Recent forum posts (all topics)

Here is a writing from online "Phycology Today" that I shortened and it targets exactly what I have been swimming in for so long.  I didn't know the rules (or chose to make my own easier, more comfortable rules).  I was attracted to the bad boys and I was a nice girl.  Not a fun place to be for too long.

Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and Nice Gals Too)!

1) Nice People Do Not Make Their Partners Invest

I truly feel like my mind and comprehension has been damaged in dealing with my ADHD spouse. Maybe it is weariness or PTSD or something. I have so much more trouble understanding what he is trying to say to me than I used to. Could the stress of dealing with untreated mental illness have that effect on a spouse?

If you are in a loving and fun relationship for many years - at times strained by misunderstood ADD symptoms, and then finally ended because of responses to those symptoms, is there any way to get through to your ADD partner about the importance of this?  To have a 'second chance at life' ?

Peaceful happiness has eluded us for many years, and can be summarized by typical scenarios where I (non-ADD female) would uncharitably attack/accuse my partner as a reaction to what I perceived as selfish/inexplicable/uncharitable neglect on my partner's part.

This is the first full week that my wife and kids have off from work/school.  We did a year-end road trip last week.  This week, my wife's mother is visiting.  Already, there was a lot of conflict over the weekend, largely about trying to clean the place up, especially before the visit.  The house is even messier than it has been, partially because we (in other words, ME) have been boxing up things in the living room so we can have the floors fixed.  The conflict over cleaning had to do with the kids, but I also got some of the conflict from my wife over why I was not able to get them to co

I had a thought this morning....out of nowhere....I just wanted my H and I to be ONE of the success stories where ADHD and marriage succeed.

That sums it all up. 

There are not many who post here like that.....because they are off LIVING their lives! 

I wanted to BE one of them.....hmm.

Not sure why this thought is resonating with in me. I think possibly that the stories of both parties accepting the AdHD offer such hope and inspiration that "seeing" our own reality is ....disheartening.

My ADHD husband has more than just ADHD going on. He isn’t just having a hard time doing things.  He also resents anything that cuts into his “me” time, which to him is anytime he isn’t at work. I know this because he says things straight out.  I’m not putting words in his mouth  

So on top of ADHD, he is also actually lazy and selfish.  He glares at me or says nasty things when I say, “Could you please _______ for me today?”  It really is like living with an entitled teenage boy.  

What do I bring to this marriage? 

Attitude? Openness? Approachable? Energetic to share in all phases of the marriage? 

I don’t do a lot of posting here.  But, I’m pretty sure my marriage is coming to an end.  H is a really good guy.  Very attentive, loving partner and hands-on Dad.  But, his unpredictable angry outbursts have just about killed our relationship.  I’ve done all the research.  I know it’s flooding.  I know he never intends to lash out verbally at me or the kids.  I know it’s a neurological process that keeps him from filtering his emotions when he’s triggered.      

Hi.  This is presented in terms of divorce but I think it is helpful for many kinds of unhappy or uncomfortable situations and life circumstances.  I've been thinking a lot about resilience lately, too, both because of things that affect only me (e.g., expensive car repairs) and because of things affecting our country (e.g., political leaders).  I wish my ex could rewrite his story.  He spends so much time in his head but has little to show for it in terms of improving his mood or his life.

If I ask my husband a question. Any question large or small I will be met with a screaming fit. Why?!? I can see if I peppered him with questions all the time that would be frustrating but I don't. To me questions are a part of good communication. And he asks questions no problem. If I ask them there is hell to pay....

37 years of living with this and the harshness of his reaction to me still hurts.