Recent Comments

  • by: c ur self - 2 hours 45 min ago
    I do several of these...(ear plugs, white noise machine, no charger lights, very dark room, my bed vibrates on a timer, bed time needs to be when I get sleepy the first time, don't fight off sleep after 9 or 10 at night) I would also add these few reminders about avoiding conflict and stressful interactions at night.... 1) Never agree to a TV in the bedroom, if it keeps you awake....2) If you are in a difficult marriage (defiance, and difficulty w/ communication and agreement) never start or engage in...
    >>> on Blog entry - How to Get a Better Night's Sleep

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 4 hours 13 min ago
    Very dark room (or use comfortable eye shades) – minimize charger, computer, electronic lights.  No blue or green lights (cover light indicator with black electrical tape if on a charger, etc.) ...Wish my fiance could fall asleep without the TV going.  I sleep with an earplug in one ear as it is. (I'm deaf in my Left ear.)  I'm tempted to buy a sleeping mask for my eyes.  Although I do sleep with a night light on, the light from the TV bothers me sometimes.    
    >>> on Blog entry - How to Get a Better Night's Sleep

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 day 2 hours ago
    Wow, are we ever similar. Thank goodness for the kids!! I pretty much parent for two, but she keeps me going so I don't mind. We have such a strong bond and I feel so fortunate for that. My expectations, like yours, are very low. I live as though I am single. That has been a very helpful way for me to function, mind-set-wise. I just never count on him at all, do most things myself, hire for things I can't do and let the rest go. Beyond that "day-to-day work" part of a marriage, it was hard to give up...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: inSearchForHope - 1 day 5 hours ago
    Sounds like you did figure out how to live with adhd man and see future together then:) That's what most of us here are trying to do. Good luck and lots of patience to us all
    >>> on Forum topic - Question

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 day 5 hours ago
    I have been with my Fiance for a little more than 4 years.  We do not live together, and won't until my daughter ( 17 ) is finished with High School and goes off to college.  (We live in different cities.)  I do stay with him every other week when my daughter is staying with her Dad.  My post above, asking if people can just flip a switch and seemingly change overnight refers to my ex husband.  I was upset and venting.  I know that people can change into something we don't recognize, because it happened to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Question

  • by: inSearchForHope - 1 day 6 hours ago
    Adele, I read your post from like 2 year ago and this one. Sounds like me. Except I met my husband 12 year ago:(  the answer to you question from my experience and newfound knowledge is simple: ADHD partners can not not change. On other words-they will absolutely change and reveal real self after hyper focus. Yes, what you saw initially was FAR from who they really are. I read you have to wait 24-28 months even if it feels like " he's the one".  I had no idea about any of it including his diagnosis back...
    >>> on Forum topic - Question

  • by: inSearchForHope - 1 day 6 hours ago
    Yes, my kids are what drives my every decision about the relationship, also, it is because of them I'm still in one piece.  I live for them, to make sure their life is best possible. As for myself, I dropped all expectations and won't let my hopes go up.  Oh, just realized my " name " here is suggesting I'm searching for hope. Looks like by now it is peace that I'm after. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 day 7 hours ago
    "Well she shouldn't feel that way." and psychologists advise to approach the partner and calmly gently let him/ her know how "I FEEL "  Aggravates me to no end.  Logically, I know the ony person that you or I can change is ourselves.  Emotionally its another manner.  A person can only be so accommodating, ie: "calmly, gently", before throwing ones hands up in exasperation and saying F--k it!  Especially when I read about Melody's daughter.  That is heartbreaking.  Who is the adult here?  A child shouldn't...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 day 7 hours ago
    HUGS.
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 day 7 hours ago
    I understand where you are. I would say I tried pretty hard to save my relationship, too. I just couldn't do it on my own. You can't fix communication unless he comes to the table willing to participate. It always takes two and that's why I failed. Sadly, I have resigned myself to leaving eventually when my daughter is old enough so that I won't have to share custody. He is unfit to parent but courts don't readily see that with ADHD and they also favour split custody where I live. It would be awful for her...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 day 8 hours ago
    Honestly, it means so much to hear you say this. I am consistently approaching with "I feel" statements so he doesn't go on the defensive (he does anyway), trying to pick my moments, trying to empathize with what it must be like to live with an ADHD brain.... "ARGH" is right. He makes zero accommodations for me! Honestly, it's too much. Just trying to get through the next couple of years. Sometimes I wonder if it hurts my daughter more that I've stayed. But then I need to remember that any amount of shared...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 8 hours ago
    So glad you found this site....For one, nothing you said here is not completely (and I mean completely) understood...Why do we understand it?? Because it's so so many of our lives...Or has been...You can ask your questions (specific stuff) to these ladies & men, and get informed answers from people who is doing the daily work (or has done) to have the best relationship possible under the circumstances.... I personally have been married since 2008....I got the same from her, you said 3 months, it was...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: inSearchForHope - 1 day 8 hours ago
      normally, psychologists advise to approach the partner and calmly gently let him/ her know how "I FEEL " about something that you'd like adjusted. Well, that is a recipe for huge pain for me, because 1. I shouldn't feel that way and 2. The cycle leading to rage often starts.  so I'm ( are you also?) facing the dilemma: to save relationship I have to find way to fix communication, but every attempt costs me MUCH, and - he's totally ignoring the issues, silent me ( problem - in his eyes) makes him happy...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: inSearchForHope - 1 day 8 hours ago
    Yes, the line " you/ he/ she should not feel that " is painfully known. It inconveniences him, annoys him, he does not get it for sure. Worse actually. If I say " I feel lonely " he sees it as an attack , gets defensive and fires back . Needless to say lonely turns into desperate, in his opinion I " should not feel that " . Then I an sent to pay psychiatrist and treated as crazy. Because in his mind I must be crazy if he does not get it. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: inSearchForHope - 1 day 9 hours ago
    But it's just slipping away 
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 day 11 hours ago
    Wow - am the same! I bet a lot of the "nons" posting on here are empaths, too. I'm not a psychologist, but I would guess in a lot of cases, the ADHD spouse was drawn to us in part for our ability to give so much.  But it makes it so much harder. I have been trying really hard to remind myself that just because he is mad or irritable, that does not have to be my feeling. Maybe we can do it together! In the moment I will talk myself down, but when things are really bad, I often walk away now. I go on a walk...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: inSearchForHope - 2 days 2 hours ago
    Also, I am an empath ( HSP) and that only makes matters worse for me as I FEEL ALL his negative feelings as my own , towards myself.  could not find any advice for empath non adhd spouses anywhere though 
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: inSearchForHope - 2 days 2 hours ago
    Thank you so much for listening, understanding and caring enough to respond. I'm glad you are taking care about yourself, any success in stories like our is a WIN.  I try to save myself, save us, save my love to him and not let resentment build. I realized recently that I unintentionally was re directing all negative feelings caused by adhd dynamics from him to myself and that made my health to deteriorate quickly. At thirty something I'm in physical pain on more days that I'm not:(  my all body literally...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non adhd wife suffocating

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 4 hours ago
    This hoarding thing that you and I (and so many many more) are subjected to, is just another reason for boundaries.....My point here is this....If I take it on myself to try and manage her stuff (and the Lord know's I have) this is very bad in multiple ways....1) It's her life and her stuff, so it's her choice, regardless of the outcome of her effort or lack there of....It's not mine, so when I move her stuff, throw away, or give away her stuff, I'm always wrong!...Just like she would be, if she took it on...
    >>> on Forum topic - Intro

  • by: SweetandSour - 2 days 8 hours ago
    Respect has to go both ways. It sounds like your husband didn't trust or respect you BEFORE you lied to him. He never had the right to expect you not to participate in activities because you would be interacting with males. That type of jealousy is pathological and his behavior and attitudes are controlling. It is not ok for him to think and act like that. The red flags in your story are blazing! He has no right to control your media accounts. NO right - no matter what you may have done or not done.  Just...
    >>> on Forum topic - Help needed - Non- ADHD Spouse

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