Recent Comments

  • by: Chevron - 1 hour 2 min ago
    Kudos to you both for doing such a long conversation about feelings and your relationship.  And over three different topics, all in one sitting.  That would have been an intimate conversation ultramarathon for me and my husband.  He would have been very hard put to keep going that long, in a talk that went from topic to topic, about feelings.  No kidding, congratulations.  You both kept at it. That said, Bowl, I could hear that it was so frustrating to you to be trying to get really important information...
    >>> on Forum topic - Finally found some time to talk

  • by: Theworrier - 2 days 3 hours ago
    Thank you for your comment! Yes I agree, some days I do feel annoyed that I am just trying to explain how I feel, and then I end up feeling sorry for him for my own feelings. It is hard - I have to try and explain how I feel without making him feel shameful but I don't really know how! In the meantime, you are right, I have to listen to my gut and say no.
    >>> on Forum topic - How to chat to ADD partner about (perhaps not) living together

  • by: Theworrier - 2 days 3 hours ago
    Thank you for your post! It is difficult isn't it - I am so worried about the further future, marriage, kids etc - I know it's only going to get harder. I guess I just hope by then we might be able to tackle the symptoms together so we can find a way of working it out so we are both happy. And you are right - I am worried that going back to living with him will be like a stepping stone - I want to give him another chance but the variables don't seem to work in our favour - he is already depressed and only...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to chat to ADD partner about (perhaps not) living together

  • by: Hopeful Heart - 2 days 22 hours ago
    There are some aspects of your post that worry me about your situation. It seems that you are happy and thriving, but being pressured into a situation that you know will rob your happiness and negatively affect your future. Your boyfriend seems to be unhappy now and has already admitted that he will be unhappy after the move. Please believe me when I say that relationships only get harder the more deeply involved you become. But I think you already know that. You’ve already been in a more involved...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to chat to ADD partner about (perhaps not) living together

  • by: sickandtired - 3 days 17 hours ago
    Wow. This guy has you feeling guilty because "no one wants to live with him"???  And "everyone hates him?  He is playing the victim and he controls you because you feel sorry for him. That is not love. It is co- dependence. It is certainly NOT selfish to put your education and your future first. If he gets mad when you try to discuss him facing and working on his ADHD, that is a BIG problem. He says he will be miserable moving?  How do you think realistically this would be if he actually does move in with...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to chat to ADD partner about (perhaps not) living together

  • by: mlandis - 3 days 20 hours ago
    Jlrva reading your posts sounds exactly like my life for 34 years with a wonderful man that still has not been diagnosed at the age of 59. My life has been a cycle that never seems to get anywhere just like your last post. The RSD episodes can last days, often I think they are over but out of the blue he will go at me again blaming me for never admitting I'm wrong etc. I'm wondering, how are you doing now? Did the counseling work? We are trying a new therapist next week and I'm afraid the appointment is so...
    >>> on Forum topic - RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)?

  • by: Lynn-lost - 3 days 20 hours ago
    Your plan is very wise. I had found a statement re codependency online and emailed it to myself. Whenever I felt shaky about my choice, whenever he tried to manipulate me again, whenever he threatened suicide again, whenever he lied again, whenever he did and sold more drugs, whenever he was mean and nasty, whenever I heard him on the phone trashing me, whenever I saw nasty emails and texts filled with lies,whenever he took my money, I went back and read it, over and over again. I hope you refer to your...
    >>> on Forum topic - A jerk dressed up w/ pretty drugs is still a jerk. Are we all self-harming codependents?

  • by: DependentOrigination - 3 days 21 hours ago
    A brave new world awaits you! How exciting! I am not there yet, but I am going to open my mind to that possibility over the next several years. It is not going to happen in an emotional moment, as an act of retaliation or self defense, but after careful thought and reflection. The problem is finding that lack of reaction. In the last 6 months I have dealt with infidelity, him not showing up at my daughters graduation, him choosing his ex wife and his children’s happiness over our own. He broke an agreement...
    >>> on Forum topic - A jerk dressed up w/ pretty drugs is still a jerk. Are we all self-harming codependents?

  • by: Lynn-lost - 4 days 8 hours ago
    DependentOrigination You wrote exactly how I feel right now! Everything except for the daughter graduating and the musing about what your husband may or may not do. I filed for divorce two weeks ago, What a beautiful description of letting go of codependency and reclaiming your life!  
    >>> on Forum topic - A jerk dressed up w/ pretty drugs is still a jerk. Are we all self-harming codependents?

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 4 days 8 hours ago
    Married men should not be going to strip bars and should not be snap chatting or doing any social media with strippers or other women like that.  It's inappropriate.   believe me, if you suddenly had a posse of men that you were chatting with, spending time with, etc, he'd have a fit.
    >>> on Forum topic - Help, im alone tired and losing myself.

  • by: CaliforniaGirl - 4 days 8 hours ago
    Funny I just ran across something today that again said that ADHD rarely travels alone, so I'm not surprised.  I've poured over various articles and so on but in my ex's case I can't figure out which it might be.  Anxiety, NPD, some mix of both.. who knows.   Definitely alcohol abuse.  Anyway, I'm so glad you are taking care of you - mentally and physically.  :-)
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 4 days 8 hours ago
    we often see people post that their partners have ADHD, and maybe they do, but when they post about really bad behaviors, raging, irrational stuff, then usually that's because something else is also wrong with them.   unless his raging and irrational accusations were strictly due to his meds, the psychiatrist needs to figure out what comorbidly he has.
    >>> on Forum topic - Ups and Downs

  • by: Lynn-lost - 4 days 9 hours ago
    You might be right, Ivy. All of our behaviors have a pay off of some sort...I don't blame my STBX for having his disorder, but his choice not to address his issues, hurt and manipulate me for years, that I do blame him for! Re the skin cancer, thanks so much for your kind thoughts. I believe I will be OK :)  
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: PoisonIvy - 4 days 9 hours ago
    Lynn, I hope your skin cancer is cured, without too much pain and cost.   I was reminded today about how much depression has affected my ex.  He has gone into and out of treatment.  I know I shouldn't blame him for having treatment-resistant depression but sometimes I think he enjoys the attention he gets when he's sick and thus doesn't work hard to get better.
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: Lynn-lost - 4 days 10 hours ago
    I did it. I filed for divorce and he is out of the house. Thank God for supportive friends, family, and a good therapist :) Of course it's not all over yet, a lot to sort through with settlement and all of that. And when I went for a routine check up today, my MD did a biopsy of a tiny freckle and it turns out it's another skin cancer that will require more surgery on my face. Thank God for him and his fancy equipment, too. Caught it early. The next thing I am going to say probably deserves its own thread...
    >>> on Forum topic - 24 years in, I want OUT

  • by: CaliforniaGirl - 4 days 17 hours ago
    You didn't sound bossy at all.  At least not to me.  I also found that whenever I did not just give in to whatever my ex wanted I too was met with anger.  He just wants to do whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to do it (or not do something, as the case may be).   Any question, request, or suggestion otherwise and he turned into a petulant child.  Fussing, whining, being snappish, arguing...   Any attempt at reasoning or discussion after that turned into a full blown fit of yelling and storming out...
    >>> on Forum topic - Now, where have I seen this before?

  • by: jennalemone - 5 days 30 min ago
    This reminds me of my H. He has "read" my mind for over 40 years, telling me what I think, what I want, why I am doing something etc. etc.  He says things that don't make sense that seems to be made up in his mind.  It is confusing and crazy-making trying to hold on to my own mind while being partnered with someone who does not partner but who is defiant and argumentative without reason. H has been like a child playing "King on the Hill" and I am his only enemy.   The vision of H being a child is helpful...
    >>> on Forum topic - Now, where have I seen this before?

  • by: CaliforniaGirl - 5 days 20 hours ago
    ... of some situations I was in with my ex.  His house was, and probably still is, in complete stasis.  Nothing has really changed since his wife left in 2009 and the kids moved out around that time as well... (except that he has acquired more stuff that he doesn't take care of).   He continually said he wanted to move forward with me, live together, clean up and remodel the house... etc..     So, as we became more serious, I began to speak with him about clearing out old things... old clothing, broken...
    >>> on Forum topic - Now, where have I seen this before?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 5 days 22 hours ago
    I don't know if my boyfriend of 2 years is the exception to the rule, but he has ADD and has a stable work history.  Since we've only been together 2 years, it would be impossible to list every job he has had.... When he was growing up, his Mom and Stepdad moved alot.  He left home at 17 because of his Stepfathers physical abuse.  One job he had after that was working for a circus.  While in his early 20's he worked as a DJ.  He Dj'd for parties and in bars.  Then thru his cousin he found a gig as a DJ in...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD And Jobs

  • by: SydAcct - 6 days 1 hour ago
    I have worked as an accountant in Australia for the last 30 years. I have also been diagnosed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder. It has been a really tough journey. the last 7 years in tax have left me drained of energy and very anxious.  I have had to face the truth that working in tax compliance as an accountant is extremely difficult for anyone with ADHD. I have heard of accountants with ADHD working with some success in management accounting or cost accounting. Maybe there is another area where your...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD And Jobs

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