Like many non-ADHDers, I was the subject of hyperfocused dating by my ADHD partner (who I did not know at the time had ADHD). Within a month he said he loved me, wanted me to meet his family, etc.
I'm not really sure where to start here; and I'll keep it as short as I can. My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years now. He had ADHD when I met him and was largely under medicated and completely under treated. A few years ago he made the independent choice to work with his doctor to get medicated in a way that worked for him. Since then we've made great strides together. ADHD has never exactly been the focal point of arguments and tension but it does tend to be lurking in most arguments we have. I bought The Couples Guide to Thriving With ADHD a few months ago.
I don't know if "conflict seeking" is the right way to describe this or not.
I don't even know if it's his problem, my problem, or a mutual problem.
Basically, every discussion, every disagreement, and every expression of negative emotion on my part-- it all turns into a fight. Zero to yelling in 10 setconds flat.
In 16 years, I haven't been able to find a way out.
If I state my opinion, it's an argument.
If I advocate for my point of view, I'm being controlling and aggressive and it's an argument.
Hi there, I haven't posted in a while, but I have something I am struggling with on how best to approach my ADHD husband. After years of fighting over impulse purchases, my husband opened a credit card with separate checking account. It is funded with a percentage of any bonus checks he receives from work. It is not the ideal solution for me, but he really likes it and I have to say that we haven't fought since it has been in place for a year. In the past, we fought a lot over his purchases because I thought many of them were unnecessary.
Hi. I'm new.
My husband is the ADHD spouse, but I don't get to call myself the "NT spouse."
Nope-- I'm the spouse with Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder.
We've been together since 98, married since 01. Fourteen years next month.
H is working 2nd shift. He usually gets home at 11PM but last night worked OT and didn't come home until 1AM. He comes home and takes a shower in our master bath, you know at 1AM while I'm trying to sleep right outside that door! He does it because I wake up every time he comes home so he assumes it's ok to shower there rather than in the other bathroom! Then he goes into the computer room. I acn hear him playing his damn video game anytime I wake up! I get up at 5:30 and he still has not come to bed. I get up and he's all chipper and says "Oh I'll make us some breakfast.
Hello Everyone,
I just don't know anymore. In some ways I wish he did have ADHD as that would explain the behavior. He told me he was diagnosed with this when he was a kid, but then he also thinks that the government did secret experiments on him when he was in elementary school as well.
Seeking thoughts and opinions relating to cause and effect of potential ADD? or just two people with personality conflict?
Hi guys, I found this site after Googling for ADD/ADHD info. I could really use someone to talk to about this. I'd be glad of some input from other people in similar situations or from anyone who could just offer their thoughts. I feel as if I'm kinda just drowning right now. Sorry it's so long. I'm in a bad place.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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