Recent Comments
- by: c ur self - ( I want to detach from being preoccupied by the emotional ramifications of any else's actions, yet not be cold, hard, and unyielding.) Yes...I have nothing to add...Your post and this message I hi-lighted is my story....I have learned the only thing I need to fear; is what I am capable....You are so right.....we can't cherry pick....The story of God's plan for us all fits....>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: c ur self - Since I am one; I will suggest a few things I think a man needs, to be an acceptable partner... One who doesn't need you; but; if he committed to you, would love you and your daughter unconditionally. One who isn't a victim, but, lives a life of thankfulness... One who is stable and expects life to be about working and providing.... I understand loneliness; but, I just would hate for you to make your life harder than it has to be.... C>>> on Forum topic - Intelligence, forgiveness
- by: SpaceyStacey197... - Thank you for your story! There is some things about that that are familiar to me. My husband doesnt interupt though - he is more of someone who acts annoyed if I try to open conversation with him. He sighs, rolls his eyes, and generally shows displeasure in me attempting to interact with him. Which in turn frustrates me and makes me feel like I have to become defensive - even when the conversation was benign or just a question I had about something. he seems to get really frustrated with me when I...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: JJamieson - In fairness to my wife....this is what she has to put up with at times but I have been working on this for quite a while since this was brought to my attention a while ago by my T. Long posts and / or monolog ? Circumstantial speech and thinking patterns. Detours in the road...but you do finally get there and don't get lost! That would be me. lol Circumstantial speech (also referred to as circumstantiality) is the result of a non-linear thought pattern and occurs when the focus of a conversation...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: JJamieson - I just looked this up again to refresh my understanding of this now. NON-sequential logic....OMG yes!!! Is it further to New York...or by plane? (??????????) http://www.learningdifferences.com/online_courses/course_100/pdf_files_1...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: NowOrNever - I am well aware that non ADHD people can condition ADHD people to shut down. But I have to talk about the one relation with ADHD in about which I know, which is mine, in which my husband with ADHD was conditioning me toward a kind of detachment that had I gone along with the conditioning, would have been bad for us both. I really dislike jumping to the conclusion that all people with ADHD, or all non ADHD people, or all women, or all men act a certain way, based on what I'm living in only one...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: JJamieson - "me getting the first half of the first sentence out, and him vigorously stopping my first sentence and going where he wants with the first piece of the first sentence and starting to monologue, and that it had been going on for years. That's not an exaggeration." A variation on the same thing...but it is the same thing. My wife won't monolog...but she will grab hold of a word....in 1/2 of the first sentence of me trying to tell her anything about me..... or my day....... or relate to something about...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: NowOrNever - ....going at it via a path you couldn't have imagined, awhile ago. I enjoyed reading your post. About those small signals in the flow of the day, that you're being seen and accepted.... It's habitual behavior, luckily. People work out their own "code" of them between each other, or can. It can be learned. Like that "peace" word that you and your wife chose, to what was it, flag that it was time for a time out? Being kind of a solo act for a big part of my adult life, I can get along without...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: NowOrNever - .>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: I'm So Exhausted - Hi C, I so thoroughly enjoy all the feelings and emotions that are part and parcel to being a human being. Sorting through all these 'emotional ways of being' continues to be a work in process for me. I seek the serenity that results when I make good choices. I want to detach from being preoccupied by the emotional ramifications of any else's actions, yet not be cold, hard, and unyielding. "Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: JJamieson - ......but if you try sometimes, you get what you need." "For anyone with ADHD reading this, it may not be easy for you to observe in people when they do this kind of interaction with each other , but it is not selfish or irrational for someone accustomed to it because so many people do it to expect unspoken attention, and to do these small things..........." I think the key word here is "observe" . I have to think back now to a different time in my life when I was younger and we all are just figuring...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: NowOrNever - it's really interesting living with my husband, on the matter of detachment. He's detached from me in some ways other men in my life who dont have ADHD havent been detached. For example, generally, and especially when he's occupied with something, he doesnt do very many signals to me that he notices I'm around. If his mind is elsewhere, whatever I say or do is as if it didnt happen. He doesnt leap to help me if I'm in a physical tough spot like I do him. He doesnt get pissed at me for...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: Zapp10 - So very well heard by this "over the hill" (and loving it) non spouse. A " reality" check put simply and kindly. Thank you, NON Short story......my H went with my brother-in law on a cross country(NY to Cal) road trip. They stopped along the way at various sites to check things out. Many places had guided tours. My b-i-l was amazed at how my H was so slow at moving along, randomly wandering off, being asked to catch up etc. (This was before knowing of the adhd.) While I KNEW that this was how my H...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: NowOrNever - That's a lot going on in your house, and a lot on you. I hope some of those counseling sessions are individual ones. If I were in your situation and introverted (which I am), I'd be so blasted by the things going on in the home that I'd need some work on just me. I appreciate your present difficulty, if your wife right now is trying to hypercontrol the things she is. One cant just exit someone else's overattachment and control. It has to be worked on, ideally with a professional who you trust and is...>>> on Forum topic - Newly Married and Trying To Understand
- by: NowOrNever - Hi, K My husband who has ADHD and I who dont are near you in age. We're in a new marriage. In other threads you've wondered whether your partner is too old to start meds, and mentioned that he depended on you to drive, at least in one situation. I dont know the answer to your question about meds, although I scouted the question online, and at least one medical information site indicated that meds can be prescribed. But that's a decision that your partner and his doctor would have to make. What I'd...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: inthedark - my oesteopath said to me when I told her the relationship I was trying to form with ADHD person was so hard. "K (me), your relationship shouldn't be hard, it should be easy" Amen! I know it's hard when you love someone (there's that word again), but she is right, we have the right to be happy, hope we can find the strength to say "no" when it all gets too much. K>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: inthedark - thank you C again. You give very good advice and deep down I know you are right. He has expressed desire to change and yes I do want to "change" him. I'm glad you are being personal too, thank you, because I am pretty insecure and lonely of course which doesn't help. I myself am caring for daughter with disability as well so I am beginning to feel I don't really have the time and energy to devote to him either. My psychologist told me I am attracted to men who aren't available, and I am beginning to...>>> on Forum topic - Intelligence, forgiveness
- by: Astiman - Yes we are in counseling; however, because of my wife's life experiences it is difficult for her to accept responsibility for her role in creating problems. She becomes defensive when constructive criticism is made but has no problem pointing out my short comings. Im going to have to bite the bullet and tell her I'm not happy. I know when I say that her mind will tell her I'm looking for away out. That too is her default approach. She controls my behavior while acting with an unhealthy dependence on...>>> on Forum topic - Newly Married and Trying To Understand
- by: SpaceyStacey197... - This song so captures where I am at... I seriously could have taken the lyrics right out of my heart... and the video - well its magic to me. I used to want to fly like a bird ALL the time - I could watch it all day LOL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRyRymflxtU The lights go out, I am all alone All the trees outside are buried in the snow I spend my night dancing with my own shadow And it holds me and it never lets me go I move slow and steady But I feel like a waterfall I move slow and steady...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?
- by: SpaceyStacey197... - Its funny you mention that - the whole persuing thing. I actually DID do that for a long time, did everything I could to show him I wanted him, loved him, thought he was amazing etc. I tried to fill up the hole in his heart - never realizing that the hole was caused by CSA and isnt something that *I* can address - only he can. Our counseler (and I agree with her) suspects that his ADHD developed from his coping mechanisms (disassociation, denial) from surviving his childhood. Its why its easy for...>>> on Forum topic - Detatching - success tips?