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I shall attempt to carefully word my thoughts so they come across as critiques - - not criticisms.

ADHD.  What is known.  What is not known.  Is it a way of being?  Is it an "issue"?  Is it a disorder?  Is it simply a way that the brains of 10% of the people  works differently than 90% of the 'average' people in the world?

I don't know.  Wish I did.  Wish I knew how to articulate how so many things we as a couple have tried . . . .and that did not work.  Like most things in life, solutions read easy, and work hard.  

after reading so many posts on here, and being new to having an ADHD partner, i think i must find a solution.  Going around in circles does not make sense at my age.  I spent 30 yrs (that magic number for marriage) married to someone who in hindsight had something wrong with him, personality disorder maybe.  and so I ask myself why do i pick these people, or they pick me.  hhmmm.  I learnt one thing when going out with a guy with bi-polar disorder, when he went off and started talking to other 'ladies', i went off and did the same thing.  it worked!  he was soon looking for me.  so maybe ju

I was inspired by JJamieson's recent posts on a different thread to think about the following: describing the problems in my relationship without beginning with "he" (my ex-husband) "did X" or "he is X."  I think this is a useful exercise because accepting responsibility for our own choices and behavior is important.  Here are some of my "I" statements; I hope others will chime in with their own.

I was unhappy with my relationship because I was afraid I would get into legal trouble based on my then-husband's financial dealings.

My father was OCD and the dominate parental figure in my upbringing. He was highly organized so I struggled to keep up. With his help maintained good grades and got through college and a Masters program in Computer Science. Though feeling always well supported and love, I always felt massive guilt because I could not stay on task as well as he.

I have been married to my ADHD spouse for almost 10 years now.  He told me he was ADHD when we met but he said now that he was older it didn't affect him like it did when he was young.  He took meds (Ritalin) while in college in order to be able to focus and get through 4 years to get his degree, but when it started affecting his heart he got off of it.  He also had some counseling during that time (all of this before we met).  Since we have been married he has been unemployed more than half the time and has had over 50 jobs, the longest lasting one being a little less than a year.  Most of

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus then I think when we drop the tape measure on a clinical level adhd thinker and one who is not....You come up with Mercury and Pluto....It seems this difference is or can be an insurmountable challenge to many marriage relationships. When I was 4 or 5, the little girl next door (she was maybe 4 or 5 also) came outside and got naked.

I have been spending my days stepping back and observing my H, how he is when he is alone and when he is interacting with others( including myself). 

While the many aspects of adhd are apparent I find they are DOABLE ( not without ups and downs) but NOT deal breakers for me. 

I wish I knew how to talk to my spouse about her anger, which I feel is growing out of control for the last 3 years. I can see and understand the things that cause that initial spark... but we haven't yet gotten to a place where we can cap off or even talk about her runaway anger. She says dozens of things which she tells me later aren't true. She spits out hurtful names and slams her hands on the tabletop. I see sweat beading down her face. She switches to 30 seconds of crying and then starts screaming again. 

Hi all - great site!