My husband has ADHD and I would love to embrace the idea of letting him experience the consequences of his actions. My main thought that I am struggling with is around sleep, because I, and our family, continue to be impacted by his irregularly irregular sleep schedule. He, similar to many others with ADHD, struggles to get to bed at the time that he intends to go to bed.
Hi everyone,
Im wondering if anyone has the same experiences with their ADHD partner as I do.
I met my husband in 2016. We met on a dating site and our first meeting was at a cafe in the town where I lived.
We are both in our late 50'ties and I lived 2 hours drive from him. He dropped everything to meet me and drove the 2 hours. I was amazed.
The first time we met he had forgotten his wallet, so I told myself, that if he forgot it a second time then that was a bad sign.
I, the husband, is the one with the ADHD. My wife and I separated, and my wife has not been willing to even text me for over a year. I have been out of her house for two years ago, and she has filed for divorce. As part of the divorce proceedings, I said that I would agree to the divorce, if she would go to a marriage weekend workshop. She agreed.
In my efforts to change the dynamic in my relationship, some things are becoming very clear....1) The parent (the responsible party/enabler, is always at fault, and is always the loser (Me)...If that statement makes me or you angry, then my point is proved!
I'm a planner. I used to thrive in having dreams and making them happen. It was exciting, meaningful, energising. It felt like living.
My partner has ADHD and is not a planner. I am beginning to accept how this impacts on our daily lives but I'm finding it really difficult to accept the total absence of future dreams, goals or plans. He has almost no thoughts on what he wants to do, or what he'd like to achieve for us as a family or what might make him happy for the future.
In my marriage, (and most of what I read on this site) the way to a workable marriage is so clouded over by human weakness, that healing truth has no chance to surface....In almost 6 years I would guess I've read posts from maybe 50 to 60 people who admit's to having add/adhd...(Maybe more)....And if I categorized them, it would be something like this....20% angry, defensive, and only stopped in to take a shot over the bow of hurting non's..50%...desperate men and women (mostly men) seeking advice on how to keep their abused spouse from leaving (usually after it's too late)....20% who stopp
My Husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have two young kids. Within the last year or so he has finally agreed to medication and learning about his ADHD which he was diagnosed with as a child and never dealt with. I have decided that if things don't change that I can no longer stay married to him. I have completely met my breaking point. I now have depression, severe anxiety, stomach problems, withdrawing from friends and family and am constantly in fight or flight mode.
I think I have shared some "good" things, (as much as I am able, and been gifted to do) over the last several years on this site...Things that has helped me (and others) to accept the reality of what daily life is going to be like, with a high level add/adhd spouse...Who in my case, and many of yours, is in denial of her behaviors...Behaviors that have intrusive and abusive effects of their spouses....
oh wow can’t wait. Who else is signing up???
I had already emailed her to ask for couples as my husband has wanted us to do couples again for awhile . I guess she recommends doing the course together before she will consider doing couples. Anyway we had couples several years ago when in the throes of raising 2 teenagers. It was not good. The guy was not that great with coaching couples with one ADHD member.
Well at least I have done something positive. He does not know I’ve signed us up . I have read the book twice. He does not know about the book.
Based on my ADHD husband's actions over the past couple of weeks, I really can't help but wonder if after a few more years of research they won't end up putting adult ADHD on the autism spectrum. He went off his vyvanse before Xmas which has been a godsend because it makes him so angry all the time. But although his mood has been improved he acts just like a child with autism... can't tolerate any noises.... this morning he went downstairs to use his treadmill and I started the roomba in the kitchen.... I heard a bunch of yelling so I went to check if he was ok.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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