The New York Times recently published an article about the importance of having conversations about how money is being spent before you're in an emotional situation. This only makes sense to me - it's just another version of "coordinate, don't dictate" that comes with partnership rather than the parent/child version of dictating or delegating. Conversations around money, if done right, can also be a time to dream a little bit, especially if you're talking about travel, vacation or retirement. Even if you are fighting, can you find common ground in shared dreams of a possible future together? Stephanie Sarkis is also a good resource if you are thinking about money...she is the author of ADD and Your Money (her site is here).
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You Are An Answer To Prayer !
Submitted by nanska54 on
You are an answer to pray ! I am 57 (non-ADHD wife), husband 64 (ADHD spouse), married 12 years. He was diagnosed with ADD before we were married, but it has progressively gotten worse each year. SO confusing !!! Between my cancer diagnosis 4 years ago (still cancer-free, Thank God) and his progressive ADHD our marriage has been worse than terrible. In the beginning we both wondered when the "honeymoon" would end. It had lasted much longer than we ever expected. We kept saying "When are we going to normalize?" We have both been at our wits' end for a couple of years and it has intensified overwhelmingly the last year. I am not a stupid person, but I could NOT figure out WHY are relationship was so difficult. I'm not unreasonable; I had tried EVERYTHING I knew to do (including anger, which by the way does NOT work). I was ready to give up. And today I found your website. THANK YOU !!! I now have the answer to my frustration. I now have a plan to deal with this. This information will also heal the relationships between my husband and my adult children. God Bless You !
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Thank you for the kind words. I will be making a new resource available soon which might help you - a recorded self-study course that complements / adds to my book. Should be available by the end of June.
There are so many people I've heard from who say that learning about ADHD has transformed their marriages - it still takes a lot of hard work to turn things around, but at least there is a clearer path towards doing so. My best wishes to you and your husband - may you find a calm, honeymoon-like place again!