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I have spent the day reading posts on this site all day and cannot believe it has taken me this long to find you all. My husband is ADHD. We have been married for 15 years. He was diagnosed about 8 years ago and it has been his crutch ever since. He was a very successful construction project manager, then became a realtor. He was driven, focused, and hard-working. He supported me while I was in law school and continued to do so until I found a good firm to work with. Since his diagnosis, he says it is too difficult to work.

My husband has this thing about making jokes at all the wrong places and times.  And, so many of you know how this goes, if I tell him that what he just said or did was rude or interrupting what I’m trying to accomplish, he doesn’t own it. Instead, there are a few things he might do.  He might just ignore the entire scenario, he might make more jokes and have the attitude of “what are you going to do about it, huh?!”, or he might get irritated.  There have been maybe ten times when he laughs and says, “you’re right; that wasn’t helpful,” but then he continues to laugh to himself or smirk.

Meaning, though the consequences of their untreated or poorly treated adhd are often negative for us, sometimes we can find the silver lining for ourselves. 

Silver lining for me: I have learned a lot about mental health, better communication skills, and ways to help my kids.  I didn’t learn these growing up, and if I’d had a normal marriage to a neurotypical person, I might never have learned because maybe I could have limped along without being forced to learn and grow.  So it’s a good thing, because knowledge and more skills are always good. 

Hello,

I joined this group a while back, but I’ve put it on the back burner because I’m just always hopeful that something will change with my husband and I won’t need to acknowledge how truly stressful life is with him. 

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He was diagnosed with ADHD shortly before we started dating. I’ve always questioned if he has another learning disability or undiagnosed disorder in addition to ADHD, but then when I read the experiences of others, it seems his behavior is pretty dead on. 

they pull out ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior and mistakes but otherwise fight tooth and nail to insist that they can't possibly have ADHD?

I’ve been debating for days whether to write or not. I've been off social media for a while and I really don't have friends. I don't know how to do this; I guess I'll just write. I've been with my husband (partner not married but engaged-super long engagement) for 9 years. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I feel the news destroyed my world. A lot of things clicked in my head as soon as I started to do research on it. For the first time I stopped blaming myself for everything, from being somewhat not social too demanding to spend more time together without other people.

Both of our kids were really,really pressing to get guinea pigs.  I kept saying no because they have not been responsible and we (I) would end up taking care of them.  My wife kept saying that our 16 year old son was getting better and we should let him try.

I believe that it is very important to review why we love our partners, and to be truly honest with it. Consider the two statements below:

1. I love my partner.

2. My partner loves me.

I think we maybe are discussing the wrong spouse on this web site, way to often...What happen's to the mind and emotions of a person who is subjected to denial (behavior blindness) and indifference from their spouse over an extended period of time (years for most of us)??....I know I am damaged to some degree...Even if it's just thinking about it an unhealthy amount...(thought dominating)...

I tried to communicate some things.  Some very important things. Some very fundamental things.  

I cannot be heard. I don’t know where adhd symptoms begin/end and the other stuff like personality, denial, dysfunctional views of relationships, selfishness, simple misunderstanding, communication style, etc, also begin/end.