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by: lilypop -
Such an eloquent response and affirming for me. Thank you, it helps.>>> on Forum topic - My situation
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by: Swedish coast -
You’re so right in defending your inner peace. For many of us, an ADHD partner’s diagnosis appears after years or decades of pain and confusion. Unmedicated ADHD has then worn us thin and challenged our health. The damage already done shouldn’t be ignored. You are the one who can decide if you want to try, or have the resources to try and revive the relationship. Bear in mind your ADHD partner might never have understood the strain you’ve been under. They perhaps won’t in future...>>> on Forum topic - My situation
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by: Help Please -
I think this feedback is spot on and incredibly helpful. I appreciate hearing from someone else on the journey and validation that I make sense. I'm going to do my best to take your wise advice. Thanks for taking the time to write and sending you all the best in your own life.>>> on Forum topic - Why do things get the worst when I need support the most?
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by: sickandtired -
When he’s not having an adhd issue he’s really good? You know you could find a man who is really good all the time. You are so lucky you are not married to him. You need to ask yourself WHY you love a person who treats you so poorly. What is it in your personality that makes you accept his blame shifting? Being constantly blamed is damaging your self esteem, so that as years go by, it will be harder for you to leave. Chances are you will never be able to rely on him to understand you and respect your...>>> on Forum topic - Vicious circle
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by: Swedish coast -
J, this too is very insightful. I’m touched by your description of loyalty, sturdiness, not as something chosen, but instinctual. I like you people for it.>>> on Forum topic - What makes a person stay?
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by: Swedish coast -
This all rings so true. I can relate to all of it. Perhaps it’s better to be more dismissive in life. But I wish everyone had as kind a heart as you.>>> on Forum topic - What makes a person stay?
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by: J -
I've been working on this for a while ( years ) so I'm finally get down to it. Confusing caring for servitude Confusing empathy with obligation Waiting for certainty before leaving High tolerance for asymmetry Loyalty outlasting reciprocity On the surface, all these are true for me in varying degrees. Some more than others but they're all there. But underneath these, are the 3 parts that really tell the story ( of me ) and why that is. It's not so much...>>> on Forum topic - What makes a person stay?
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by: 1Melody1 -
I understand this rumination about how long we stayed. Looking back, it's clear I should have left 10 years earlier. For me, I think it was: Hope and love. I loved him and I wanted the forever marriage I went into it to have. I just kept hoping that with patience and communication he would make some of these changes with me for our family. Hope is absolutely useless and I hung onto that for way too long. What seemed like attainable changes to me were just not going to happen (e.g....>>> on Forum topic - What makes a person stay?
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by: lilypop -
Thank you for your reply. I do wonder if getting me back is more about the desire to keep their life in order and financial security.>>> on Forum topic - My situation
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by: adhd32 -
Make any reconciliation based on his commitment to improving. Do not move back in. Do not help him navigate treatment. Wait. See what his commitment is to seeing the kids, be accommodating with times but do not make all the visitarion arrangements for him, let him reach out and coordinate schedules and plan activities on his own.. Let him carry the full load of caring for himself and navigating the logistics of visitation, outside commitments, therapy, work, food shopping, finances, etc. Don't...>>> on Forum topic - My situation
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by: J -
I learned a very long time ago ( as a child ) Silence = safety. It's also a signal that's there's something horribly wrong.... when communication ( speaking ) stops, nothing is all that's left.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
With feelings of great consternation, anxiety and dismay, "typically at something unexpected." This entire event had nothing to do with plumbing, how I was doing it, or ANYTHING to do with anything happening at that present moment. I was in a perfectly fine mood and I did offer, I wasn't being coerced into doing it but It should have taken 15 minutes ( had I been left alone ) Instead, it turned into a major event that caused a huge upheava so I'm right there with you trying to understand...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
Thank you Swedish, that helps. And I am sorry for your loss. X>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
it’s utterly appalling behaviour from her. If I had someone as helpful as you in my life, I’d be so grateful. I’ve always been the one with my head under the sink or under the bonnet (hood) whenever anything goes wrong. I cannot understand her. It’s just awful.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
It’s really bad to use a person for dirty work but ignore their expertise, then try to dominate them with violence when they protest. J, please move out. This is not a healthy environment. Don’t let yourself be treated like this.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
I learned it as a child, so I was already good and keeping my mouth shut. And then again later: silence = safety. And no, it's not a satisfying or fullinging way to live. Absolutely not! In real time, 1 week ago, here's a perfect example. It's a lose/lose nobody wins scenario. I promised as long as I was still here, I'd continue to help out when I became needed. The dishwasher started leaking and a new one is needed. I'm completely out of the loop anymore, but I offered my services...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
So far the passing of time has straightened me out the most. The ADD/RSD husband and the neurodivergent relatives have given me huge social stress. I’ve hurt from tiny friction. I tried to create peace and safety in every interaction, exhausting myself to accommodate others. At the same time I was constantly angry about my boundaries being violated by other’s thoughtlessness. Yesterday a relative died. Sadly I haven’t seen their family for more than a decade. I have a major issue with...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
It's really become unsafe for me to stay here, even though, the two of us have arrived at a working cohabitation that's been civil and productive as long as I'm moving towards finally exiting. Thank you for asking though! I've been working on trying to figure myself out and whether I have RSD or not? Working with AI to help generate ideas I think I have a theory. I may have had RSD at one time, but it transformed into something else? This is what gets interesting. ( just a hypothesis...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
Yes, that makes sense - but what he conditioned me into was saying nothing - because me saying anything was a risk of him reminding me again of what a horrible person I was.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
I hadn’t heard of that before; thank you>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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