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So I have been married for almost 4 years now.  I have ADHD, MDD, insomnia and panic disorder and possible bi polar disorder. She has been told she has anxiety and a personality disorder (most likely BPD), but refuses get diagnosed or treated because shes in the military and is afraid of repercussions. Her psychiatrist allows this. I am on medications for all of my disorders as well as seeing a physiologist. I have been making good forward progress with myself, which she agrees with, yet tells me Im getting worse when shes yelling at me.

How is  it possible to be married to an unreliable adhd spouse?

If he is unreliable, how can I have long lasting satisfying marriage?

If I am adjusting to meet all his adhd needs, what happens to my needs? Who am I supposed to rely on?

After reading through many posts, it seems like the advice is ... accept it and deal with it your entire life, or don't and get a divorce.

The advice says to stop having expectations... but how can i not have any expectations of my husband? How can I do that? He certainly has them for me that I have to meet.

My husband is not diagnosed and currently we are living in Africa, so getting a diagnosis will be a challenge to say the least.  I have been reading and researching, trying to educate myself and then sharing with my husband.  He's a bit in denial, he agrees this may be him, but feels it's very mild in his case and not much of a problem for us.  He thinks I'm just not relating to him in a positive enough way, that I make him nervous, and no one would ever be able to live up to my standards.  I just want honesty and reliability.

I'm trying to figure something out.  My husband only criticizes and answers me in the negative.  He blurts out embarrassing things or decides the time to air out his grievances is in front of our neighbours and friends. Sometimes he just ignores me and doesn't answer me when I speak to him.  He has gone so far to tell me that it is a lack of sex (we have sex 1-2 times per week) that puts him in a bad mood so it is all therefore my fault.  He loses things, blames me for it, and when I can clearly explain how he lost it and where he had it last he doesn't apologize or take responsibility.

I just had a light bulb moment.

During our 1st 2 years of dating, I noticed my husband was forgetful and clumsy. I noticed that he had organizational problems, and problems focusing, but I thought it was due to his heavy stress load due to residency/parent issues.

During our 1st 2 years of marriage, these things became more noticeable and I became more angry.

Recently married and my husband takes both the extended release and the quick release of adderall daily.  He sees a family doctor for this.  I have noticed that he stays up all night and gets super focused on a house project and literally cannot lay down at night.  He will stay up all night and go to work the next day.  This will occur for about a week or so and then he will crash and sleep a ton.  I have tried discussing this with him and he gets very angry.

First let me issue a disclaimer that I in no way think I have it any worse than any of us who post here--I do not think that.  We all have many many issues stemming from our ADHD marriage and we come here to blow off steam to a sympathetic audience.  This is a big big vent coming next...continue at your own risk...

Hi

After 2 years of marriage it seems like we are not satisfied with each other. After trying hard I am not able to adjust with my husband. What is the next step I should take?

As I set here contemplating what is the true source of all the anger and frustration I've felt and read about on this forum. I think about a story that my daughter shared w/ me about my granddaughter when she was about 18 months old.....She walked into the kitchen and pulled the frig. door open and spotted her sippy cup....She looked up at her Mother for approval...Her Mother said you can have it, so she grabbed it and took a hit of it....Stuck it back into the Frig...shut the door and started walking away...So her mother said..."I thought you wanted it?

You can look at my username history and see that I've posted many times here. 

I feel the need to get this out, just need to vent to the only people I can trust to know what I'm talking about. NO ONE in real life has any clue what I've gone through married to this man.