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I originally found this site when I was searching "husband doesn't thank me for dinner." The more I read, the more I realized it wasn't me with the problem.

Background - my husband is the one with ADD. We've been married almost 25 years. Five years ago he started therapy for depression and eventually was diagnosed with ADD. He has been on meds for both for the past four and a half years.

Is this what it means then:  a life of stuggled relationships and secret or obvious frustration and resentment.  On both ends?  First one that has effected me.  Others I have been the one to conflict pain and suffering without aconsideration but now...I see.  What I did..and what demising feeling it leaves behind.  Confused left...disregarded.  Communication is key regardless of your situation but communication is key.  For me...I'm an excapest..I just made that up..but I retreat into my own head space..while the other is getting more and more frustrated and angry.

My Husband and I employed the services of a counselor, I was adamant that he not counsel my ADD Husband alone as he would be manipulated and not get a clear picture of problems.  My Husband likes to present himself in a positive light, and is defensive, and presents me in a negative light.  Our marriage was in serious trouble, and I told him if he did this we would fail and end up divorced.  Well, this has happened, he met with us twice, fell prey to my husband's manipulations, and I haven't seen him since.  My Husband realizes now that it was a mistake and wants me to go with him to his ap

So here's what I know.  I went to Dr Amen's site to take the test on ADHD sub groups/types, after reading the blog on Cortisol and ADHD, which linked my hearing loss and childhood ear infections to my ADHD, which separated the 3 types of ADHD ( hyper, inattentive, combined) and connected and isolated my behaviors more distinctly with being  predominantly hyper in combination with the hearing thing....more or less.  It was enough to make me go take this test in other words.  And here's what it came up with:

I googled the words "partnering with spouse who doesn't".  And the first site that came up is add.org. with an article written by Melissa.  She includes  "Six steps to Nurturing A True Partnership." http://www.add.org/page/ADHDandMarriage  All of this and Melissa's messages are about TWO people working together.  One cannot do it alone in a RELATIONSHIP no matter how good a non-ADD spouse is at responses, no matter how hard ad ADDer tries, ONE person ALONE cannot do a partnership.

Looking around this site I see that there are three recurring things people complain about with ADHD more than others. Before I get diagnosed and get professional help here is my strategy to go it alone: 1) to do lists Am I right in saying that we bite off more than we can chew and leave lots of lose ends rather than completed tasks at the end of the day? My goal here will be to do two planned things and one reactionary thing each at home and work every day. No more than that.

SERIOUSLY.  Where is that line...?  and who gives them the "right" ..  the {Judge} of. I'm struggling with myself right now.  really struggling for the answer .  time enough to fuel myself enough to just finish to diny amout left.  Just to do it.  Finish This.  I was thinking earlier (argued with myself whether I should post it as in (my thoughts) right then. Obviously...it won but look at me now!!  Posting about it.  HEHEHEHeheh.  Full circle.  

Sorry...will read more before I post 

This is my first post (although I did write a reply earlier). I am an undiagnosed adhd male in my second relationship. My wife, a good person by all accounts, has become the same angry, hurtful and physically aggressive person that many of the wives and girlfriends on this forum have become. I, in turn, clearly am the idiot with the same mental illness that the husbands they refer to are. Shockingly, I read through a dozen posts and their comments only to realize how much of an evil bastard I have inadvertently been all this time.