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by: honestly -
I am a natural sponge for blame, and consciously or unconsciously my ex exploited this. If I could just be more patient, kinder, nicer, more supportive, we would be fine. At the time my behaviour was consistently generous and deferential and supportive. I was burning unsustainable resources to cope with his needs, my profound loneliness, and to hold our family together. I realise I have some kind of long term damage as a result of this, but mainly by the through-the-looking-glass logic of him being...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
If you are separated, how would you contrast your state now - are you entirely better? Or did she somehow learn to manage her RSD, or did you begin to tune it out? It was clearly a huge drain on you.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
I asked today, "why was there this arbitrary deadline created...when at first...you were giving me a reasonable time frame...again?" She said "don't you remember? You were "wigging out" 4 weekends in a row, so I had to change it, I couldn't take anymore of that" I just said "ah, I see, it was my wigging out that finally did it." She's referring to the time when she hit me in the face while trying to help her ( I offered ) with her broken dishwasher. Up until the the moment she hit...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
I'm still not exactly sure where the lines of RSD begin and end for myself. It's been proposed that I may not suffer from it, to the extent I hear about others. There are reasons for that, which I'm beginning to understand better. Ironically, I actually have a keen sense of weather patterns outside. I never really thought about, but I can predict the weather by reading tye signs...like Smelling rain coming, noticing cloud patterns and looking at directions from where it's coming from. My senses...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: adhd32 -
I never felt that parent child dynamic was an accurate description of the relationship. Host and parasite is a much more accurate description. You can work on yourself till the cows come home and follow all the therapy guidelines but unless you eradicate the parasite you will continue to weaken and decline physically, emotionally, and mentally. They suck all the goodness and kindness out of you and when you try to address things they gaslight and blame you. They say you are the problem, and in your...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Will It Get Better -
I remember waking everyday and immediately projecting a 'RSD Forecast' for my ADHD wife to imagine all the scheduled activities and current mental state and what I might expect to happen. I was never sure what shade of doom I would get.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
The "parent child" dynamic is why I first came back here. At least, that's what I thought. I also thought my partner: might be a narcissist, might be Borderline, might have another personality disorder... the goes on and on. Because I'm not a trained mental health professional...I only have my own experience to go on. I don't believe any of those things are true now. You could cherry pick a few symptoms yes....but doesn't tell the whole story. In brief, what happened to me is this...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: 1Melody1 -
1000 times this.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
I think research is probably thin on these relationships. Have pubmed-ed and found a few articles on the subject, they mainly concluded especially female partners of ADHD people are more miserable than people in general. The (sometimes unaware?) parasitism of ADHDers is something I’ve pondered on too. To me it seemed there was no ill intent, but very bad self-awareness. And yes, I feel very much like I’ve carried a tick for twenty years. I’m aghast to hear your description of how...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
I’m pretty sure I was dealing with narcissism and autism with him, as well as ADHD. And my own repetition compulsion and bloodyminded refusal to admit defeat. A toxic mix.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
my profession involves an acceptance of uncertainty. I am constantly aware that all the possible data has yet to be uncovered, that other interpretations exist, or will come into existence; that I do not have the final word; I just offer my informed understanding at that point in time. It is good practice; it leaves space for others to explore, and the potential for further questioning to happen, and further developments to take place. So I am sceptical of certainty. And in the writing about...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
I agree about parent-child dynamic being an inadequate description, as far as I’ve experienced ADHD marriage. Begging for the ADHD partner to state a preference, asking for their opinion on joint responsibilities, while having to make decisions alone, never wanting to, that’s not parent-child dynamic. Neither is overworking to compensate, nor juggling chaos when ADHD dysfunction disrupts family life. That’s plain and simple an adult unable to fulfill adult responsibility. And another adult being...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
YouTube :Understanding - Time Bandits>>> on Forum topic - Reflecting back accurately
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by: Swedish coast -
Your longing for a family to trust in and belong to is so relatable to me, as is the feeling the chosen partner and their extended family are completely wrong for it. Sometimes letting go of hope entirely is freeing. Please remember the family system you’re in now effectively blocks out other people, who could make you feel safe and valued. If I could suggest something, it would be to get in touch with your cousins. Perhaps they want to be an important part of your future. I know I’d...>>> on Forum topic - Just need a little crisis venting
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by: honestly -
I feel where you’re at; for me I categorised it as ‘inertia’ - that I had to carry so much I couldn’t bear to take on one more thing, even if I’d love to do it - so you miss out on lovely things. And the loneliness in their company I get too. I too have been so lonely in my marriage. We split now 10 months ago and after the immediate shockwaves it has been so peaceful and good, and I find I can do things without them being anything more to carry. One thing I wonder might help you most...>>> on Forum topic - Just need a little crisis venting
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by: honestly -
I started from the unenviable position of being raised by narcissists; I had a very limited sense of self, my own opinions, what I liked and disliked or even that I mattered, because everything was focused on someone else, the narcissist. I turned to my ex as someone who exhibited a similar authority to my dad. He knew who he was and he was important and I should listen to him and we should do what he wanted. But then I found myself living in this weird through-the-looking-glass realm where what he...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: BurnedOutLady -
It is 100% certain IMO that you will live in misery and end up having to leave later when it is so much harder or even impossible. A lot of people who post here are already trapped in terrible circumstances that they got into not realizing how bad the problem was. You, on the other hand, are seeing the full disaster right now, and there is no way this gets better without Herculean effort and even then maybe not. My advice to people who would rather avoid grinding grief is to avoid it, don't walk right...>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: BurnedOutLady -
It took years for me realize that his RSD was this giant gaslight that was totally messing with my heart and mind and soul and entire concept of who I am. Now I have told him for years that I can't allow myself to see myself through HIS warped lense. There is no way he is clear or sane when it comes to his assessment of me.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I met with new therapist this week and had good session. Therapist has agreement to see both spouse and me for couples therapy, so after giving my husband my schedule and therapist’s phone number, he did call and make an appointment for next week (only took him 3 weeks to do so!). I also met with attorney yesterday. Attorney too (as therapist) was shocked at husband’s actions/explanations for taking so many funds for his business over the past 5 years (attorney called it magical thinking)....>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: J -
I have that too. "Existential understanding is the philosophical awareness that individuals are born without a pre-defined purpose ("existence precedes essence") and are entirely responsible for creating their own meaning, values, and identity through free choices. It involves accepting the "absurd"—a world lacking inherent meaning—and living authentically by embracing personal freedom and responsibility.">>> on Forum topic - Reflecting back accurately
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