Recent forum posts (all topics)

I am trying so hard to set boundaries and it's not working and he is just being resentful. About 3 years ago I quit doing everything for him. He was offered a promotion but had to move across the country for it. And that's pretty much all he told me. I knew from past experiences that the next steps were for me to ask him questions about the details, make a plan, assign tasks, stay on him to complete the tasks, then scramble to fix whatever crisis arose because he didn't do what he was supposed to do. So I refused. I told him to come up with what he was going to do and I would let him know.

Just had yet another birthday for which my ADHD husband did not prepare. The last minute card and chocolates from the local drug store are hurtful. Didn't even remember to wish me a happy birthday. How am I not supposed to translate this as not caring? Try not to build up my hopes at times of birthdays, anniversaries, valentines etc. And remember that planning is difficult for him but ADHd is an explanation not an excuse. When we discuss things he says he cares but how am I supposed to believe this?

I have been working on me.   Something many of us have in common on this site is that WE ARE FRUSTRATED!  I have been doing some work on my attitude and trying to get my self back.  It has to do with powerlessness. I found this on a site and it says what I am focusing on right now and it is helping me.  I am ashamed I did not realize this earlier in my life.  I have cried too much and sat in pain too much in my life. Here is an excerpt:

 The Victim Role

A general observation that I've seen floated before: that men tend to want to make up for hurting someone by doing something, whereas women generally want to fix it by talking or listening instead. I've posted here before about having conflicts with my wife and being at a loss for words — how to show the right kind of empathy, for example? So I wind up doing something instead... more often than not now, it's something small and stupid. "Busy-work", she calls it when she's upset.

I just found this site... I am lost for words.  THis is my life in almost every post.  I have isolated myself from friends just trying to manage my life with my ADHD husband.  We will be married 9 years in Feburary and have 3 kids.  He works, comes home and watches tv, plays video games and then when he is tired he goes to sleep.  Literally does not help me with not one thing.  He is like 2 kids in 1 adult body.  I have to prepare his lunches, clothes, pay all the bills, make his dr appointments and remind remind remind.

"for the law doth not intend that the man is advanced by marriage; and therefore such a promise of marriage to him is of no consideration in law, and by consequence, no action can be founded thereon. But it is otherwise where a man promiseth to marry a woman, because in the eye of the law marriage is an advancement to the woman."

soon to be married to a man with ADHD. issues with impulsivity etc.

Does anyone else experience this from their ADHD spouse?

ME :"we'll be late if you don't hurry up"

HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)

ME: "Your hair needs cutting dosn't it?"

HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)

ME: "You really upset me with what you said to me yesterday"

HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)

ME: "I think you upset Linda by what you said to her"

HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)

ME: "But why won't you dress up for the party, everyone else will"

HIM "I don't care" (shrug)

I am happy with a bit of improvement I have seen thus far.

I just completed the couples course by myself as my husband would not join me in the live course but we have listened to 3 sessions together afterwards but he will not do any more sessions.

SO I have been working on myself and have come to several aha moments. I have changed at least 10 things about myself and have been sticking to it. I have been evaluating everything that I say and do now since about a month or so ago when the aha moments sunk in and I was ready to implement them.

I decided to leave. I cannot take care of myself anymore, let alone a man-child. I feel like when my ADHD partner is around, I worry incessantly, "is he paying the bills?" "Is he looking for a job?", "how many hours of video games has he played?", "we talked about wiping toothpaste off the sink today, did he remember to do it?".