Recent Comments

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 6 hours 37 min ago
    I am inspired by your post. I'm working on my associate's degree at 52, my first time going to college.....
    >>> on Forum topic - This 57 Year Old Lady Earned Her College Degree

  • by: Chevron - 11 hours 29 min ago
    On this issue, it sounds like you and I are married to the same man, Sweet and Sour. The inability to handle frustration is one of the core issues that people with ADHD struggle with.  My husband has expressed to me how frustrated he feels most of the time and he is aware that others don't seem to have that level of frustration about so many things.   I think my husband has more frustrations than I do.  So its not only an ability to handle frustration, its that the frustrations and interruptions and self...
    >>> on Forum topic - So what do I DO when he blows?

  • by: SweetandSour - 13 hours 31 min ago
    The inability to handle frustration is one of the core issues that people with ADHD struggle with.  My husband has expressed to me how frustrated he feels most of the time and he is aware that others don't seem to have that level of frustration about so many things.  My husband blows up too and it has really ruined my day many times.  I am trying to learn what I'm telling you, so I know it isn't so easy, but I think you do have to think of it as a thunderstorm that will blow over.  Once it's done, in their...
    >>> on Forum topic - So what do I DO when he blows?

  • by: JJamieson - 13 hours 44 min ago
    I'm laughing because have no idea if that is a legitimate score of something or if that's just the one for the test?  It wasn't much of a test in terms of being very long or in depth?  I don't put to much towards those anyway either but it interesting and (surprising ) only in the message which was pretty accurate?  And just from the little bit of info you shared I a  worlds apart from you husband in some ways and not in others but living the secret life thing hasn't been something I really can say was or...
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: Lynn-lost - 14 hours 55 min ago
    Oh J! Really? I hope you don't buy too much into that online test. From your writings you seem much more than a 37. I appreciate it, tho, for illustrative purposes. Kind of like when I read some horrible news item about awful abuse to seniors, children or animals, especially. My mind just can't wrap around it, How can someone DO that? Those kind of things really bother me....but, back to the subject at hand. For years my husband drank. He was a professional musician, fit right in w the territory. I didn't...
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: JJamieson - 15 hours 37 min ago
    I know, I know it and I still have trouble with it but that's not a bad thing?  I do remember sitting in my T's office struggling with this exact same thing once  before......that had to do with these exact  same conditions and some very similar "symptoms"....actually "tell tales" as they are called.  These really aren't "symptoms" more "markers" or "red flags".  And the reason they don't register is actually pretty easy to see too?  You get so use to it, or conditioned to think that "this is normal" and "...
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: SweetandSour - 17 hours 58 min ago
    I can identify with you strongly - mostly because I've made some of the same mistakes!  As non-ADHD partner (female) of ADHD male, I have pursued too vigorously when I've been shut out (fear of abandonment anyone?!).  I have come on too strong. People with ADHD are very sensitive to criticism due to having lived a life full of it (including from themselves - feeling like they are "different" and "wrong" and like they can't make themselves heard or understood).  ADHD is a disorder of executive function AND...
    >>> on Forum topic - After Years, abrupt break up and no communication by ADHD SO

  • by: nochangingnames - 18 hours 35 sec ago
    Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate your perspective, thank you for sharing your experience. I guess from knowing him as a warm and loving person and sharing our life for four years, this entirely austere shut off has been jarring. Makes me question what I missed. Yeah, I really need to stop projecting on the nothingness....everything. I guess his assertion that the relationship causes both of us pain and that it's unhealthy and hurtful is what makes me think the reason he is ending this is...
    >>> on Forum topic - After Years, abrupt break up and no communication by ADHD SO

  • by: JJamieson - 18 hours 33 min ago
    It's a very difficult thing you are going through Lynn, and I know just how hard it is doing this same thing myself.  It may be a little easier for me to do this now, having done it before and for many of the reasons mentioned here, if a person refuses to see or simply can't see, then they will continue doing what they are doing until they see it?  Or not, depending on the circumstances?  But as C mentioned and Chevron mentioned too.......something is missing and something isn't being said outright but it...
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: Chevron - 18 hours 36 min ago
    Hi, nochangingnames, I'm so sorry that you're in the pain that you're in.   I once went through this kind of ghosting.  That's what they call it these days, don't they?   That someone fully in a relationship suddenly disappears completely from contact? When I went through it, the silence itself was very unnerving.   I didn't know what the silence meant.   Like you, that silence led to me reflecting back on myself, which now, looking back, I don't think was the healthiest thing to do, although it's quite...
    >>> on Forum topic - After Years, abrupt break up and no communication by ADHD SO

  • by: Lynn-lost - 18 hours 47 min ago
    Thanks for sharing, Ivy. It's encouraging to hear about others who have gotten out. I know what you mean about the sadness, but, when I find myself going down that road i tell myself it takes two. One person can't keep doing the "heavy lifting."
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: Lynn-lost - 18 hours 53 min ago
    Yes, I have some friends I have spoken with,  who have been watching all of this unfold and they are supportive. However, I don't want them to cringe when the phone rings, unduly burden them with my trials. I know what that is like, being someone on the other end w friends who you listen in horror and sympathy at first, then it gets to where you're thinking, My Gawd-why don't they do something? Or, stop whining and get over it. He's a putz, a jerk, etc. He lied so bad whn we went to MC, made such a scene...
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: Lynn-lost - 19 hours 2 min ago
    Yes, a thousand times yes, J. I feel totally hoodwinked, I did not know. I trusted. Revolted that it took me protecting myself financially to get any kind of emotion from him, other than self pity and worry about what he is going to do about paying his way out of the hole he has dug. It's not hard to figure out what to do. What has been so hard for me is accepting the level of betrayal and deceit, lack of accountability and insight to the consequences of his actions. It was truly alien to me, as if some...
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: Lynn-lost - 19 hours 10 min ago
    ST, thank you your reply. Sounds like you are not Sick and Tired anymore, glad for you. I am in the midst of the journey to get free from what you so aptly describe as "some dependent angry adolescent who resents you and threatens suicide when things get tough."
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: c ur self - 20 hours 53 min ago
    What if it's spiritual? What is his convictions about living married, when you are not? (If that was the product) Maybe he is under conviction to pull away from the relationship for that reason....There could be many things going on in his heart and mind....Don't presume that he views you as the problem....Many men are conscience driven, so facing ourselves in the mirror isn't about the people involved with us....It's about us...Our accountability to our own convictions....A weak person, or a person w/o...
    >>> on Forum topic - After Years, abrupt break up and no communication by ADHD SO

  • by: Zapp10 - 21 hours 41 min ago
    Do not think we don't get what you are saying....it is called co dependency. Withdrawal from this is VERY hard. STOP focusing on him....YOU are worth more than you feel right now. Your journey will begin when you see this.....it is a choice  that is totally up to you. You are in my prayers. 
    >>> on Forum topic - After Years, abrupt break up and no communication by ADHD SO

  • by: nochangingnames - 22 hours 40 min ago
    He is very intelligent, professionally successful, compassionate, extroverted, super kind; I was always amazed at how much he *did* manage given his ADHD...I just don't understand how we got here where he couldn't even grant one conversation. I guess I am really stuck struggling because I wasn't given a chance to speak, or at least he could have brought me on board. It feels so abrupt. The rug just got pulled from under me and I am in a lot of pain. I am also feeling really heartbroken that the break up...
    >>> on Forum topic - After Years, abrupt break up and no communication by ADHD SO

  • by: Chevron - 23 hours 9 min ago
    Liz, this is wonderful news!  Bravo! I'll be thinking of you on Monday, with your young students.   
    >>> on Forum topic - This 57 Year Old Lady Earned Her College Degree

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 9 hours ago
    When a person is unable to move forward (commit) at age 30 there is reasons for it....Many of our spouses...(mine for sure) never has been able to keep her commitments and pre-marital promises...I want go through all the reason's for it....But just let me say when a person is fearful of what they might do....You better accept that and walk away....Look at what you have written here?....If someone else wrote this, what would tell them?? Would you tell them that they sound more like a mother than an...
    >>> on Forum topic - After Years, abrupt break up and no communication by ADHD SO

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 10 hours ago
    I've been wondering about you! This is so awesome!...I am so proud of you! Thanks for sharing:) C
    >>> on Forum topic - This 57 Year Old Lady Earned Her College Degree

Pages