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by: scoobydo -
Hi Swedish coast; Have you accepted that you had to let go and if so, how long did it take? The anger is always there because I cannot accept that I have to let go of my fiance. Im angry that he won't get therapy and even then would that help him? I understand the disorder fully but just cannot accept that I have to make all the sacrifices. Which, in turn, brings on the guilt because aren't we supposed to live in sickness and in health? But then I think about how much his disorder affects...>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: Swedish coast -
My severe ADD ex is also deeply lovable. Terrible to give up on. For an ADD mind, a neurotypical partner’s expectations might seem unreasonable and also pointless. I had severe ADD explained to me as a fundamental lack of executive skills. Which means not being able to make things happen. The ADHD person adjusts their ‘normal’ to their capacity. Mess might be an ADHD person’s normal, procrastination, avoidance, elastic logic, elastic conscience too. Neurotypical expectations of a husband...>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: Swedish coast -
Isn’t that an excellent description you just made? Fawning as a way of surviving? But your emotions do matter, as do your needs and preferences. I’m so sorry, Off the Roller. Have been thinking about you. ❤️>>> on Forum topic - Yank myself out of the numbness
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by: scoobydo -
Sad>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: befree07 -
Yes, something I need to work on. We (in my home) are so focused on overcoming, or improving our coping skills when ADHD symptoms arise in order to minimize their negative impact. We need to spend more time learning about, and celebrating, the positives like this couple has :) Really glad you enjoyed the video!>>> on Forum topic - Talking ADHD Evaluation and Diagnosis with your Tween
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by: 1Melody1 -
Thanks for posting this. It was a very relatable watch and nice to hear from a couple where both partners are aware and working hard to understand each other and address the challenges of ADHD while embracing the positives.>>> on Forum topic - Talking ADHD Evaluation and Diagnosis with your Tween
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by: Swedish coast -
This forum has helped me immeasurably. One thing that connects many of us here is love for people with ADHD…>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: J -
having this forum available, and wealth of knowledge and expertise available has been a blessing for me. Thank you J>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: ForumModerator -
Thank you for sharing your perspective. We know that both partners in ADHD-impacted relationships have very different experiences, and sometimes this space can feel more weighted toward the non-ADHD partner’s voice. Many non-ADHD partners come here seeking support, which can mean their posts reflect a lot of frustration or hurt. That said, members with ADHD are equally welcome here, and your experiences, insights, and needs matter too. Our goal is to provide space for both partners to be heard,...>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: NorthCountryBoy -
As a fellow ADHD sufferer, I would recommend finding other places to pursue learning about ADHD treatment and healing. My experience has been that this forum tends to largely be dominated by non-ADHD partners of ADHD sufferers who need a venue to voice their anger, frustration, exhaustion, and regret, and there's not a lot of room for empathy, compassion, or understanding of those with ADHD here. Steer clear if you can.>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: 1Melody1 -
He wants the benefits of a relationship with you without getting his life in order. Your expectations are not unreasonable. You are just seeking a basic level of accountability and normalcy and shouldn't have to jump through spiritual hoops or live separately for this to work. He is wishing to "solve" this problem without actually solving this problem by addressing his OWN issues that are at the root of the problem!! It doesn't seem like much has changed since you broke up and I know I don't know the...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: Swedish coast -
No, you’re not wrong to question this relationship. Safety is a basic need and the prerequisite for a functional relationship. If you feel insecure, that’s exactly what should make you leave. Your emotions are right, they are trying to protect you. No church will make an unsafe man a safe man to marry. He probably hopes to divert your attention from dysfunctional parts of his life, but once in the relationship, you won’t ever be able to ignore them. You’re not a failure....>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: honestly -
" I feel unseen which taps straight into old wounds of not being believed or cared for as I needed." I experienced narcissistic parenting - I imagine this is what you grew up with? The expectation that my feelings, experiences, opinions didn't matter was familiar, and, I think, that familiarity was part of what drew me to my ex. Your situation sounds genuinely horrible. And horribly familiar. I'd echo Swedish's injunction. Run. But it might be,...>>> on Forum topic - Support for person on receiving end of RSD/DESR
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by: honestly -
Hello, Tigerslair. Been through a lot of that. It erodes your self-worth; you compromise so far that you yourself become compromised; your very self starts to fall apart. He had me believing I was judgemental, critical, negative. Even cruel. I had internalised his narrative of me as a terrible person. Who he would not, however, let go, because he loved me, was so generous to love me, even though I was so horrible. The erosion of self affected all my relationships - with family, friends,...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
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by: Swedish coast -
Having spent two years now trying to recover from ADD divorce, I feel for you. It’s been confusion, sadness, and despair. Especially if you’ve loved your spouse dearly and believed in their good intentions, it’s hard work letting go of them. I guess everyone needs to do this in their own personal way, also depending on how they’ve been treated. For me, firm boundaries have been mandatory. Even though my ex husband has been present in my mind for countless hours after divorce, he’s...>>> on Forum topic - New to ADHD
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by: scoobydo -
He is suggesting i accompany him to his new church which i feel strongly is even more pressure on the relationship because we will be accountable to a whole new group of people. Maybe im just too weak, too insecure and too fearful of a woman. I understand that wives need to respect their husbands but I need to feel some semblance of security in this relationship. Attending a new church and having the love and spiritual support is a good thing but its not going to change the fact that he still has...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: scoobydo -
He is suggesting i accompany him to his new church which i feel strongly is even more pressure on the relationship because we will be accountable to a whole new group of people. Maybe im just too weak, too insecure and too fearful of a woman. I understand that wives need to respect their husbands but I need to feel some semblance of security in this relationship. Attending a new church and having the love and spiritual support is a good thing but its not going to change the fact that he still has...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: scoobydo -
He is suggesting i accompany him to his new church which i feel strongly is even more pressure on the relationship because we will be accountable to a whole new group of people. Maybe im just too weak, too insecure and too fearful of a woman. I understand that wives need to respect their husbands but I need to feel some semblance of security in this relationship. Attending a new church and having the love and spiritual support is a good thing but its not going to change the fact that he still has...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so sorry. It sounds like he has a really bad case of whatever it is. You clearly suffer. And no, his mother would probably fiercely deny there’s anything wrong with her golden boy. And his colleagues are probably clueless about his rejection sensitivity dysphoria, even if they are all qualified mental health professionals, because with them he’s always been kind, charming and respectful. As a non partner, you probably can’t expect anyone who knows him to verify your experience...>>> on Forum topic - Support for person on receiving end of RSD/DESR
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by: Resigned2B -
Guilt IS productive. It is a gift to help us change and lead our lives in a better direction. It is shame not productive. Shame paralyzes you. Many churches offer professional group therapy for men and/or women who cannot leave behind the dopamine hit that porn addicts you. Make no mistake, it is an addiction. And even the best people can rewire their brain using porn, and it only takes two weeks to officially be an addict. Once you are an addict, you remain an addict. It is always a...>>> on Blog post - 9 Reasons Porn Hurts
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