Recent forum posts (all topics)

I just read the book and am shocked at how well it describes my marriage. I have been with my husband for 30 years; married for 21. And it's always been the same. He has never been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but he will admit that he probably has it. He's not overly assertive about trying to get help. The whole courtship thing doesn't really apply to  us, but the parent-child relationship part hits it on the head. I often feel alone (like I am living with a roommate) and I'm in charge of everything.

Christmas Day. I realize any plans and schedules I have made may need to be re-arranged. I won't be angry today.  Whatever happens, happens.  Nothing is a necessity other than being welcoming and attentive to others today.

First off, I truly want our marriage to work! We have been together for almost a decade and married for half a year. I'm pregnant with our first child. Just found out he had been calling and texting Craigslist-type sex ads. This isn't the first time (2nd) and there have been other trust issues as well. I don't know if it ever progressed to more than phone calls and text. He is undiagnosed but now has an appt to be tested. We are going back to couples therapy. I really need hope from other couples who have survived from infidelity.

Hello All:

Unlike what seems to be the majority, I'm a male non-ADD spouse of a female ADD person.

We've got a great marriage in every other respect, and she is on meds, etc. Generally the meds and treatment seem to be enough to keep her functional in her job and as a mom, but there's one thing that's still driving me to distraction and I find myself becoming increasingly resentful. I should say that in every other way she's a wonderful, loving, caring person, and the last thing I want to do is anything that would put our relationship in jeopardy.

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He said, "You are you and I am me.  You can't change me."

So I became the mother and the father in the family.

He said, "Nothing happened.  I was always true to you in a married sense."

But I do not trust him with my heart.

He said, "I am doing the best that I can."

So I worked, paid the bills, did the taxes, took care of the kids and made a nice home.

He said, "If you don't like it, you know what you can do." - meaning, I could leave.

I kept the family in tact and worked a little harder.

He said, "What did you EVER do for ME?"

I am in the process of leaving a 20 year marriage to a man with substance abuse and ADHD.   He only decided to seek help after I left.. despite years of me knowing something was terribly wrong.  While he is improving I no longer want to stay in the marriage.  This has been more of a parent child relationship and I believe he needs to learn how to be on his own and take care himself through the help of his therapist.  Im finding a common thread from reading through this forum that ADHD'ers tend to be self centered and narcisstic.

So emotionally exhausted now, can barely write. 

Married for 7 years, didn't know DH was ADD until well into marriage. Have had years of emotional abuse, violent temper rages (NEVER against me) with throwing things, slamming himself into walls, saying, "I'm going to just kill myself." 

I am so sad, frustrated, unsure right now. My husband of 1 year (together for 2 before that) and I have recently decided to separate....sort of. I know, truly I know, that I need to RUN and not look back. I have heard all of this advice from those who have lived it. I have ignored the red flags, and chose to marry this man after discovering (through this website) that undiagnosed ADHD is what has been affecting our relationship all along (and his two previous marriages I might add).

May I please ask, how is ADHD diagnosed? My husband and I have an appointment coming up soon, to get his ADHD evaluated (upon my request). My biggest worry is to say all the negative things regarding my husband (to the Psychologist) in my husband's presence. I feel like I will be putting him down.