Recent forum posts (all topics)

I thought I was working on my marriage.  I am starting to think I am totally co-dependent - or a total idiot.  Or a co-dependent idiot.  

I am just sitting on my pity-pot for a bit.

I've been in this marriage for 29 years.

I really want it to work.

I stopped the Mother/Child relationship.

I focused on me - being happy, going to school, enjoying my friends, scrapbooking, visiting my family.  

I quit mentioning anything - his chore that doesn't get done.  His lateness.  His junk.  

My wife told me three weeks ago in therapy she wants a separation. I was shocked as earlier at dinner she was planning out Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews we would be visiting this Christmas.

I'm really not going to choke him.  kidding.  Here's the deal: as is for many of you my faith means everything to me.  I am SOOOOOOOOO struggling how to respect my husband as is God's command when his ADHD drives me crazy.  I feel like life is just easier if I let him do what he wants but I so disagree with him at times.  Example: got ourselves into huge credit card debt and I took on a second job to pay it off.  Instead of helping me he in turn has tried to get more credit and loans.

I'm new to this site, but it has been sooo very resourceful for me. I've been married to my ADD Spouse for almost 20 years. He is a good father and for the most part tries to be a good husband. He is considerate, giving and he doesn't really have a selfish bone in his body. He does however have ADD and was diagnosed over 10 years ago. He has all the classic symptoms, but inconsistency, forgetfulness and procrastination are the BIGGEST.

Examples of ADD/ADHD behaviors that show that someone is ABLE TO LOVE AND PUT SOME EFFORT toward connection and partnership:

1. He has set up multiple systems for remembering things so that he is taking some responsibility for what he knows he doesn't automatically think of and do.  ie: Time spent working up a budget between income and monthly bills that he MAKES HIMSELF reminding himself daily/weekly.  Then pays the bills and discusses finances with you. He has a work list with priorities attached and DOES the #1 thing on that list.

I kind of hijacked another topic so I decided to create my own.  

I know that we can affect other people's feelings.  But I do think that each of us has the responsibility for our own feelings, including working to change our behaviors and reactions when our responses to things aren't productive.

This an earnest question, when someone makes decisions and takes actions that they are completely aware are hurtful and destructive, can it really be ADD, or are they just an a$$hole? And actually, does it even matter?

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, have one 3 yr old son. My husband has never been diagnosed with ADHD as he has never sought out any help, doesn't think he has a problem. His father mentioned to me years ago that my husband should've been diagnosed with ADHD as a child. He also has a head injury from a bad car accident he had in his teens. All thru our relationship and marriage there has been emotional /verbal abuse. He has had numerous screaming fits, tantrums if he lost something or couldn't fix something.

I am new to this site, and to posting about my ADD husband.  A background on me: We have been married for 22 years.  In  many respects, we are a success story.  My husband has always worked hard to provide for the family, and I try to accept his disorganization, distraction and emotional disconnect (on occasion) patiently and with understanding.  We have 5 children, the oldest being 21, then 19, 16, 14, and 7.  Two of our children have shown strong tendencies towards ADHD. one of which has a diagnosis of ADD PI (primarily inattention).  I love my husband, he has many wonderful qualities.

For those of you following my story, my wife has decided not to talk to me anymore other than important things involving our house. When I returned from my trip, we began counseling again. It was a rocky start. We both had alot of things we wanted to say and the first couple of sessions were tense. Our counselor thought that I did a good job of getting my point across without being impulsive or letting my feelings guide my responses though I was understandably emotional.