>> on Forum topic - Indifference...

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 days 9 hours ago
    Hi MXJ. I can only speak for myself. I did not know going in that my partner had ADHD. We were in love and both happy. However, 17 years married and I can say that if I had known then how my life as his wife would turn out, I would not have married him. I want out, out, out of this. However, my situation is different as my husband refuses to acknowledge that he has ADHD or that his symptoms/behaviors have any impact on our relationship/household/lives/child. In your case, you know about the ADHD going in...
    >>> on Forum topic - Overall, Is It Worth It?

  • by: Sollertiae - 3 days 17 hours ago
    I entered into my relationship three years ago knowing my partner had untreated ADHD. He cannot afford to seek treatment, and has spent most of his adult life struggling with his symptoms and finding a way to live that he enjoys and is able to maintain - read that as he is often broke, can't sustain employment that he has no interest in and is very tired. I read a lot, I thought a lot, I observed him a lot (and listened when he trusted me enough to talk) and worked out how he communicates intimately, and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Overall, Is It Worth It?

  • by: Sollertiae - 3 days 19 hours ago
    Can you give a bit more of an idea of his sleep patterns? Is he waking up a lot throughout the night, or simply finding it hard to initiate sleep in the first place? C is right about the lack of stimulation in the morning, but to me it also sounds like the agitation, frustration and anger in the morning is due to exhaustion from the lack of sleep and frustrated by it (lack of sleep in ADHD maximizes symptoms). This might mean the sleep issues are worse than they seem from a distance. Outside of that...
    >>> on Forum topic - morning rage

  • by: Will It Get Better - 3 days 22 hours ago
    You know ADHD is an issue and have time to research the various possible symptoms and comorbidities.  Keep researching very deeply.  Your life can quickly morph into a science experiment that you have no control over.  Day after day, excuse after excuse.  It does not stop.  There might be hope that under prime circumstances ADHD symptoms can be mitigated.  But they won't go away.  Ever.  You know in advance which is more than most on this site can say.  Good luck.
    >>> on Forum topic - Overall, Is It Worth It?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 3 days 23 hours ago
    The reason for so much frustration on this website is because those who post here are with someone with untreated / undertreated ADHD, and their spouse/partner is in denial or unwilling to change. . I realize that there are varying degrees of ADHD and perhaps my fiance is not at the severe end of the scale. He has always been steadily employed. He worked with a cognitive behavioral therapist before we met, and it made a huge difference in his life. As long as he sticks to his routines he is very organized...
    >>> on Forum topic - Overall, Is It Worth It?

  • by: c ur self - 4 days 2 hours ago
    I'm a retired health care Facility Manager/Life Safety Coordinator...I worked hard, and was raised to think and be organized....I too love my wife of 11 years (first wife passed away at age 49 w/ cancer after 30 years of marriage)...I did not have the luxury of having the information you have here, about this mind type....(I honestly did not know people lived this way) ...So I have put up with the messiness, the hoarding, the unconcern...My wife was very attentive when we dated, and in the first year or so...
    >>> on Forum topic - Overall, Is It Worth It?

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 days 7 hours ago
    I know you probably see the best in your fiancee. He may be a good person with good intentions, but the bottom line is that he is not pulling his own weight in the relationship financially. If possible, what about telling him the wedding is on hold until he gets a job and gets his spending under control, too?  It sounds like you live together... if so and if possible, maybe you could also move out so that he has to be responsible for his own bills (or the consequence of not paying them).  It hurts to hear...
    >>> on Forum topic - Money Problems

  • by: c ur self - 4 days 8 hours ago
    (I love him so much but I am beyond heartbroken)  You've made a bad choice!...You are in love with an irresponsible and thoughtless human....WE ARE ALWAYS OUR ACTIONS! And besides...If you had good girl friend, who confided in you, this story that is your life.....(Saw her insecurites was causing her to be abused by a lazy and inconsidrate man)...What would you tell her?? Life is to short to be used, and to associate, with thoughtless lazy excuse makers?? It's up to you, the ladies that replied to your...
    >>> on Forum topic - Money Problems

  • by: c ur self - 4 days 9 hours ago
    Your husband sounds like he is unfulfilled....That (like my wife's) probably came about from his own choosing, and choices ....But none the less the misery still exists....And misery loves company, even if they have to force it.... There is just so much about add/adhd, along w/ other brain issues, that lends itself to this type behavior...But the biggest problem is and always will be **A person's refusal to recognize it, and not excuse it**...So that is way boundaries exist, to protect one person, from...
    >>> on Forum topic - morning rage

  • by: adhd32 - 4 days 10 hours ago
    If you want something different, you have to do something different.  I suggest you start with "no'.  No, I won't fix your car, you received insurance money for that.  No, I won't support a grown ass man who wastes money on childish things.  No, I will not give you money, go out and get a job.  No, you cannot live here unless you contribute, maybe not 50/50 but something to the household.  He has shown you who he is.  Do not expect, as you did when he got his insurance settlement, that he is part of your...
    >>> on Forum topic - Money Problems

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 4 days 12 hours ago
    STOP ENABLING HIM. As long as he knows you will be there to bail him out, he doesn't have the incentive to do better.  He has no accountability.  The current arrangement is working for him, so why should he change?  If you keep going as you have, you will end up broke, burned out and resentful of him. If you get married and have children, you will be doing all the work, plus have a child to take care of...and what if that child has ADHD? Separate bank accounts are a good idea, so that he does not have...
    >>> on Forum topic - Money Problems

  • by: RalphMarx - 4 days 13 hours ago
    Understand what you are going through....my wife is also in her 60's and has untreated ADD. As I understand from reading and observing (though not an expert); this lack of dopamine in their brains is a driving force for some form of stimulation especially in the mornings. Picking a fight to create angry outbursts is a surefire boost for getting everyone's adrenaline pumping. I do everything that I can to avoid my wife in the morning especially in a confined space of a kitchen where I become the sole focus...
    >>> on Forum topic - morning rage

  • by: Mrs. Introvert - 4 days 21 hours ago
    I know it has been a while since you made your post, but I have been searching for something, anything, anybody to "get" what I am going through.  My husband is an overall good guy.  He is kind, compassionate, has great morals, has great ethics, has a great heart, and is a friendly person.  The issue, though, is that he talks way too much.  I don't think while he is awake, he ever really stops talking.  He cannot read body language, so he has no clue when people are trying to ignore him or giving other...
    >>> on Forum topic - Talking too much and oversharing

  • by: Completely rung out - 1 week 3 hours ago
    Does your state have stalker laws? Document all of these instances (screen shots, diary, backup from friend) and keep documenting for as long as it takes. And don't stop calling the police...just keep making complaints with the new instances. I hope it works.
    >>> on Forum topic - Seeking attention???

  • by: sickandtired - 1 week 12 hours ago
    I blocked his Facebook profile, phone number and email long ago.  He will borrow someone else’s cell phone and try to call me, so I don’t answer unknown numbers any more.  He just keeps making up new Facebook profiles and new email addresses to get past my blocking.  I set my Facebook privacy settings to friends only.  So he took a mutual real life friend’s Facebook profile, copied a lot of photos from it, created a whole new fake profile, and friend requested me and several of my real life friends. I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Seeking attention???

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