This is what really frustrates me about being married w/children to my husband with ADHD. I have to be perfect. I don't mean perform every task perfectly. I mean I have to have complete and total control over every emotion and response I have 100% of the time. I can be frustrated, but I don't get to show it. I can be angry, but I don't get to show it. I don't understand how any of this is supposed to help.
I’ve been married for 19 years to a wonderful man who just learned in the last year that he’s had ADHD all his life. We – everyone – thought his primary illness was Major Depressive Disorder. But after many years of treatment for depression, when the forgetfulness, distraction, hyperfocus, etc. didn’t go away, a therapist suggested ADHD. We’ve been reading lots of books and rethinking his whole life. Now we think that the primary disorder has always been ADHD, and depression developed because of the effects of ADHD on his life and people’s negative reactions to it.
Hello. ADD Resources is hosting a one day relationship workshop in Bellevue 4/13. Here is a link if you are interested. Keynote speaker is the comedian who did the PBS specials ADD & Loving It, ADD and Mastering It.
It started off as a "little blemish" in her behavior and habits before we were married. Now it's turned into the "devilish groundhog from Hades" and it's only been four years. Thirty minutes late here, losing car keys there, now I'm concerned if she will lose one of our two children who are under 3. Sure she's been tested and has built up enough coping strategies to not be officially diagnosed, but that was before children. That little groundhog has been popping up randomly, biting at my heels, snickering at me, and then darting back into its hole.
Hello, my boyfriend is 27 and is considering on going back on medication for his ADHD. He was on ritalin for about 8 years in his youth and completely stopped taking it junior year of High School. He is in a competitive career and feels like he needs to get back to on it to be able to move up into a management role. I am a little concerned about behavioral changes because we all know we fell in love with our ADHD partner because of their zest and spunk for life. Anyway, we are looking for a Psychiatrist specializing in ADHD who can really help identify what will be best for him.
Our relationship has been better in terms of patience and attitude in the last couple months ever since ADHD dh agreed to go to see an ADHD doctor (long story short, he's got his first appointment next week). I know dh is trying, and now I find myself finding myself angry at the very things he is improving on.... !! It's very frustrating for me and it annoys him when I remind him he should try to do the same for me, as I do for him.
Over the last 28 years, my wife has been just unbearable. I can have the same conversation ten thousand times and every time it's like we never talked about this before.
My DH and I argued again this morning because I can never do something purely for him - there's always a background benefit for me. It tears me up because it's true and I feel so damn selfish. Then I can't see how my actions (or inactions) actually do affect him or why it should make a difference to him what I do or what I forget to do.
There should be a support group for co-dependents married to ADDers. So far, I am learning that Co-dependents want others to fill their needs of happiness and security - like our parents gave us security and purpose when we were young. We work to be needed because of habits learned from our childhood in how we were able to garner worth and love from them by being who they wanted us to be.
Before the meds, my wife was a walking contradiction. She never wants to be bothered about punctuality, but is always late. That's just one example of hundreds of contradictions. It's nearly impossible to survive being with her because there is no 'win'. You can't help her manage her ADD but she lashes out when it damages her life or if you try to help.
She finally got an official diagnosis and has tried both Adderal and something that starts with C. Sorry, I can't remember the name.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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