Sometimes it feels like you're in a bind – you want to communicate that something is bothering you, but you're trying hard not to nag or parent your ADHD partner. If you don’t say anything, chances are good that not much will change. But if you suggest something got forgotten again, it sounds like a critique. What do you do?
Trying to avoid feelings of shame is only human, but when it comes to adult ADHD, gentle engagement with raw areas can lead to significant gains. But how to do that, when shame feels so bad? These ideas, provided by adults with ADHD, can help both ADHD partners and non-ADHD partners.
ADHD adults often carry a lot of hurt and shame with them. Learn what these shame triggers are and you can significantly improve your interactions. A recent conversation with five adults with ADHD and their partners highlights some of the issues.
Your partnership includes too many lies – big and small. In three previous posts I’ve written about why this is happening, and how this hurts your relationship. ADHD – and responses to ADHD – can certainly play a role. So what to do? Here are 9 strategies for ending in your relationship:
I recently heard from a couple with several children, one of whom has ADHD. The husband also has ADHD and is struggling to get his symptoms under control. He rarely follows up on what he promises to do, which is driving his wife crazy. In this context, the husband asked the question "Should we tell our kids about my ADHD? My wife is concerned that she is always coming across as the bad guy, rather than me." Hold up there! Let's discuss both the question and the answer!
This guest blog post has been provided by Hal Meyer and Susan Lasky of the ADD Resource Center.
You fell in love with his boyish enthusiasm, adventuresome spirit and easy-going charm. Now you are frustrated that he decides to go skiing instead of shoveling the snow off the walkway, or forgets to take the children to the dentist. You were fascinated by her many interests, creativity and “enjoy the moment” approach to life. Now you are fed up with the clutter of her incomplete projects, and annoyed by her indifference to planning meals and shopping. It is easier to love someone with ADHD than it is to live with them.
Couples who are struggling with the impact of ADHD in their relationship will be delighted to hear that I have just completed an in-depth self-study course that can help them turn their marriage around.
The New York Times recently published an article about the importance of having conversations about how money is being spent before you're in an emotional situation. Conversations around money, if done right, can also be a time to dream a little bit, especially if you're talking about travel, vacation or retirement. Even if you are fighting, can you find common ground in shared dreams of a possible future together?