Women With ADHD and Gender Expectations

We would like to introduce those of you who don't yet know her to Sari Solden, M.S., L.M.F.T.  She is a therapist and author who focuses on adults with ADHD and particularly women with ADHD.  Her book, "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" provides insight into the special challenges that women with ADHD face.

Sari has agreed to be a guest author on this blog and we look forward to hearing her thoughts about how ADHD affects marriage and particularly how women with ADHD can improve their lives and marriages.

And while I'm thinking about ADHD, relationships, and women...

I had an interesting post from what I think is a lesbian couple that reminded me that there are definitely gender politics in action when talking about household chores.  Women with ADHD who have trouble managing the organizational tasks of the home can feel great guilt and shame about this.  Conversely, expectations about "what a man is supposed to do around the house" can have equally disasterous effects.  It's all too easy to get mad/frustrated if you grew up thinking the man of the house should be mowing the lawn and he just doesn't have any interest in it at all.  Each time you pull out that mower your resentment can grow...

The lesbian couple felt it was a bit easier for them to focus on what were the ADHD issues in their relationship, since they had fewer ingrained gender expectations.  Their approach was to split things up by areas of strength and weakness, without regard to pre-set expectations.

How about thinking about the gender expectations in your own marriage, and sharing some of your own ideas with us?  Send in your comments, thoughts, etc.  (soon I'll put up a message board that people can use to talk to each other....)