A struggling couple asks what ADHD has to do with one man's quick rages. His partner writes 'He can be a lovely person but it doesn't take much to make him snap , in particular with me.' Alcohol makes it worse. Melissa explores what could be going on, how it's related to ADHD, and how to respond.
It’s the catch-22 of ADHD-impacted relationships (and many non-ADHD marriages, as well!) For many couples impacted by ADHD, distraction, disengagement and retreat from conflict leave non-ADHD partners feeling ‘stranded’ and lonely. Their natural response is to pursue their partner for attention…and disaster results. What do you do?
Melissa will present a CE event for GoodTherapy.org at 9 a.m. PDT on October 11, titled Tools to Help Couples Impacted by ADHD Thrive. It is available free with 1.5 CE credits for all GoodTherapy.org members. For details, or to register, please click here.
On January 25 I will be giving a 1.5 hour talk for therapists through the therapist website GoodTherapy.org. It is free for members of that site and counts for 1.5 CE credits. To prepare for this, I wrote a blog post about why therapists should get involved in helping couples with ADHD. If you have a therapist you are working with whom you think might be interested in the talk please let them know about this event. Since it's only 1.5 hours long it will simply be an overview...but it's a start!
One of the most common problems in couples in general and in couples where there is ADD in particular is the inability to make changes. This is vexing because, as they say in AA, if nothing changes, nothing changes.
I know what it’s like to be a non-ADD spouse and discover that you no longer like yourself. Many here have the same problem – they have struggled so long, and are so exhausted, that they can no longer find the core of who they are. I would like to share with you my own story of how I moved from disliking myself back to “being me” as well as provide some ideas for change that may help you.
You know you have ADD. Your marriage is disintegrating and you think the ADD might have something to do with it, but you can’t figure out what to do improve things. What do you do? This post is very long, but worth the 10 minutes you’ll need to take to get through it as it gets at the very heart of what goes wrong in many ADD relationships. I think every couple struggling with ADD can learn important coping skills from my response to this man’s question.