Recent Comments

  • by: Will It Get Better - 8 hours 49 min ago
    Your ADHD spouse probably fails to 'stick to a list' or any other agreement you may make with him.  Improvements to these symptoms can be made if the ADHDer stays focused on improving.  However they have ADHD which makes it unlikely.  It is a classic 'Catch-22' (which is of little solace).  You can not make him change no matter how much you love him.
    >>> on Forum topic - Question for non-ADHD spouses

  • by: FeelingIt - 15 hours 9 min ago
    I am 100% new to this forum, so maybe I will change my mind later - but it seems to me as if learning to use and rely on a list, would go a long ways. I am not sure that "sticking to a list is hard for ADHD" as an excuse is going to keep me married for much longer. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Question for non-ADHD spouses

  • by: c ur self - 16 hours 42 min ago
    These sweet ladies have spoken a lot of truth to you about what you are experiencing....The reason you are battling, is there is no acceptance by either of you....Many people's lives (living of life) aren't cut out for sharing as one....She is pushing for her view as well as you at times.....When you come along side someone in a relationship who's living of life is so different...There will be one of two things....Full acceptance (live and let live) or there will be an abundance of conflict...She don't...
    >>> on Forum topic - Break Up (ADHD)

  • by: Bibliopile - 1 day 9 hours ago
    I read this post out loud to my wife.  When I came to the sentence about using a white board, she hollered "YES!!!!  YES!!!" even before I'd finished the sentence.   The many specific examples you've given are very helpful!
    >>> on Blog entry - What Does a Good Relationship Look Like When One Partner has ADHD?

  • by: Will It Get Better - 1 day 10 hours ago
    Angie, I believe the ADHD aspect is that my wife can not resist the impulse to 'share' the latest info-nugget regardless of how I feel about that particular item or what she has previously committed to not sharing..  Her Mom has ADHD as does at least one of the other sisters.  I have no hope that she even can 'realize what is happening' since she actively and obsessively (IMO) engages year after year (and decade after decade) even though her RSD reaction to the 'gossip machine' dismembered our wedding....
    >>> on Forum topic - 'Gossip Machine' and ADHD

  • by: adhd32 - 2 days 20 hours ago
    This situation isn't anything you created. You cannot fix her and she, most likely, won't change.  If she wants change SHE has to do the work, not you.  She seems to employ many manipulate techniques many of us non spouses immediately recognize. It is best to move on now then end up with PTSD over this relationship that does not work.  Imagine that this is your life forever.  I currently have one foot out the door after 35+ years.  We are at a crossroads and H knows what he needs to do but as I stated in...
    >>> on Forum topic - Break Up (ADHD)

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 3 days 14 hours ago
    Melody,  what you wrote says it all.  This was my point regarding my marriage.  Marriage is not all sunshine and roses. Relationships are work, but should they really be this hard this often?    I agree.  It shouldn't be a struggle every day.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Break Up (ADHD)

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 days 17 hours ago
    I think you're being hard on yourself. If you do some digging, you'll see that while ADHD symptoms are normal, so are our reactions to them on the non-ADHD side. Sure, people can do the work on both sides, but sometimes it just can't be solved. I know that feeling of wanting to go down EVERY ROAD except breaking up. I've tried that myself and am currently ending my 20 year relationship.  As you said, sometimes you're just incompatible no matter how good the good things are or how hard you both have tried...
    >>> on Forum topic - Break Up (ADHD)

  • by: Beachlover68 - 6 days 8 hours ago
    Will It Get Better is 1000% correct!  I have dealt with this for 15-20 years with my ADD husband. I have stayed because he does have many good qualities and I do love him.  Also, I didn't want our boys to grow up in a broken home.  But it has not always been an easy choice and I can't say that we have a functional relationship.  We are back in counseling again and I am hoping he will stick with it.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Question for non-ADHD spouses

  • by: Will It Get Better - 1 week 1 day ago
    Your non-ADHD wife typically endured years of hopes, dreams, and promises that 'things will be different'.  Yet every 'six months later' no change seems to have remained.  She is emotionally drained to the point she questions whether the effort to remain married is worth it.  It is very hard to 'rally' from this position.  I suggest you champion one issue/behavior that you both acknowledge has been a sticking point.  At the beginning of every day honestly ask yourself 'did I fulfill my commitment to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Question for non-ADHD spouses

  • by: mike1112014 - 1 week 1 day ago
    It's funny you talked about how unique everyone's experience is but i experience  my ADHD exactly like ur wife. My own wife is driven crazy by me talking over her in group settings and I don't even know I am doing it. You've hit it perfectly, us inattentives (or at least me I shouldn't speak for your wife) are afraid of losing a good idea or an opportunity to impress, in my case because I feel inadequate and constantly have to prove myself. It just jumps out. I realize it's annoying but it's also...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's only a problem when it's a problem

  • by: Gardener - 1 week 1 day ago
    Sounds like you have a few things in place to help you both manage.  I wish you the best on your journey.  Remember, talk is cheap and your actions will tell your partner much more than what you say.  Good vibes for future success out to you.
    >>> on Forum topic - An ADHD - Trauma flashback reconciliation

  • by: HGuerin - 1 week 1 day ago
    Thanks for the reply!  Without knowing your experience nor possibly feeling the weight behind your trauma, I have deep compassion for all survivors. My wife hasn't yet started reading the book but she knows how impactful it was for me and agreed in principle to read it. I let our marriage counselor know that I found the book so enlightening and she said it's very familiar to her having been instrumental in helping her own marriage to an ADHD husband. Stress after the kids were born ramped up so heavily in...
    >>> on Forum topic - An ADHD - Trauma flashback reconciliation

  • by: Gardener - 1 week 1 day ago
    Reading your post I was struck by your statement  " It's like finding out what happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object. "  I am there too, but on the other side.  So glad you are starting to see and understand it all.  The book is a real eye opener.  Has she read it?  I hope things can progress to understanding and peace.
    >>> on Forum topic - An ADHD - Trauma flashback reconciliation

  • by: teary lucy - 1 week 2 days ago
    Thank you both for the valuable comments, really appreciate it.  One thing I have been trying to find out is the accurate/correct diagnose. His son was diagnosed when he was a kid. My husband says this son who is 31 now acted like my husband when he was a kid. This is why he says he would have ADHD. 2 tests he has done was, 1 was by a physiologist but not ADHD specialist. I found him based on the review to find out what exactly my husband has and didn't go well. Another one was a social worker. His...
    >>> on Forum topic - Exhausted...

  • by: c ur self - 1 week 3 days ago
    Being open, and communicating about how each of you feel (minds, body) would be a place to start, if it's possible...Many adders are so easily distracted, it's difficult for them to follow along in conversation for very long..... c
    >>> on Forum topic - One has ADHD and the other has PMDD

  • by: c ur self - 1 week 3 days ago
    There are behaviors that are typical for people with fast minds....But the add/adhd is not the direct reason a person treats other poorly, or seemingly has no convictions to own behaviors, show remorse or apologize... (IMO)...Fast minded people ( people who struggle to organize their lives, can't track time well, who are easily distracted, people who's short term memory is terrible, etc. etc)   are easily addicted to their spouses abilities (taking on heavy loads)....As long as you do for them, they will...
    >>> on Forum topic - Exhausted...

  • by: Gardener - 1 week 3 days ago
    Hi Melody. Thanks for your kindness.  Yeah it is pretty hard to come to grips with it all.  The hardest thing is not feeling like I had a voice in my own marriage for so long.  Every time I built up a new business and got settled we smashed and burned again.  I don't know right now if I have the strength to do it all again.  There is so much fear that it will all get torn down.  At least I have started to sleep.  It was nearly a week with no substantial sleep just twisting with the information in my head...
    >>> on Forum topic - Broken beat and scarred

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 week 3 days ago
    I am glad you could find us--mostly a group of non-ADHD partners with similar experiences to yours. I am currently at the beginning of the process of ending my 20+ year relationship with an ADHD partner.  I know what it's like to feel completely invalidated. Every concern I had was met with denial, anger or a shrug. I only started to realize recently how my confidence in my own evaluation of my experience has been shaken over time. If there is a silver lining, it is that you recognize that ADHD is at play...
    >>> on Forum topic - Broken beat and scarred

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 week 4 days ago
    I can feel your exhaustion. It is difficult to say if your Husbands behavior is related to ADHD, since you say the professionals he has seen told him he does not have ADHD.  Without an evaluation by a professional who specializes in ADHD, the diagnosis may not be accurate. When you speak of his rage, never apologizing and blaming everything on you, it sounds like my ex husband.  He had anger issues, and I was to blame for anything and everything that was wrong in his life. He did NOT have ADHD.  This...
    >>> on Forum topic - Exhausted...

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