Recent Comments

  • by: c ur self - 8 hours 9 min ago
    I have never been diagnosed w/ ADHD, although I do have some symptoms when it comes to communicating...especially suffer with being able to listen to long running content w/o drifting off in thought... My spouse takes meds for her add....We both are big talkers at times...with limited ability to listen w/ focus, comprehend and share talk time...So it's an issue we must be aware of in order to keep feelings from being hurt or worse..LOL... When you throw in the symptoms of Aspergers, I'm sure...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Aspergers

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 8 hours ago
    Yep J, u described it pretty well...First of all let me say that when I point out or say "Learning to not react" probably what I should say is, that's the goal...It is so difficult for me to take the abuse...A few years ago My reaction were very bad... We would spend days or weeks hardly speaking...So that is what eventually put me on this acceptance kick... Her reality was that from time to time, she would just loose site of her self and the negativity, name calling and animation was just going roll out...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 10 hours ago
    C, I've been following along with the things you've said about your wife and you mentioned severe and clinical before?  I just had a recollection that pertains to the way you've described your wife.  As you said, "spawned from anger outbursts and hyper focus you learn how not to react to it?"  Taking you for face value as you described this, I connected something not to my wife but to her brother and how that corresponds to what you are saying?  Before I forget to mention, this is more in connection to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: jennalemone - 1 day 10 hours ago
    Welcome.  I hope someone responds to this who knows more than me about both partners having ADHD and also some Aspergers.  Im sorry your husband doesn't feel like working on the marriage.  I know how that part feels.  I'm sorry you are going through this.
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD and Aspergers

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 19 hours ago
    When I am answering my own questions (like u did here, as painful as it may be at times) I know I am on the right road.... And Yes! (in my opinion) Love does have expectations, because true love is a product...It's like Faith, it's a substance built out of choice of commitment and heart:)....Some times we can look right past Love, (not appreciate others efforts of giving themselves) or have our attempts to Love looked past, when it's there all the time...And sometimes our thinking can be convoluted due to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: jennalemone - 1 day 20 hours ago
    But the problem with not saying anything is....nothing ever gets said especially when it relates directly to a problem you are having.  With H, nothing is "being said" by me anymore for the past year.  I believe I had to do be nearly mute with him for a while to get a perspective of where our constant arguments came from.  It is the "taking it apart" before you can put it back together again....the not talking.  But NOTHING GETS SAID.  It is really no different than it ever was between H and me because...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: jennalemone - 1 day 20 hours ago
    I don't think we NEED to take hard stances on broad issues but to be thoughtful of humanity and the Life we have been given.  The challenge for me is - am I aware and honest of and with my self? Truth is allusive to me these days and I have not trusted my own intuition since I found myself pregnant and then married to H a long time ago.  Since then, I was one to look for leaders or laws (Teachers, Parents, The Bible, the Girl Scout Promise, the laws of the land) for navigating life.  So, if I navigate the...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: jennalemone - 1 day 21 hours ago
    Learning discipline to respond and not to react. Yes, C, I have learned this too.  And I can apply this lesson to some other people in my life too - which I have always been able and aware to do.  Having poise, savoir-faire, finesse, discretion.  It always made sense to me to use these tools with others outside of family.  I had not applied them to family, believing that inside family, I MUST and CAN be myself with all my insecurities/truth/vulnerabilities.  Living a REAL life just as I am.   I am coming...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 4 hours ago
    In my case it's not learning how to play the game... It's learning how to expect and ignore...When u deal with behaviors that are spawned from anger outbursts and hyper focus u better learn how to not react to it...Especially if denial is present...Denial renders a person helpless to own any thing they say or do... So all you have left is blame, fight or flight....You can set up for hours trying to work through something, but if one or both minds are locked in denial you will most always just experience...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: JJamieson - 2 days 18 hours ago
    This is what I have been struggling with in trying to find with my wife which (was) the stumbling block or wall that I kept hitting my head against with her.  I think it has to do ( now in retrospect ) with a number of things and it's not just one barrier or wall you have to get past but a number of them depending on ( who you are talking with ).  I can finally say that I think the worst is over and that wall has finally started to come down.  You've heard me go on at length, in trying to analyze this,...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: jennalemone - 2 days 21 hours ago
    C, I was hoping you would reply to this.  It is a great comfort to me to know of people (especially men) who hold to faith and persist in pursuit of faith to "stand in the light" and bear witness to their strength and vulnerabilities.   Thanks.   I am not going to erase my previous message I wrote yesterday like I thought I might because it is a springboard for where I am this morning in my head.  I just watched a show on PBS called Open Mind.  On it was the author of Letters to a Young Muslim.  I am...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: c ur self - 3 days 12 hours ago
    The past causes us all to be suspect BS....It's difficult to accept someone has the ability to See themselves...and Change themselves....Although it happens everyday...I suggest you just continue working on you, and be patient w/ her...(don't read to much into her disdain and doubt) If you do that she will come around in time as your new self awareness and self discipline becomes a reality she can put her Trust in! Blessing BS C
    >>> on Forum topic - THings are(were) looking up

  • by: c ur self - 3 days 12 hours ago
    (WHAT can I adamantly believe in that a century from now will still be truth? ) Your journey for truth is a good one! Kind of been on this self awareness kick for a couple of years myself...It's difficult, it's hard to accept the things I don't like about myself...But, it's kind of freeing also...It gives me things to work on and also helps me stop over focusing on my W's living of life so much...I'm sure she appreciates it:)  For me the answer to Life, and Truth is Jesus statement in John 14:6...I am...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: jennalemone - 3 days 15 hours ago
    Thanks for responding J, not much activity on this site recently.  Yeah. #3 is a good one.  I have, at this late age, trouble knowing truth and have a difficult time taking sides on almost anything.  (The older I get the more I realize I don't know for sure).  AND people who are adamant about things are many times suspect in my view.  But I know this is not a good way to live....When I was younger I navigated the world much better with a firm map of who I was and what was truth (small midwest town where...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: JJamieson - 3 days 18 hours ago
    3. Look for truth and side with it. You must take sides on issues and decide what you believe in, and why. You can change your mind, but maturing has to do with finding truth, as you see it, and living your truth. This is a must. I looked this up the Laurence Wilson article you recommended and I think it is really accurate  and absolutely right on the money. But as I read what you said about this being your journey and the #2 listed that you gave, it said "You must stay on your path" which was then...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: MrsADD - 4 days 15 hours ago
    I talked to my therapist the other day of my ambivalence to leave my H with 2 small children who love their playful affectionate Dad, not that they can ever depend on him but at 2 & 4 they don't really understand that yet. She explained my situation as a winding road with blind corners. That for a while I will only be able to see just in front of me and not know what will be around the corner until I reach my destination. But if I take small steps (pit stops) towards freedom I will end up making it...
    >>> on Forum topic - I salute all the spouses that stayed with their ADHD partners, YOU ARE GODS. YOU ARE SAINTS. YOU ARE ANGELS. 

  • by: jennalemone - 5 days 12 hours ago
    "There is nothing wrong with giving up something you have outgrown." I had been holding on to things from my past and those things have stopped me from living a life of new possibilities and maturity.  Like old childhood teddy bears, some of us tend to not want to forget about them (the past beloved things and people), lest we deem ourselves unloving and unappreciative.   What I am working on letting go: My small town and it's mores and customs. Beliefs of feminine "place" and expectations.   Looking...
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: BS - 6 days 14 hours ago
    I like the points you make. Im going to use these. Thank you!
    >>> on Forum topic - Foggy recolections.

  • by: sickandtired - 6 days 20 hours ago
    I am happy for you that you have chosen a healthier life. Anything sounds better than living with abuse. If you ever feel weak or doubting yourself, please come back here and read about all of the pain and frustrations of those who are still suffering from their partner's bad behavior. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Silver Splitters and Grey Divorces

  • by: sickandtired - 6 days 21 hours ago
    i hear you, and I think you did the right thing. Why waste your life enabling his bad behavior when he won't help himself? You have chosen to be a survivor, not a victim, which is the only viable healthy alternative available to you. I got out of my chaotic relationship too, and it took a while to totally be free of the anxiety over his unpredictable anger, but I know I did the right thing.  Now I have a peaceful, predictable life.  Nobody should be a martyr for their partner's bad behavior, even if they...
    >>> on Forum topic - I salute all the spouses that stayed with their ADHD partners, YOU ARE GODS. YOU ARE SAINTS. YOU ARE ANGELS. 

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